More MLS Musings!

Maybe my standards are too high.

Maybe that’s it.  Maybe that’s why we keep coming back to this, every 2-3 weeks, looking at what other people post on MLS.

Today, I’ll blame both the listing agents and the home-owners for these bad photos and MLS descriptions, but we’ll also see some work from bad stagers, and bad photographers too…

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Advertising is a funny thing.

Since the dawn of print marketing, people all over the world, in every walk of life, have tried to figure out just what image, lifestyle, graphic, colour, or theme works best to attract customers.

Real estate is no different.

But I have to wonder what the listing agent for this property was thinking when he wrote this:

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I tell you guys this every single week: you get twenty photos on MLS, and one “feature photo.”

This listing agent didn’t just mail it in with one photo, as you can see from the “1 of 14,” the agent used, well, 14.

But WHY in the world is a half-made bed with a clothes-rack in lieu of a bedroom closet the feature photo for a $700,000 listing?

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I saw this listing hit MLS earlier in the week, and I was rather impressed.

Not only was I interested to see what a “European Layout” was, but I was also dying to see a 3D bedroom!

Have a look:

3D Bedroom

So I went to the condo, expecting to see something like this:

4th Dimension

But upon stepping into the unit, I realized that this actually represents the fourth dimension.

The third dimension is what we live in now, every day, all of us.

So this “3D Bedroom” was just another crappy condo…

So now let me get to a few MLS photos that I just can’t figure out.

In some cases, I can’t figure out what the hell is going on.

In other cases, I can’t figure out why this was the way the listing agent wanted to market the property.

And in most cases, it’s both.

I’ve never been a fan of the attempts to be “artistic” with photos on MLS, and frankly, this staircase photo makes me dizzy, and after trying to figure out whether this is looking up or down, I basically give up and stop looking at the house:

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This makes no sense to me.

It shows zero floor area.

It makes the room look small.

And most importantly, it looks like the photo was taken from the eye level of somebody passed out face-first on the kitchen island:

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Remember last week’s game, “Urinal or Sink,” which led to “Bedroom or Kitchen?”

I enjoyed that.

Well how about this one: “Which closet would you rather sleep in?”

Because don’t forget – that door on the right can be removed.

Did anybody say twin single beds??

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At first glance, this looks like your average, ugly, ornate bathroom.

Have a look, and let me know what you see:

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Do you see?

This bathroom has been blessed by the brand-name Gods, just like every spoiled 17-year-old with divorced parents, and a father trying to buy back her love.

This bathroom, which may as well say “Nike,” has tile brought to you by………………

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Time to put your thinking cap on…

Do you:

a) Run back to Home Depot and buy more of the same flooring
b) Use what you had from the job down the street and hope the home owner doesn’t notice?

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I know, I know, you’re thinking “Notice what?”

It’s not obvious, but in that photo above, there are two different kinds of flooring.

Right?  RIGHT???

You barely noticed.  Cool.  That just reaffirms that this was the correct decision…

Most listing agents don’t bother with “bathroom shots” unless you’re looking at a spa-like, 6-piece in a luxury home.

A 2-piece powder room is rarely photographed for MLS.

But what about when you shoot it once, and then again, but change your angle about 6-degrees?

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You’re with me, right?

You’re thinking, “I wasn’t convinced this was ‘the bathroom for me’ after the first photo, but after the second, I’m ready to call it ‘home.'”

Who?

Him?

Don’t mind him…

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That’s just Eddie.  He’s not really a part of this sale.

And no, I didn’t have the required six seconds to take another photo for MLS, that didn’t have him in it…

You know it’s a true fire-sale when they strip the built-in appliances out of the kitchen:

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But hey, at least they left the toaster oven!

Grilled Cheese, anyone?

Hurry!  Hurry!

Take the photos for this listing!

We have to shoot this house in fifty-six seconds!

Don’t even slow down, stop walking or pause to take that backyard shot!

Backyard

It’s fine.

People will just have to assume this house is tilted at a 45-degree angle, and thus the photographer did a bang-up job!

And last, but certainly not least, I think we’ve found an answer to Toronto’s rental crisis.

Just because you think you can’t put a basement apartment inside 200 square feet, and combine the kitchen with the furnace-room, doesn’t mean you can’t put a basement apartment inside 200 square feet, and combine the kitchen with the furnace room….

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Have a great weekend, everybody!

22 Comments

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  1. Sardonic Lizard says:

    Those property remarks are almost as bad as the adult classifieds in the newspaper.

  2. Frances says:

    Whoever wrote the 3D for the third bedroom was possibly influenced by a librarian who was trained to use “3d” and “2d” for third and second – or at least they used to be back when I was at Library School. Meant to save space, I think, when everything was typed on 3×5 cards.

    And you missed the Bosh appliance in the same listing.

  3. Rachelle says:

    I just want to point out that the basement apartment photo is like an instruction booklet on how to get arrested for Fire Code Violations.

    The furnace room must be enclosed all the way around including the ceiling with 5/8 fire rated drywall and fire rated doors.

    The really fun part is the plastic dryer vent hooking up the hood fan to exterior venting.

    I once had one of those catch fire, shrivel up and throw itself on the roof and burn a hole in the shingles. God must have been looking favorably over schizophrenics off their medications that day, because the fire did not spread and set the entire house on fire, it sputtered out. The burnt hole became a gargantuan roof leak that collapsed the kitchen ceiling the day after the Sheriff came and evicted the tenants.

    The thoroughly rotted meat on the counter was my very own special bonus for the eviction party.

    That’s when I learned it would be beneficial to meet all the members of the family, not just the sole sane one.

  4. Ralph Cramdown says:

    Hey, Garth’s Caledon flip is back on the market, with a $200k price drop from June. 16065 Mississauga Road.

    1. Appraiser says:

      As everyone knows by now, Barf Turder is a ‘freakin real estate guru!

      1. That Guy says:

        Careful appraiser – Garth might track you down and call your employer to get you to stop commenting on his blog – it happened to me. Strange dude.

        1. Antifa says:

          Yeah. According to public records he paid $1.5M for it 10 months ago. He’s a genius alright.

  5. CB says:

    The big oak kitchen was built for a guy in a wheel chair.

    1. Mike says:

      Exactly.

      Not sure how a real estate agent could think that they stripped out the “appliance” from under the sink. Or why they’d have three under counter appliances unless it was a “European layout” with the smaller fridge under the counter which is very common in Europe

      Then you have the stainless steel protectors under the stove top; the electrical receptacle isn’t on the back-splash where you’d traditionally find them.

    2. Geoff says:

      I didn’t think of that; good point (though hopefully they’d put that in the listing, it seems really easy to retrofit as needed).

  6. Kyle says:

    Seriously though, what is a “European Layout”? Anyone?

    1. Francesca says:

      The only thing I can think of to explain the “European Layout” is in reference to the closets in the listing. In Italy for example there are no closets in any bedrooms. The Closets are Armoires that are made specifically for the room and it doesn’t belong to the house, you take it with you when you move and hope it fits your new apartment. The ceiling height in the apartments is much taller than here so I remember you would have two levels of closet space and during the change of season you would need a store type hook to move your clothes up and down levels so you could access them easily. Also none of the kitchen cabinets, appliances come with the apartment either. You either have to buy it off the previous owner or again take it with you. And yes the fridge is sometimes under the counter along with your washer/dryer combo or hidden behind one of the cabinet doors as a full size fridge.

  7. Ralph Cramdown says:

    Sorry, people, I can’t restrain myself. So that first bathroom — his and hers shitters? Two doors, both too narrow to be the main entrance. And no, the other one isn’t a linen closet, because it has a lock. So this is a thing now? I don’t rub elbows with people in that circle, obviously.

    And David, beware. That kitchen isn’t stripped, it’s wheelchair friendly.

    1. Ralph Cramdown says:

      Oops, the other door is the entrance. Narrow hallway, narrow door. But the idea is out there now. That, and making sure your bathroom door has FOUR hinges, in case it needs to hold powerful forces at bay. Hodor!

  8. Sarah says:

    Maybe the different coloured hardwood was once a bowling alley?

    anyone, anyone? No?… okay – worth a shot.

  9. Ralph Cramdown says:

    What is the agent thinking? I dunno, maybe “Yee-haw! $2.1m (obo) for a dated two bedroom on a 40 foot lot in a floodplain!”

    https://www.trulia.com/property/5031555219-1262-Pawnee-Pl-Bronx-NY-10461

  10. ed says:

    staircase is up

  11. VC says:

    Love your MLS musings. I do want to point out I do think the POWDER rooms pictures are different unless someone decided to change the vanity, mirror and bathroom fan before taking the second picture. Otherwise, I believe they are 2 different bathrooms looking very similar.

  12. JC says:

    Those are 2 different bathrooms.

    1. ed says:

      yeah I saw that too. Very luxurious, 2-2 piece washrooms

      1. My mistake!

        Wow, tough week for errors on here. It’s been a long year…

        1. Rachelle says:

          Seriously David, I’m with you, none of the powder rooms make it to any advertisements, and rarely a bathroom, they just don’t look that great in pictures, the rooms are small and nothing says rent me like “look a bathroom”

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