My memory isn’t what it used to be.

I could swear up and down that I’ve done this opening before, but I scoured the TRB archives and there’s no mention of Evie, Troy, or Buzz…

In any event…

…do you remember “Out Of This World?”

It was an NBC sitcom which ran from 1987 through 1991, but my friends and I saw it on syndication at lunch hour in 1992 and 1993.

The show revolved around a teenager who was part-alien and could freeze time by touching her index fingers together!

Up until this point, the only sitcom character that could freeze time was Bayside’s very own Zach Morris, who would say, “time out” while making a time-out sign with his hands, and then Mr. Belding, Screech, Slater, Kelly, et al would stop moving.

Zach was a gimmick.

Evie was legit.

Evie’s father, Troy, lived on another planet and she communicated with him through a glowing cube on her nightstand, which allowed them to speak.

Seriously.  This was the premise of the show.

But you know what?

It was amazing!

Not only that, I had a huge crush on Evie, and while my buddies were busy fawning over Pamela Anderson the ladies of Baywatch in their red swimsuits, I just felt like Evie, in her sweater and blue headband, was the kind of girl you could take home to mom.

The series ended with a cliffhanger that would make the ending of The Sopranos look boring.

Evie’s mother, Donna, went to planet Antares Prime to visit Troy, but Troy had gone to earth to visit Donna.

(dun dun dunnnnnn…..)

Alright, fine, so maybe it wasn’t the best show in the world.  But if we had more time and I could explain how Evie could “gleep,” maybe you’d have a new appreciation for the creativity.

Oh – and a free coffee to whoever can remember the actor that voiced “Troy” without looking this up on Google.  Don’t cheat!

Out Of This World

Great name for a television show, but as a saying, it’s not used as much anymore.

People nowadays are more likely to quickly utter, “That’s fucked” than to offer a classic like, “Wow, that’s out of this world!”

But we’re not exactly texting in a Shakespearian society, are we?

I wanted to detail a recent experience of mine that I can’t possibly describe any better than to say it was, out of this world.

What it was, to be completely honest, was out of this market.

It wasn’t in Toronto.

I do work throughout the GTA, but obviously most of my business is in the central core.  So far this year already, I’ve had listings in Mississauga, Brampton, Vaughan, and Scarborough, and believe me when I say that things work VERY differently in some areas versus others.

That’s what today’s post is about.

I won’t say where this story takes place, but let’s just say that when starting this process, I told my team: “Expect the unexpected.”

But even after saying that, I remained completely caught off guard by the experience.

Long-time clients of mine asked me help relocate their elderly parents nd we found them an exceptional condominium that was close to both their 50-something-year-old “children,” and which provided enough space that they wouldn’t feel a shock coming from a much larger home – one they’d been in since the 1970’s.

But what would they do with their home?

Well, another theme so far this year has been estate sales and POA sales, as my team and I have cleared out many listings; dealing with junk removal, donations, auctions, and packing/moving/storing.

This particular home was full.  I mean it was jammed.

It took several months to empty the house, and by the time we were finished, I suggested that we sell this house in “as is” condition.

For those of you who have never heard the term “as is condition,” it means essentially what you see is what you get.  More importantly, it means the home doesn’t come with any representations or warranties.  The seller guarantees nothing.

I’m a traditional, full-service agent, and 99.9% of my listings feature a pre-listing home inspection from Carson Dunlop, which is a marketing feature for the property.

But this particular home was in rough shape and it needed a complete “gut,” and with the sellers being in their 80’s and being risk averse, we decided to sell the home in “as is condition.”

Now, here’s where things go off the rails a little bit.

I noted the following in the “REMARKS FOR BROKERAGES” section of the MLS listing:

Property Being Sold In As-Is Condition With No Representations Or Warranties – Please See Schedule B

That’s pretty straight-forward, right?

No real way to mistake that?

I simply can’t convey to you what the seven days of this listing were like for me, as one of every two phone calls was about this particular property.

We had 85 showings on this house in seven days.

We had 22 offers.

But to get there was absolutely out of this world.

Phone call after phone call with agents who had no clue what the hell they were doing, and each call was crazier than the next.

But do you know what the recurring theme was?

None of them could understand what “as is condition” seemed to mean.

Here’s the first phone call I received:

Agent: “Can you tell me about the upgrades of the property?”

Me: “Upgrades?  This property is being sold in as-is condition with no representations or warranties.”

Agent: “Yes, I know.  So can you tell me about the upgrades?  Any features or improvements?”

Me: “Sorry, I mean, again, this property is being sold in as-is condition.  Wait….have you seen it?  Maybe you haven’t seen it?”

Agent: “No, I have.  I just showed it.  I’m with my clients now and we want to know about the upgrades.”

Me: “What upgrades?  You just walked through it, right?  So you’ve seen that this house is a complete gut?  What upgrades?”

Agent: “Well that’s what I’m asking.!  Upgrades!  Also, how old is the roof?  And do you know the condition of the furnace?”

Me: “Apologies if this sounds repetitive, but the property is being sold in as-is condition with no representations or warranties.  Did you see that on the listing?”

Agent: “Yes.”

Me: “And you want me to make a representation?”

Agent: “No, I just want to know, like, what shape the roof is in, how old the windows are, if there’s any structural damage, things like that.”

I remember that phone call vividly.

I was taking a break from a company-wide function, returning calls, and pacing the street outside.

A new agent came up to me and said, “You look like you wanna kill somebody, bro!”

And here I thought I had better control of my body language…

As if the note about the property being sold in as-is condition with no representations or warranties wasn’t enough, the MLS listing noted that the “Schedule B” was attached and available for viewing and download.

Here is the clause we used:

Buyer hereby acknowledges that the Seller is selling the property on an “as is, where is” basis, and that the Seller is is not providing any representations or warranties or any assurances concerning the condition of the property or the fixtures and chattels included in this Agreement.  Furthermore, Seller is not providing any warranties or representations or any assurances regarding the absence or existence of defects in the property, whether patent or latent. Buyer is proceeding with this transaction on an “as is, where is” basis and assumes the responsibility to do all inspections and investigations in order to satisfy themselves regarding any matter affecting the property, its fixtures and chattels, and agrees to accept the property as it exists on the date fixed for closing.

Pretty hard to misinterpret that, right?

And yet, the hits kept on coming.

Aside from not understanding what “as is condition” means, I’ve never had so many agents call me about pricing, and experienced so many of them get angry about it.

Many buyer agents will call the listing agent to “feel them out” on price, and that’s common in many geographic areas or price points.

But the better buyer agents don’t do this because they know that it makes them look weak and because they know that a listing agent will almost never give them insight.  Well, a good listing agent wouldn’t.

Here’s the second phone call I had that night as I paced up and down the sidewalk:

Me: “Hi, it’s David Fleming returning your call.”

Agent: “Yes, hello, I just showed the property and my clients are expressing some interest.”

Me: “That’s great, any questions, please let me know.”

Agent: “What’s the price of the house?”

Me: “It’s priced at $799,900.”

Agent: “No, I mean what’s the sale price of the house.”

Me: “I don’t know, it hasn’t sold yet.”

Agent: “No, I mean what’s the property going to sell for?”

Me: “I don’t know.  I can’t really predict that.”

Agent: “But if you had to predict it though.”

Me: “Well, I don’t have to predict it.”

Agent: “No, I know, I mean, but if you were to predict it, what would you say?”

Me; “I understand, but I’m not going to predict it…”

This went on for quite some time, and it was partially because the agent didn’t realize that I wasn’t going to provide insight into pricing, but partially because she had absolutely no idea what to ask and how to phrase her question.

I took multiple calls over the next twenty minutes from agents asking about the “sale price,” to the point where I realized that EVERY agent who called me would ask.

So I started to be more direct with agents, as per the next phone call:

Agent: “Can I ask you a few questions about your listing?”

Me: “Absolutely, I’m happy to chat.  But just know that I can’t provide any insights into price because ten agents have already asked me the same question, and because I have absolutely no idea what this is going to go for on offer night.”

Agent: “So what do you think the house is going to sell for?”

Me: “As I said, I can’t provide direction on pricing.  We’re listed at $799,900.”

Agent: “Yeah okay but you’re not doing your job if you’re not going to tell me about the sale price.”

Me: “The house hasn’t sold.  There is no sale price yet.”

Agent: “My clients need to know the sale price and you need to tell me.”

Me: “Respectfully, I don’t.  First of all, it would be irresponsible of me to make predictions about the potential l sale price, and I wouldn’t be working in the best interest of my client by doing so.  But more importanly, my job isn’t to do your comparative market analysis for you.”

Agent: “A what?”

Me: “A CMA.  A market analysis.  Have you looked at the comps?”

Agent: “Oh, right.  Can you send me the comps?”

Me: “No, I asked if you’ve looked at any comparable sales.  Have you done any research about values in the area?  Have you dug through MLS to see what similar properties are selling for?”

Agent: “No, my client asked me this morning to show her the house so I didn’t have time for any preparation…”

Seriously.

Who talks like that?

Who uses their inner voice aloud and actually allows the words, “I didn’t do any preparation” to come out of their mouth?

Honestly, the questions about pricing weren’t the worst part of it.

It was the complete and utter inability for agents to do the simplest things.

Here’s the gist of the next phone call…

Agent: “What year was the house built?”

Me: “I don’t have it in front of me, but you can view this on MPAC.”

Agent: “Can you email this to me?”

Me: “No, sorry, I just said – you can see this information on MPAC for any property in the city.”

Agent: “Okay, I’ll text you a reminder.  But also, is this gas heating?”

Me: “Do you have the listing in front of you?”

Agent: “Yes.”

Me: “See the section on the left where it says ‘heating: gas?”

Agent: “Yes.”

Me: “Perfect.  So a lot of what you’re asking can be found by looking at the listing.”

Agent: “Do you have an offer date?”

Me: “That’s on the listing.  In the bottom section, REMARKS FOR BROKERAGES, where every note about ‘offer dates’ is posted.”

Agent: “So there’s no offer date?”

Me: “Do you have the listing in front of you?”

Agent: “Yes.”

Me: “See where it says, ‘Offers Reviewed On….'”

Agent: “Yes.”

Me: “Then there’s a date.”

Agent: “Ah, right.  It says, ‘Tuesday, April 9th’ there.”

Me: “Yes.”

Agent: “Okay.  So, would you look at a pre-emptive offer?”

Me: “See after where it says ‘Tuesday, April 9th,’ there’s something else, can you read that?”

Agent: “No pre-emptive offers, please see seller direction form.”

Me: “Right.”

Agent: “So would your sellers consider a bully offer?”

You can’t make this shit up.

And while a few of you might think I’m a jerk or being unhelpful, I would like to think that most of you understand this is more reflective of an extremely large portion of the agent pool being inexperienced, inept, lazy, and unqualified.

I have many other stories just like the ones above, but I think telling another one or two might lose you.

So let me move on to offer night.

We had twenty-two registered offers on the scheduled offer night.

And while the MLS listing noted that the property was being sold in “as is condition,” and the Schedule B attached to the MLS listing contained the clause noted above about the property being sold in “as is condition,” I thought it prudent to make a third note about this in the instructions sent to the 70-something agents who showed the property.

On the morning of the scheduled offer day, I emailed the agents with information about the property and offer process, including the following note:

Please note that the property is being sold in “as-is, where-is” condition with no representations or warranties and that there is a clause in Schedule B (which must be attached to all offers) detailing the same.  Many agents have asked questions that imply representation; please note that there are no representations and that offers should reflect this.

That ought to do it, right?

I couldn’t possibly be any more clear than that.

So what do you think happened when offers started pouring in?

Did agents figure it out?

Out of twenty-two offers, how many do you think contained clauses dealing with representations?

One?

Three?

Five?

Ten?

Gosh, no, it couldn’t be, right?

What about eleven?  Half of twenty-two?

Nope

It was more.

But it wasn’t a baker’s dozen.

It wasn’t fifteen.

And it wasn’t an even twenty.

It was all of them.

Every single one of the twenty-two offers contained clauses that inferred the seller was making a representation, and this was absolutely crazy, considering that all twenty-two offers ALSO contained our Schedule B which said that the buyer acknowledged there were no representations or warranties.

In twenty years in this business, this might be the worst example of “professionalism” I have ever seen.

When I received the first offer, I called the agent and explained it to him.  He didn’t understand.

When I received the second offer, I called the agent and explained it to her.  She said, “Okay, give me a sign-back!”

After calling the third and fourth agents to submit offers, I learned there was a pattern here.

Nobody understood.

And in case you’re wondering, this wasn’t a language barrier.  It was just a different way of doing business in that these agents simply couldn’t give a shit.

“The Seller represents and warrants that the chattels and fixtures as included in this Agreement of Purchase and Sale will be in good working order and free from all liens and encumbrances on completion.”

Um, nope.

That’s a representation.  You can tell, because the word “represents” is in the clause.

“The Seller represents and warrants that during the time the Seller has owned the property, the use of the property and the buildings and structures thereon has not been for the growth or manufacture of any illegal substances.”

No, see, that’s a representation, and the property is being sold in as-is condition with no representations or warranties.

“The Seller warrants that all the mechanical, electrical, heating, ventilation, air conditioning systems, air compressors, elevators, conveyor systems, sprinkler systems, boilers, and all other equipment on the real property shall be in good working order on completion.”

Again, that’s a clause that you do NOT include when a property is being sold in “as is condition” and when your buyer has signed a Schedule B that says the buyer is accepting the house in as-is condition with no representations or warranties.

The crazy part is, I was receiving offers with clauses like this:

“The Seller represents and warrants that the swimming pool and equipment are now, and on the completion date shall be, in good working order.”

But the house didn’t have a dam swimming pool!

Clauses like this:

“The Seller represents and warrants that the existing basement apartment has received approval from relevant authorities to make said apartment legal under the Government rules and regulations, zoning by-laws and retrofit requirements as they relate both to the current permitted use.”

But the house didn’t have a damn basement apartment!

It was like these agents were going out of their way to screw things up.

Yes, many of them were using boiler-plate schedules with clauses that had nothing to do with the property.  But you would think that if you submitted an offer on a downtown Toronto condo, you’d probably remove any boiler-plate clauses about boat access or well water.

In the end, I worked with the agents who had the top offers to educate them and bring them down to earth.

We ended up selling this property unconditionally and with no representations and warranties, but damn if it didn’t take some work and some calm, relaxing music playing in the background as I made my calls.

Call this experience a “means to an end” if you want to, but I was demoralized by it.

And while I recognize that this blog post isn’t going to win any favours with the segment of society that already dislikes real estate agents, perhaps the learning here is that with challenge comes opportunity.

Having had the opportunity to work in an out of this world market that was out of the GTA, and see just how much better we represent our clients in the central core, I would do it again.