What do you enjoy more?
a) The bizarre MLS photos
b) The often-more-bizarre MLS captions
Today, I have a mix of both for you, as we see not only what agents will write on behalf of their well-paying clients who are selling the largest asset they’ll ever own, but also how they’ll advertise the asset for sale on the open market.
As usual, it ain’t pretty, folks…
You get 463 characters to make your mark on MLS.
463 characters in the “Client Remarks,” and I can tell you that when I’m listing a property, I write, edit, re-write, and edit this section, over, and over.
So why in the world would somebody use up those precious characters, and start the listing, giving the first impression, with something as stupid as this:
I know not every Realtor is a wordsmith, but surely something better than “you won’t hate this place” can be dreamed up, no?
Here’s an oxymoron for you if I’ve ever seen one:
“Great 80’s reno.”
Isn’t that somewhat contradictory?
I mean, I loved the 80’s. It was my childhood, it was the birth of synth-pop, aka “the greatest music ever made,” and it’s nostalgic.
But nobody wants to have 80’s decor in their house.
To suggest a home has a “great 80’s reno” is like offering to include the “super-cool knob-and-tube wiring” for free.
Every seller of a property on MLS is free to include, or exclude, any chattels and/or fixtures on the premises.
Personally, I think that to exclude items only serves to cheapen the property in the eyes of the seller, and/or potentially demotivate them when it comes to their offer price.
I’ve seen all kinds of exclusions, but this is a new one for me:
Do you think the seat has sentimental value?
Or maybe it’s a seat by the street artist Hansky, like this one of James Franco that I bought at auction for $27,000:
Okay, here’s what dictionary.com has:
never done or known before
So maybe, just maybe, the person selling this run-of-the-mill condo is exaggerating?
This one made me laugh, have a look:
Did you see?
“This is a flip, not an assignment.”
It’s a case of tomato, tommato, except it’s not.
If you’re looking to “assign” your agreement of purchase and sale, as an “assignor,” to an “assignee,” you can call it whatever you want – it’s a goddam assignment!
Surely whoever uploaded this photo can do better, no?
And surely the agent might have checked on his/her listing and said, “Geez, that photo looks really small, I should probably change that.”
Same story for this house, which could probably be shown to prospective buyers in a better light:
The “Square Footage Source” is a free-form field on MLS, so agents can put whatever they want.
Usually it’s “MPAC” or “Builder’s Plan.”
But this is a new one:
If you were selling a condo that overlooks the Gardiner Expressway, and is on the 4th floor, like – right above one of the busiest stretches of road in Toronto, would you actually take a photo of the highway and put it in the MLS listing?
I wouldn’t, but that’s just me.
But what I definitely wouldn’t do, is use the photo as the FEATURE!
Photo #1 of 20.
As in, the one everybody sees when they click on the listing:
Staging is so hot these days!
Stage the life you could be having if you lived in this condo.
Stage the meal you could be eating if you lived here!
Tonight, we’re having his-and-hers roast chicken, mashed potatoes, red peppers, and gnocci, but “she” drank all your Diet Coke, sorry!
For those who don’t have outdoor space…….or a dining table…..or a coffee table….
….we can stage the breakfast bar…
….with take-out Chinese food (?)
And last but, my God, certainly not least, let me tell you about why I’m wrong on something, for a change.
I always complain about MLS listings with no photos.
Every house or condo should have photos on MLS, I don’t care what it looks like,
Well folks, I think I found the exception to the rule.
Here’s a house filled to the brim with garbage, and the photos, as a result, are literally of piles of garbage!