Photos Of The Week!

Signs

This edition of Photos of The Week has all the bases covered.

We’ll look at bad marketing, the actions of lazy agents, and some terrible renovations.

We may or may not even have a cameo from Breaking Bad, but I don’t want to spoil the surprise.

And if you’ve ever owned a pet snake, then I really need your advice.  Like, really…

Signs

You pay your real estate agent to sell your home.

You pay them up to 5%, plus HST, of the sale price of your home.

They tell you about all their expenses to try to justify their commission.

They tell you how they’re knowledgeable and experienced, but also how they’re adept in marketing, and they really add that “personal touch.”

So what’s worse in the following photo of these feature sheets:
1) The address of the property for sale was wrong to begin with?
2) The listing agent used a pen to cross out the wrong address and insert the correct one, rather than bringing new feature sheets?

114-144

The same goes for the listing below.

The price was dropped – that’s great!

But how about print some new MLS data sheets, maybe?

The feature sheets in the photo above – I know, I know, your brokerage charges you $1.20 each time you print one.  But surely you can afford to re-print FIVE PIECES OF 8 1/2 x 11 PAPER!

859Reduction

I haven’t flipped a house before, so tell me if I have no leg to stand on.

But if I did flip a house, I’d pay for an architect, among other things.

I’d also buy this thing called a “measuring tape,” and maybe use a piece of “paper” and a “pencil” to sketch the layout of my kitchen.

That way, I wouldn’t run out of space in the kitchen, and have to put my refrigerator in the dining room…

LivingRoomFridge

Have you ever stood idly by while somebody used jumper-cables on the car battery, all the while knowing they had them hooked up incorrectly, just to see what happens?

Neither have I…

So surely when this piece of crap house was being “flipped,” one tradesperson must have seen the next tradesperson cutting these shower tiles (which were used as kitchen backsplash…), and using gluing half of them with the cut-side out, and half of them with the cut-side in:

CutTiles

This next photo is simply amazing.

I hope it’s not like putting a cupcake, held by Elmo, in front of your 3-year-old, and saying, “You can’t have this.”  I hope nobody reaches out to see if the wording on the post-it note rings true.

But then again, why the hell didn’t the “developer” just FINISH the house properly?

Isn’t this a massive lawsuit waiting to happen?

LiveWire

Remember the movie “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” with Steve Carrell?

He has one of the best lines when he jokingly says, “We tore up the hardwood and there was carpet underneath!”

If you don’t live and breathe real estate for a living, perhaps you don’t hear how many times people say, “We tore up the carpet and there was hardwood underneath!”

It’s NEVER the other way around, hence the Steve Carrell joke.  Seriously, never.

Or is it?

HardwoodOverCarpet

Selling a house in today’s market can be tough.

There are variables that you can control, and sometimes change, like cleaning and staging your house, for example.

Then, there are variables that you can’t change.

Like…..I dunno.

Heizenberg?  Bryan Cranston?

What if your neighbours looked like they were running two mobile meth labs out of their backyard?

Heizenberg

Real estate is a competitive business, no doubt about it.

And sometimes, you need to think outside the box, and come up with ideas that nobody has thought of.

So at the risk of losing business to the innovative individual who came up with the genius advertisement below, I think we can all learn a thing or two about “going back to basics” from this marketing piece.  Seriously, why are you wasting your time reading my blog?  Go out and hire this Broker of Record!

BrokerAd

And last, but certainly not least, here’s an advertisement I found on the bulletin board in my building (albeit back in the summer, but I’ve had this photo in queue for a while).

I don’t even know where to start with this one.

So look at the photo, then analysis to follow:

AwesomeSnake

My thoughts?

1) Who waters a snake?

2) Is $25 the going rate for snake-sitting?

3) By “just keep him in your home,” are you telling me I don’t have to walk him twice a day?

4) How “awesome” is he, and is there proof?

5) Does he have depression?  Why does he hide in his cave all day?  Are you seriously leaving this unchecked?

6) Please elaborate on the idea of an “urgent issue.”  How would I know if there was something wrong WITH A SNAKE?!?!?!

7) If he’s fed and watered in advance, and you don’t need to take him out, and the terrarium is locked, and the snake-sitter doesn’t need to do ANYTHING for ten days, then why do you need a snake-sitter?

The mind wonders…

That’s it for this week, folks!

Happy American Thanksgiving!

And remember that “Black Friday” doesn’t really exist in Canada.  It’s just a sham to get people to pay 90% of fair market value on about 20% of in-stock items at just about every store.  And even if a Panasonic TV was marked down from $1,000 to $850, do you really NEED that new Panasonic TV?

I wonder why consumer debt is at an all time high…

🙂

7 Comments

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  1. Ed says:

    pic #2 with the crossed out price.
    Is there to re-enforce value, price is ALREADY reduced by $15,900. WOW!!

  2. cobra says:

    Snake-sitting sounds perverted.

  3. AnotherAgent says:

    David,
    why don’t you get off your high horse and keep your snide remarks to yourself! So smug and self-assured you are, so totally unwilling to even consider the benefits of an open-concept dining-room that allows you to simply lean over from the table to grab that jar of mustard in the fridge. Not only that, I’m sure I’m not the only person who finds the hours between 3 and 9 to be waaay overrated, so good job covering up half that clock…No one will notice.

    As far as those feature sheets, everyone knows we real estate agents operate with razor-thin margins – I just call these scratched-out corrections for what they are: a shrewd and responsible business move. Clearly, this is someone who does not need to get paid right away and thus won’t cave in to the first lowball offer thrown at his/her clients. Why, he/she probably works for the same global powerhouse of a brokerage that has cornered the photocopied streetlight flyer advertising market in your second-to-last pic.

    I am curious however, to learn more about this golden snake-sitting opportunity. What exactly is the owner trying to say when he writes: fits in your “fire place”? The use of question-marks here has me worried. Extremely worried.

    1. DavidP says:

      VU was built with each unit having a fake sculptural fireplace… It’s hard to explain to people why…but they eat up space in every unit, and they don’t do anything.

      1. George says:

        That was a big turn off for me. How can I babysit snakes when the fireplace isn’t real?

        After meeting with several “professional” tilers to quote a job, I can only assume that that tiling job is about par for the course among the kijiji/craigslist craftsmen.

  4. Chroscklh says:

    First, is best collection of photos ever my friend. I LED’d so much, employees think I capable of happiness. Second, I think snake owner have plan – u put snake in house, snake let himself out, eat cat, let himself back in, fed for 3 weeks only cost $25. Sitter no can prove cat-sized lump in snake belly is Fluffy. The final, back my country we have “Westboro Baptist Church” sect. Make much noise. Police feed to bear. Bear die indigestion. We use church as shrine to fallen bear.

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