More MLS Musings!

I’d like to follow up on Monday & Wednesday’s blogs and a few of the discussions that emerged, specifically looking at whether pre-construction condo prices are higher because of “greedy developers,” or because of rising costs.

But the more I dig into this topic, the more research I realize I need to do.

Soooo……that will wait until Monday.

Today, enjoy a photo of an open concept toilet in a master bedroom!

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You can’t make this up, folks.

I don’t know if this was a case of:

a) a cat or baby stepping on the keyboard when the office administrator clicked “Submit” on the MLS listing
b) done intentionally “to get people talking”

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There’s something so unsatisfying about superlatives being used on MLS.

Certain words, I take to heart.

Like “serenity,” for example.  That’s a serious word, not to be taken lightly.  And when used along with “country living,” I long for my quiet, secluded home away from home in Idaho, in the middle of freaking nowhere.

So what do you make of this caption from a recent MLS listing?

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That’s a lot to live up to!

“The serenity of country living,” the listing reads.

I can only imagine what that looks like.

Maybe a sprawling ten acre backyard?

Perhaps “country living” denotes dozens of mature trees?

I can’t tell you how disappointed I was to click on the listing and see this “serene” backyard with its “country living” glory:

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Maybe this one is even worse?

You be the judge.

“Serenity” is a strong word, but what about “zen?”

Which one is easier to exaggerate?

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What do you think of when you picture a “Zen Courtyard?”

Folks, no word of a lie – this is the photo that showed up on MLS:

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Okay, okay, to be fair, if you go out on the balcony, and crank your head to the right, you see this too:

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So while you do, sort of, kind of, overlook the “zen courtyard,” you still have to decide how zen that is.

And just to show you how completely off-base I can be, and/or how hot the market is – this condo got eight offers, and sold well over the list price.

Go figure!

How about a “home office?”

What does that look like to you?

Maybe…………a desk under a raised bed, with a prop staging laptop and nowhere to sit in front of it, and an awkward lounge chair facing the other way, shot through a fisheye camera?

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What does a “master bedroom” look like to you?

Maybe……………….a finished, 1/2-storey, A-frame attic, with a bed you can’t get in and out of without banging your head?

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I’m not sure what to make of this.

It’s like a 5-year-old saying, “Mom, I actually ate all my food, and didn’t feed it to the dog like I do most every other night, while pretending to like your cooking.”

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Showing off that you actually obtained permits?

“Officer, I just wanted to let you know that I do not have a dead body in my trunk.”

Tell me if I’m an old fuddie-duddie here, folks.

Personally, I would prefer to watch a Leafs or Raptors playoff game from the comfort of my own couch, on tape-delay to fast-forward through every single break, but I know many people (perhaps me when I was younger) prefer to go stand in the street among 15,000 strangers on Bremner Boulevard and pee down at their feet when the mood strikes.

But why in the world would the listing agent for a condo at 55-65 Bremner Boulevard show the following photo, and remind potential buyers of the traffic, both automotive and pedestrian, that exists right outside their door for 41 Raptors home games, 41 Leafs home games, playoffs, Toronto Rock, Kid Rock, Rock of Ages, and whatever monster truck jam happens to be rolling through on a Sunday afternoon:

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My wife and I have been married for 5-years now, and at night, in bed, we engage in a little pillar talk.

No, that’s not a typo.

I didn’t mean pillow talk.

I meant PILLAR talk!

You know I love a good pillar photo, and this one is exceptional:

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Damn, that’s hot!

Right there, in front of the oven.

Forget those dreams of a kitchen island, folks!  That 3-foot-thick pillar isn’t going anywhere.

But good news, you can still fit a love-seat behind it, so long as you never want to access your patio:

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Not to be outdone, the pillar’s cousin lives in the master bedroom:

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And last, but certainly not least, we have a real way to spice up your marriage.

Some suggest role-playing.

Others suggest inviting somebody new into the bedroom, but I think that’s a recipe for disaster.

My solution:

Eleven words, one comma, one hyphen, and a whole lot of new territory to be broken:

“open concept, two-piece master ensuite with sliding transparent glass door”

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Have a great weekend, everybody!

10 Comments

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  1. jeff316 says:

    I think the kitchen/living pillar isn’t that bad but the bedroom pillar just totally ruins the room

  2. Marina says:

    That last bathroom is the stuff of legend. Seriously, how does anyone think that this is a good idea? Ever!
    Because the thing is, it was clearly done on purpose.
    I remember a photo you once posted of a lone toilet in the middle of a basement, but that was clearly laziness. Here someone actually “designed” that bathroom!

    1. Kramer says:

      Maybe it was previously a sexy bedroom shower… and then the new owner was the polar opposite of the last owner and was like “I don’t need no sexy shower… I need another crapper is what I need!… and why waste a good shower door just to pay for framing and green board!? Open air crapper it is!”

      That’s basically the only possible scenario I can imagine.

    2. A Grant says:

      I wonder if the washroom was initially fully enclosed – based on the tile work, you can kind of see the intended floorplan. Of course, if the intended floor plan was followed…. Ooops! Can’t fully open the bedroom door! And mostly likely wouldn’t be able to access the “closet”

      1. A Grant says:

        And the you can tell where the bathroom sink was originally supposed to be (see the overhead light). Yep, the bathroom was supposed to be a lot larger…

  3. Kramer says:

    I love the ZEN COURTYARD … right next to the PARKING GARAGE ENTRANCE… very zen indeed.

    And what is with all these pillars? Have these always been around or is this just part of a cheap new way to build towers? Is it common for dogs to pee on them? I would. If I was a dog, of course.

  4. Craijiji says:

    I’ve Always Wondered Why Realtors Feel The Need To Capitalize Every Word In The Descriptions Portion Of Their Listings.

    1. Sandra says:

      We don’t “feel the need”, it’s the MLS software which does it. We’ve been fighting it for YEARS!!! MLS is Mls: SGD is Sgd, etc etc. We hate it.

      1. Craijiji says:

        Ahhhh! Well I learned something today then, thanks for clarifying that. I always found it very odd.

  5. chT says:

    “Dukless” air conditioner… 🙂

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