More MLS Musings!

New year, same unbelievable MLS photos and captions.

It took me all of three weeks to save up these little ditties, and then some!

Let’s take a look at a few of both today: some ridiculous things written in the “remarks” sections, and some comical photos that make you shake your head.  I assure you, the last photo today will keep you guessing all weekend…


“A picture paints a thousand words.”

Very true, in the context of MLS photos.

But what about the actual words themselves?  What kind of story can they tell?

Some of the most amusing finds in MLS listings are in the notes themselves.  Here are a few doozies…

This listing was for a commercial unit inside a hotel/condo, which already tells me I want no part of it.

But what I found interesting was that the unit, inside the hotel, is being sub-leased to the hotel, by the current lessor!


Then they just throw “your clients will be impressed” in there randomly.

It’s like showing an ad for a guy eating a hamburger at McDonald’s, ands saying, “Your friends will be impressed.”

Not so sure about that 990 year lease assignment.

With the amount of stress I have in my life, I know there’s no way I’ll live past age-970…

I know what you’re going to say, “It’s a language barrier,” I know.

But it’s too funny to pass up:


Personally, I wouldn’t want to move into a “demanding neighbourhood.”

My job is demanding.

My family life is demanding.

I don’t need a demanding neighbourhood too…

This one has no red underlines because I hate the whole thing.

I hate when agents write BS “slices of life” in the MLS remarks, rather than talking about the property:


“It’s been a long day at work?”  Really?  That is your opening?

Tired toes, bottles of wine, favourite TV shows…

Sorry, but I think describing the house is a better use of the exactly 463 characters that the CLIENT REMARKS section provides.

Sometimes, I think I’m oh-so fortunate to have not one, but two bathrooms, so I don’t have to share one with my wife.

But then when I lay eyes on a standard, ten-bathroom condo, I realize how real Torontonians are living…


Sometimes when listing agents get really desperate, they’ll offer a 2.5% commission, plus $3,000 “if sold by February 15th.”

This agent is either really cheap, or he’s overvaluing our city’s love of bread, cheese, and sauce…


I always tell my sellers, “You can not restrict showings.”  Any buyer who would have seen the property, but didn’t, is a lost chance at a sale.

If you’ve got a tenant in the property, you meet with them for coffee, sit them down, and come to an agreement.

This is no way to list real estate in Toronto:


Oh, and they want you to assume the tenant too.  The very tenant that will only allow showings for two hours per month?

Sign me up!

Why is it that most photographers don’t know how to shoot bathrooms?

I know bathrooms can be angular, and you want to avoid the classic toilet-shot.

But what the hell is this?


Or this?

It’s like a photo from the security camera in the top corner of the room…


I don’t know how I feel about this angle.

It’s either way better, or way worse:


And this one, well, I don’t even know to make of it.

It’s as though the photographer was laying on the shower floor.

I’m thinking somebody was knocked unconscious, woke up, and took a picture when calling for help…


I find this to be a very strange way to market a condo kitchen.


There’s just something really creepy about it.

It reminds me of….

Reminds me of…


….ah, right!



“Renovated kitchen,” you say?

Yes, there are new cabinets, new appliances…..

…..and a new floor


You know the property is garbage, as is the agent selling it, when somebody used Paint to draw a red box around the house and the garbage in the front yard:


I don’t know what makes this property less appealing – the giant red box drawn around the house, or the condo under construction in the backyard that’s just dwarfing this rowhouse!

I’m no home inspector, but I’d say the addition on the back of this might not meet Mike Holmes’ standards…


This property has a “water view,” according to the listing.


If you look out the window, over the billboard, and under the giant crane (which is building a condo that will obstruct the view by next year), you can see some water… between two buildings…



And last, but oh God – oh most certainly not least, we have a screenshot from Google Street View as the feature photo on an MLS listing, rather than, you know – the listing agent actually going to the property with a camera.

But I can’t help but wonder in this picture: which is the house for sale?


Have a great weekend, everybody!


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  1. Condodweller says:

    You cannot underestimate the psychological value of views of bodies of water; no matter how small. I used to live in a place about 10 blocks north of the lakeshore facing West where if I leaned out far enough on my balcony I could see Lake Ontario. Well, sort of… it was the width of a two-lane street 10 blocks away. I recall feeling happy the first time I noticed I could see it and found myself looking at the “lake” many times after that! I suppose this has something to do with why lakefront properties sell at a premium.

    Psychologists have shown that looking at “green” will make people feel better vs someone who can’t, no matter how small the tree/plant. Even if it’s just a single tree in a concrete jungle.

  2. Noglitz says:

    Re: “Google Street View as the feature photo”

    Worse. It’s Google Earth.

  3. Buckley B. Buckington says:

    Next time I am negotiating my salary I will request that they throw in one large pizza per annum.

  4. lui says:

    Actually the first bathroom photo isn’t that bad.

  5. Sardonic Lizard says:

    That condo listing with 10 washrooms is perfect for someone with irritable bowel syndrome.

    1. Noglitz says:

      At a mere $180K per.

  6. Kramer says:

    That rear-addition picture is both hilarious and horrifying …

    I’m not sure if I’m expecting an awesome dog or Leatherface to emerge from it.

    1. Chris says:

      Haha when I first looked at that picture, I definitely thought it was a dog house…was thinking to myself “wow that’s a pretty nice dog house!”

      1. Noglitz says:

        “Pretty nice”? Only if you hate your dog.

        1. Chris says:

          Well, full disclosure, my dog sleeps in the house on one of many (too many) dog beds…but I didn’t think that thing looked too bad as some outdoor shelter for a canine!

  7. Geoff says:

    It must be Friday as I kind of like that kitchen floor.

  8. ed says:

    2.5% + Large pizza.

    Love it

    1. Sarah says:

      You know – That would probably entice me to bring a buyer …
      I love pizza.

      1. Noglitz says:

        Look at all those Raptors fans who go ballistic when the team scores their hundredth point (which for those of you who may not know, entitles all ACC patrons to a free slice of pizza – but only if they win).

        1. Condodweller says:

          A slice of pizza at the ACC is worth more than a large pizza outside the ACC, isn’t it?

          Since the commission is obviously open to negotiations I would call the agent and tell them I will bring an offer if they throw in 6 cans of pop LOL.

    2. Marina says:

      I don’t know…. depending on the toppings this could really go either way…