I could have called this post, “Let’s cost Rogers $300 Million,” but I would have to guarantee that one-million people do exactly as I tell them in the following post.

Maybe the following is obvious to some people, and I don’t profess to be the first person to either try this idea or suggest that others do as well.

But it’s still worth detailing!  And worth trying as well…

No, I’m not worried about some sort of fallout from Rogers if this post goes viral.

They’ve already credited my account, and it’s too late for them do take back the television bounty that they bestowed upon me.

The reason I’m writing this post is simple: we all HATE Rogers.  We always have, and we always will.   We hate arguing with them on the phone to no avail, and we hate their sneaky, backhanded tactics to lock is into contracts for our phone, cable TV, and Internet.

But we never switch to Bell because we’ve memorized the TV channels and we know the remote control off-by-heart.

And I think subconsciously, we associate the colour red with our TV and phone, and we could just never get used to blue.

I went out for dinner the other night with my brother and our buddy Spoore, and we started talking about The Ultimate Fighter.  I was raving on and on about how G.S.P. is dominating that snotty brat, Josh Koschek, and my brother said, “Woah-woah – hold up, spoiler alert!  Don’t tell me anything!  I haven’t seen the last episode!”

I told him that they replay the episodes a couple of times per week on Sportsnet so he wasn’t entirely out of luck, and then he looked at me somewhat strangely and slowly said, “Dude…..I do have a PVR!”

Right.  PVR.

“Aaaah, right,” I said, as I nodded and then trailed off.

My brother and Spoore exchanged smiling glances and then my brother said, “Tell me you don’t have a PVR!”

I didn’t answer.

“You, who has everything doesn’t have a PVR?”

I explained how I didn’t really want to learn how to use the PVR, as if that was a viable reason, and then went on about how I don’t want to change the cable box either, how I don’t have time, etc.

My brother said, “The HD box comes with PVR.  Just get it; you know you’re going to eventually.”

Then Spoore said something prolific: “Just go get it for free.  I did.  I just called them up and talked my way into twelve free months.  You’re a goddam salesman – it should take you two minutes to swindle whoever is on the other end of the line.”

And you know what?  He was right.

Anybody can do this, we just don’t because we’re lazy.

This has been on my mental to-do list for about a year now.  Ever since I saw NFL football in high-definition on my Dad’s ridiculous 9000-inch television, I’ve been meaning to get the damn HD-box from Rogers, and I have known all along that I could probably swindle a deal for free.

So we don’t we all do this?

What’s stopping us?

Pick up the phone RIGHT NOW and do it!

Once again I have to reiterate: I’m not taking credit for this “ingenious” idea, nor am I attempting to brag as if this is something that only I can do because of my special super-powers.

We can all do it.

So go ahead.

I called Rogers; I’m not sure which number because they’re all the same, and then I punched numbers over and over until a real person came onto the phone.

I told them “Can I speak to somebody about cancelling my account please.”

That gets their attention.

They switched me around to about three different departments, probably on purpose to try and get me to hang up, but the average wait-time wasn’t that bad – only about 3-5 minutes per hold.

I reached somebody in the billing department and I told her that I wanted to cancel my account.  She asked, “Why,” and I told her it was none of her business; I wanted to cancel my account, and I wanted to do it now!

She transferred me to whom I understood would be the last line of defence.

A nice lady picked up the phone, and I don’t think it was any coincidence that her phone voice made me want to jump through the line and give her chocolate and flowers.

I told her that I wanted to cancel my account because I’d “had it” with Rogers, and she provided me with almost enough empathy to keep me from hearing her fingers frantically typing on her keyboard.

She said something like, “Rogers would be very sorry to lose your business; in attempts to help improve our customer service and retention, would you be able to explain your reason for cancelling your television services?”

I replied, “Yeah well it’s simple, you see, Bell is offering-up a free HD-PVR box for twelve full months to anybody that switches over from Rogers!  You guys charge $24.99 per month for the HD-PVR, so how the hell can I pass this up?”

She kept typing on her keyboard and said, “Well, Mr. Fleming, that does sound like quite a substantial offer, but what if I were to tell you that Rogers has a special promotion on right now that could also provide you with an HD-PVR box for twelve months with no charge?”

Sidebar for a moment: notice how they say “no charge.”  It’s like they refuse to say “free.”  They just don’t want you to have 100% satisfaction, so they try to diminish your elation to about 98% by saying “no charge.”  Maybe they think they’re saving face in the process.

So I sounded very surprised and said, “Wow, really?  I had no idea this promotion was even available!”

But then she stroked my ego a little and said, “Well, Mr. Fleming, this is a limited-time offer only being extended to you.”

Book it.

That’s a $300 savings from a company that loves to rape and pillage!

Oh sure – they still won’t replace your Blackberry if it falls apart after one day of using it, and they won’t refund your money when you’re accidentally charged TWICE for the same pay-per-view, but it sure feels nice to take something away from the Evil Empire.

I only had to walk about three blocks from my condo to pickup my new HD-PVR box and exchange the old one.

And now, all I need is one of you friendly blog-stalkers to come over and help me learn how to PVR past episodes of Who’s The Boss, Growing Pains, and of course Saved By The Bell.

I have a “Zach Morris Phone” as a bookend…

So I suggest that each and every one of you DROP whatever you’re doing, and call Rogers right now to get a free, er, I mean, “no charge”  HD-PVR box.

Operators are standing by to take your call right now.

1-888-ROGERS-1