Quick Hits!

This week’s quick hits can only be compared to the best band to ever come out of the 1990’s: Ace of Base.

When they released “All That She Wants,” I thought they’d peaked.  But when they followed up with “The Sign,” it was like the precursor to backslash-fangirlscream.

Can anybody name their third single off that same album?

Multiple (Rental) Offers?

I’ve only seen this once before in my career.

I submitted an offer to lease for a 1-bedroom-plus-den, 2-bathroom condo in the St. Lawrence Market area last week, and I wasn’t the only one.

There were THREE offers on the condo, which was in a great area, in a great building, but really didn’t have the “wow-factor.”

I told my clients, “Rarely are you ‘wowed’ by a rental unit.  They’re usually vacant, they don’t have many upgrades, and you can tell that four or five people have moved in and out of the unit.”

The space was great, but I have to admit that the price was at or even above fair market value.

My clients and I drafted an offer for $100 under asking with a preferable September closing date, but ultimately once we saw that we were in competition, we knew we’d have to be at the full asking price, with an immediate close.

It just didn’t seem worth it, sans WOW.

My clients were originally looking to purchase and now they’re looking to rent, so perhaps they need to get used to the lackluster rental units that Toronto has available, compared to the glowing, beautiful, staged condos that we see for sale.


Keep this on the down-low, but I’m looking at a condo on Wednesday morning for myself.

I’m very excited about Wednesday, but I can’t really comment on the unit.

I can’t say where it is, how big it is, what it’s priced at – for fear of somebody else going and taking a look and beating me to the punch.

Now that I think of it, this is a terrible story.  How do I delete this…

Whatever Floats Your Boat

I laugh every time I see one of these come on MLS!

I can’t give out the exact address, but I will comment on the hilarity of a “floating house” down by the waterfront.

There’s no actual land to purchase – just the home, which sits on the water year-round, and participates in a land-lease agreement.

I can’t imagine that anybody sees this as a viable primary residence.  Perhaps this is the alternative to a cottage, or perhaps it’s perfect for some CEO to house (or visit…) his mistress.  But wouldn’t you get dizzy with all the rocking back and forth?  From the water, I mean…

I’m actually giggling as I type this.  Think of the home inspection!  Imagine!  “Any basement leakage?”

Or think about your parents’ reaction when you tell them what you bought, rather than live in their basement for one day longer.

It’s times like this that I wish RECO didn’t have such stringent rules about “unauthorized advertising” and “interference with listings.”  You’ve simply got to see this!

Illegal Barbecues

The next time you’re at your buddy’s crummy rental unit down in CityPlace, go out on the balcony and look out at the condo next door (there are many to choose from), and take a look at all of the people who are hiding away illegal BBQ’s!

I had a debate with a colleague of mine the other day about who is more likely to have an illegal BBQ: a renter or an owner.

I think renters are more likely, because they don’t really care as much about the rules.  I figure that an owner takes more responsibility and is more worried about being reprimanded by the condo corporation.

My colleague argued the opposite, saying that renters are afraid of being evicted and they’ll do whatever they can to stop that from happening.  She added that owners feel a sense of entitlement, despite the fact that another balcony is eight feet above them and they shouldn’t be bringing a propane tank in the elevator while rapidly ascending to the 42nd floor.  She feels that owners assume they can wiggle out of any “letter” the condo corp sends them.

Both arguments have merit.

At the end of the day, there are thousands upon thousands of illegal barbecues on balconies in Toronto condos, and I don’t see the number decreasing.

I actually saw a guy barbecuing on what was only a little more than a Juliette balcony – measuring about four feet long by about two feet deep – barely enough to stand on!

Damn!  It’s Hot In Here!

While taking a client around on Tuesday and enduring the 33-degree heat, my client asked me why I wear a suit every day.

He said, “Do you have to wear a suit?”

I told him, “David Fleming doesn’t have to do anything that David Fleming doesn’t want to do.  And David Fleming can talk about himself in the third person if he wants to.”

I mean, Rickey Henderson is gonna be the best Rickey Henderson that Rickey Henderson can be, and only in a Ricky-Henderson-esque kind of way that only a Ricky-Henderson-type person can emulate.  (I think about 1% of the readers understand this, but they’re the cool 1%!)

Anyways, I explained that I’m tired of seeing these new-age, 24-ish Realtors in Toronto that are dressing like the guys on “Million Dollar Listing.”

Do you know how many young Realtors are putting on their ripped $400 jeans (that some Brazilian peasant gently rubbed with a stone for seventy hours to bring out the ‘authentically ripped look’), add an Hermes belt (even though it’s pronounced ehr-mez, I still think of Hermes – the messenger to the Gods), a v-neck shirt with a couple of dog-tags dangling, and then top it off with a funky hat?

I know that Malibu real estate agents look cool, hip, funky, and a host of other adjectives that mean the same thing, but I still think of real estate as a BUSINESS.

When I got into the business, I looked up to three agents in my company, all of whom wore a suit every single day, and all of whom were Top-Ten agents.  I modelled myself after these guys, and never looked back.

Maybe in Beverly Hills, where your daddy gives you $3 Million to find your “starter home,” you need a tripped-out Realtor who wears yellow shoes and knows the bartender at (insert stupid nightclub of the week here), but I think if your Toronto Realtor doesn’t act, dress, and seem professional, it’s because he’s not.

Re-Districts Re-Examined

It’s been a week now since TREB launched their stupid new “districts” and I’ve yet to hear one positive word about them.

Who is Blake-Jones?

Or what is Blake-Jones?  Who came up with this?  It sounds like the name of a 70’s jazz singer, but it’s actually a new district that could have easily been called “Leslieville,” since we all know it as that.

It’s like renaming Toronto “Smith-Cooper” and expecting people not to call it “Toronto.”

“Hey man, where do you live?”  “Oh, I live on Rushbrooke Avenue – you know – down in the Blake-Jones district.”

Nah, it just doesn’t have the same ring to it as Leslieville.

It’s kind of like re-naming your son after he turns 20…


Quick show of hands – how many of you would not live on Dingwall Avenue in Riverdale because it’s a stupid name?

This is something I heard from a friend of mine today.

But she did say she’d live one street over on “Frizzell.”

(Jerry Springer’s) Final Thoughts

I heard on the news the other night that the Toronto real estate market is set to implode.

They interviewed a “professor” who was sitting in front of many books (an obvious sign of intelligence), and he said that the crash is coming.  They then voiced over a scene where he’s flipping through pages of one of the aforementioned books, which I believed was to demonstrate that he can read.

But THEN, they interviewed a Realtor who said that there is no crash coming, and that now is as good a time as any to buy real estate.  She was leaning on her own FOR-SALE sign, by the way.

What to do, what to do!

Well, at least we didn’t sell our country’s soul to the devil, rack up $15 Trillion in debt, and set ourselves up to be “New China” in about ten years.

That reminds me – I have to exchange some currency for my trip down south…


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  1. Illegal BBQ’ing will never stop!

  2. G___ says:

    First condo I put a rental offer in on, 2 months ago Shuter and Mutual, was a competitive situation with another offer. We upped ours and still lost out (they wanted a female), not that I’m bitter about having to default into Cityplace…. There were other units my agent and I looked at that the listing agents indicated multiple offers were in on them/MLS had ROs listed. Nice places are hard to find.

  3. Clara says:

    I think you meant forwardslash-fangirlscream.
    But ill forgive you just this once because of your Ace of Base reference 😉

  4. Daniel says:


    Please tell me you haven’t been online chatting with sixteen year old girls.

  5. George says:

    “Don’t Turn Around!” Although, it must be said, “The Sign” was the best of the bunch. I remember my math teacher at the time using “The Sign” to teach addition/subtraction of integers. He just broke into song as we all looked on in horror.

  6. clifford says:

    The illegal BBQ thing.

    What do you mean by illegal? I know BBQ’s with a propane talk are not allowed, but electric BBQ’s are. Are you telling me that you’re seeing propane tanks on balconies? That’s not a good thing…but it is Cityplace so….

    As far as the bubble bursting. I think it’s going to happen. The present pricing is not sustainable. There are far too many condos being built and there’s too much of a foreign investment pressence. Hope I’m wrong, but I think we’ll see price drops of 20-25%. Unlike the doom&gloomers and real estate community, I have no horse in this race. I’m an investor myself and have stopped investing in real estate for a few years now.

  7. Kyle says:

    “What to do, what to do!”

    I think the answer is pretty simple. Do your own homework. Look to stats objectively. Don’t just listen to Economist XYZ or agent ABC, simply because his/her hypothesis agrees with what you’d like the future to hold. Look to stats to explain that is actually happening, and not just the ones that reaffirm what you’d like to see.

    When one looks at the stats objectively, it’s pretty clear that prices have been rising in T.O. because the number of high income earners in T.O has been growing very quickly.


  8. David says:

    There’s several boats for sale on MLS by Bluffers. Good luck to those agents!

  9. Moonbeam! says:

    Ha-ha! love the quick hits! and you look great in your suits!!
    Besides bbqs on balconies, what about houses with bbqs, garbage cans, recycling bins, and sofas on the front porch?