More MLS Musings!

I have so many goodies for this week, that I just can’t put them all into one blog post.

Building a solid MLS Musings blog post is like making a wicked heavy-metal “mix tape” back in the 1980’s.  You have to start, and end, on a good note, but you want to save something for the second edition.

You just don’t bury “Sweet Child of Mine” right in the middle of the tape.  Save that space for something by Alice in Chains, or even Faith no More.  And hey, don’t you think, “Youth Gone Wild” is underrated?


Anybody over the age of twelve will understand that there’s a method to how any good or service is priced.

I don’t know when the whole 99-cent thing came into play, but even a child could tell you that $3.99 sounds a whole lot better than $4.00.

When it comes to real estate, we see a lot of “$688,888” type of action, although as I remarked in my Pick5 this week, I often wonder of those of Chinese descent are attracted to their culture’s “lucky number,” or if they’re turned off by the pathetically obvious attempt to lure them in.

In any event, say what you want about the effect of numerical pricing strategies, but I fail to understand the devilish pricing “strategy” seen here:


Listing agents are getting more and more creative with how to attract, and compensate, buyer agents.

We saw the “2.5% Plus Free Pizza” offering last month.

But what about this offering to cooperating agents:


Do you want to call this “marketing at its finest?”

Have a read:


They’ve basically taken every negative and turned it into a positive.

Put on your Debbie-Downer hat, and you’ve got a house is in the middle of nowhere, with an unfinished basement, a useless loft, and no parking.

Great job!

I’m feeling gracious today, so I’m going to give out an award.

It’s an award I’ve never given out before, but I don’t know that I’ve ever seen something so deserving as the following.

I’m not a fan of “pillars” in the corner of living rooms in condos, but in some units, they add character, and if the unit is large enough, they don’t infringe upon the space.

However, the award for “Toronto’s Worst Pillar” clearly goes to the following unit, which basically has a pillar in the middle of the goddam room:


Doesn’t look much better from this angle – which shows the pillar basically kills the entire space.

Who the hell designed this?


Some properties just don’t need photos.

And some backyard playgrounds shouldn’t be “marketed” on the listing.

Check this out?


It reminded me of something……I’m not sure what.

I closed my eyes, thought hard, and came up with this:


I’ve always loved blurry MLS photos!

It shows that either the person holding their Canon Sure Shot has no idea how to work the child’s tool, or they’re in such a hurry to run through the condo, that they take photos like the following:


First of all, why bother posting a photo of laundry?  99% of Toronto condos have a washer/dryer.

But more importantly, if you got back to your dark-room and developed these glossy 8 x 10’s only to discover that the photo of said laundry was blurry, why-oh-why would you put it on MLS?

I also don’t understand why people use the “fish eye” technique:


Why hire a professional photographer when you can just take photos yourself?

of yourself…


Not only did this agent or seller decide not to use a professional photographer, and capture him or herself in the window, but they also took the photo at night, which is basically magnifies their own reflection tenfold:


Of course, taking photos during the daytime can be just as difficult as those taken at night.

Just because there are no mirrors, or no reflections, doesn’t mean you can’t capture yourself in the shot:


Who says you don’t need to pay $400 for professional photos, am I right??

And while we’re at it…

…why protect the privacy and anonymity of your 2 1/2 children either?



We see a lot of “bedroom photos” taken at terrible angles on MLS.

This photo below only shows half the damn bed!


But are you better off taking a photo from the other side of the room, and showing the rest of the bed, when it points out this oh-so-lovely view of a brick all, eight feet away?


And last, but certainly not least, I want to give out another award today.

What can I say?  I’m feeling really, really generous.

“World’s Worst Pillar” is an honourable award; so honourable, as I mentioned above, that today is the first time it’s been awarded.

But what if we went back to the well, and re-awarded, “World’s Worst Floor Plan?”

And what if we combined the two, and came up with “World’s Worst Floor Plan With World’s Worst Pillar?”

What would that look like, you ask?

In my mind’s eye, I see an awkward shaped-unit, with a ton of wasted space via a really long hallway, and a pillar literally in the middle of the room.

Yes, it might look something like this:


Folks, I challenge you – find me a worse floor plan, and I’ll include it in the next edition of MLS Musings.

And thanks again for all the agents and MLS-addicts that forward me pictures on a weekly basis.  It seems like this theme has really caught on…

Have a great weekend!


Post A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. Frances says:

    How about building storage units from the pillar to that little bit of wall between the windows. That would give you a bedroom with a closet and a rectangular living room. The kitchen fails though – there is hardly any work space. And there is no washing machine.

  2. Wilson says:

    Just stretch your head sideways if you want to watch TV:

    1. Frances says:

      Two complete bathrooms – what’s the point in that? Otherwise, not bad. (I’m a connoisseur of floor plans and developers in general fail at floor plans all the time. Especially kitchens.)

      1. Wilson says:

        The pillar in front of the TV doesn’t bug you?

  3. paul says:

    LOL that is the worst plan, BUT 774sqft is pretty huge.

  4. GinaTo says:

    Is that a 774 sq ft BACHELOR? Is the washer-dryer next to the sink? If so, how small can it be? Do you somehow hang your clothes on the pillar because there is NO storage in that condo? Next logical question would be “Who buys these?”, but Izzy below already provided the answer…
    Love the “uncomfortable hug”. My kind of humour 🙂

  5. Free Country says:

    Thanks David. Why wouldn’t the developer have simply combined this unit with the terrible floor plan with the adjacent unit and improved them both?

  6. Buckley B. Buckington says:

    Here is my nomination for worst floor plan:

    All the awful features of the one David posted, but 1/2 the floor area. (At least you get a balcony though)

    1. @ Buckely

      This is a winner, no doubt.

      Not as much because of the layout or shape, per se. But rather because they have written “sleep/live/cook/dine” in the HALLWAY!

      They named this model the “Bob Dylan” unit. Maybe they figure hippie beatniks who have no problem sleeping or eating on the floor in a hall would be the target buyer…

    2. Condodweller says:

      Aside from the fact it’s small, that’s actually good layout. It’s a corner unit with all windows, has the kitchen against the back wall as opposed to along the living room wall, and for a small unit, I would prefer to have a hallway rather than have the main door open directly into the living/bedroom. I can think of much worse units like the 7-8 foot wide bowling alley ones with the kitchen along the side wall.

  7. Sardonic Lizard says:

    >> An Uncomfortably Long Hug

    I’d rather take the free pizza!

    >> And what if we combined the two, and came up with “World’s Worst Floor Plan With World’s Worst Pillar?”

    Then you would have the “World’s Worst Developer”. Seriously. What were they thinking with that layout? Who’s gonna buy that-wait….this is Toronto. People will buy anything here, regardless of logic and reason.

    1. Izzy Bedibida says:

      They are hoping that people who can’t read or understand floor plans will buy, or overseas investors who buy sight unseen.
      I was the guy that would show up to sales offices with a tape measure and notes, and get promptly escorted out of the sales center when I asked questions about the missing dimensions and the scaled inconsistencies of queen size beds in 8′ x 7.5′ bedrooms on the nice renderings. I was always told that serious buyers ready to buy had to be accommodated that day.

      1. Sardonic Lizard says:

        >> I was always told that serious buyers ready to buy had to be accommodated that day.

        Serious buyers? You mean Greater Fools.

  8. Kyle says:

    “Building a solid MLS Musings blog post is like making a wicked heavy-metal “mix tape” back in the 1980’s. You have to start, and end, on a good note, but you want to save something for the second edition.

    You just don’t bury “Sweet Child of Mine” right in the middle of the tape. Save that space for something by Alice in Chains, or even Faith no More. And hey, don’t you think, “Youth Gone Wild” is underrated?”

    Loved reading this. Pure gold!

  9. Marina says:

    Oh wow, that floor plan is bad!

    General question – what’s the most useless / hard to furnish room shape? Triangle? semi-circle? some weird polygonal monstrosity?
    I remember seeing a floor plan with one curved wall and thinking – well, you basically have to put everything on one side of the room!

  10. Condodweller says:

    Ok, David, since it’s judgment day today (I’m surprised you are not offering a coffee card to identify your picture) I am going to judge you. You said agents are great at turning negatives into positives and yet you don’t recognize your favourite space in the unit with the worst pillar.

    I have one word for you:


    See, it’s now the winner of the best layout award!

    1. Condodweller says:

      I just came across this plan at the Core which takes the den idea one step further by converting that space behind the column into a tiny balcony!

      This is a two bedroom layout but unit #1603 currently on MLS is a one bedroom unit with the same layout minus a bedroom.

  11. Agnese says:

    Love reading these!!

  12. Ralph Cramdown says:

    What about that one where the agent got a big listing and hired a drone to get a close-up of the squirrels’ nest in the tree?