Folks, I’m sick. And I can’t think.
You know when your head feels like it’s in a cloud?
I’ve taken a few calls this week, and I’m coherent enough to chat. But write 1,800 insightful and intelligent words? I’m not up for the task.
So today, simply gaze upon the single ugliest house I have ever seen…
What a pretty house, right?
Look at it from the outside – it’s kind of quaint.
Here’s another picture:
Love that American flag hanging out front.
Cosmo Kramer would say, “Welcome to Anytown, U.S.A.”
When I think “Connecticut,” well, never having been there, and only knowing what I hear anecdotally, I think “big money.”
And thus I think “Gorgeous houses.”
This pretty gem is a 5-bed, 4-bath, available for sale for a mere $339,900.”
But as we know with people, beneath the exterior often lays something entirely different.
This house, ladies and gentlemen, is like that nice man that approached you and your little brother at Trace Manes Park one summer night in 1986, telling you that you had “nice hands” and that he was a hand model scout, and that you could make a lot of money, but when you told your parents that night, they freaked out, and told you he wanted to eat you…
(True Story, btw. Mom – do you remember?)
Hand-modelling aside, this house is not, on the interior, what it seems, at face value.
Shall we have a look?
Oh one more thing – the listing says, “One-of-a-kind finishing completed by a professional.”
So to the person who emailed me a couple weeks back, when I said something in my Pick5 about MLS listings that say “professionally designed,” and how the term “professional” doesn’t have any meaning – well, this is my salvation…
Then again, they could have meant “professional lunatic,” or “professional half-blind, half-mad” person.
Ah, let’s get to the pictures, you’ll see…
Call me if you want to me to draft an offer…