Here’s something you don’t see every day!

First of all, a house being sold via auction in Toronto is rare!

But you also don’t see a $4.9 Million house being sold in the same forum as diamonds, watches, and cars, all for, apparently, low-low prices.

Do you know why?  Because they don’t.  Because this won’t.

Rich people don’t get rich by selling assets for pennies on the dollar.  Remember that famous quip, “I didn’t get rich by writing a lot of cheques!”

Part of my daily ritual is going through a dozen emails from just about every business across the board, that I want nothing to do with.

SEO companies telling me they can do this, or that, for my business.

Real estate start-up companies that always think they’ve built a better mouse-trap, who are graciously allowing me the opportunity to get in on the ground floor.

Associated industries such as photographers, stagers, painters, cleaners, renovators, roofers, and just about everybody you could name, who start their personalized emails with “Dear Realtor.”

And then there’s the press releases.

I can’t tell you how many press releases I get on behalf of developers, mostly of condominiums, which I find ironic given I am the most ardent opponent of both condo developers and the idea of actually buying a pre-construction condo in Toronto.

I wish the “media specialists” took one look at my blog before clicking “send.”

In any event, sometimes I come across things that I do find interesting, not in the “I’d like to be apart of this” way, but rather the “I’d like to make fun of this” sort of manner.

Here’s a press release I received on Monday morning, which is so full of BS rhetoric that I wonder if even a six-year-old would believe any of it.

Have a look:

Luxury Mansion Auction Offers Buyers Rare Deal in a Booming Market

$4.9 Million Mississauga Road home could go for half its value

MEDIA PREVIEW TOMORROW – Tuesday Jan 26th, noon – 2pm

Toronto – January 25, 2016 – Record home prices are being seen across the Greater Toronto Area in a market that seems to be getting hotter by the year. Many people feel priced out of all segments of the market; even higher net worth investors. On Sunday January 31st, Ritchies is offering a unique 10,000 square foot estate in the prestigious Mississauga Road area after its owner was unable to meet monthly mortgage payments. Bidding is expected to start under $3 million.

“Opportunities like this are rare, but with unstable financial markets and other uncertainties such as falling oil prices, we could see more home owners seeking auctions to sell off assets,” said Kashif Khan, Managing Director of Ritchies.

The premium lot estate features five spacious bedrooms with ensuite washrooms, while the master bedroom has a separate area with a stunning fireplace. A gourmet kitchen features granite countertops and top of the line appliances. The sprawling space also includes a massive recreational room, second kitchen in the finished basement, a steam room and a sauna, and a backyard in-ground pool overlooking the Mississauga Golf and Country Club.

“The mansion is in a highly sought after area of Mississauga,” said Sam McDadi, realtor and owner of Sam McDadi Real Estate Inc., Brokerage. “It’s a dream home that is now available at what I’d consider a steal.”

The auction also includes $2 Million worth of diamonds including a 4 carat VS quality diamond, a number of rare watches including a $180,000 Audemars Piguet, and an extended wheel base Rolls Royce Phantom sedan, which retails at $700,000 new.

Media Preview:
Where: 1945 Mississauga Road, Mississauga
When: Tomorrow, Tuesday, January 26th noon – 2pm

Auction information:
Where: 1945 Mississauga Road, Mississauga
When: Sunday, January 31st, public viewing between 11am – 2pm
Auction at 2pm

About Ritchies:
Founded in 1868 as a small trading company, Ritchies Auctioneers went on to become Canada’s leading auctioneer of the fine Canadian art, fine international art, decorative art, jewelry, rare wine and other personal property since its launch as an auction house in 1967. In 2011, the Ritchies name was purchased and has been
re-invented by a new team as a world-class auctioneer of fine gems and jewelry, putting Toronto on the international stage. With offices in Toronto, New York, and Hong Kong, Ritchies offers over 20 auctions each year to a wide national and international market. Buyers include leading collectors, dealers, designers, curators, and discerning private individuals who have come to trust Ritchies’ expertise, experience and in-depth market knowledge.

Media Inquiries:
Irit Shtock, Account Manager, Liquid Communications
Ishtock@liquidcommunications.ca
O: 416-777-2899
M: 416-565-2519

There’s so much BS here, I don’t know where to start.

Perhaps a refresher of both our city’s current market conditions, and maybe a snapshot of the world in general?

Toronto, the GTA, and the Golden Horseshoe is a red-hot real estate market, and has been for a decade.

Planet earth is full of incredibly wealthy, successful, intelligent people, many of whom have so much money that they don’t even know what to invest in.

Put those two together, and I wonder why in the world a $4.9 Million house in Mississauga would ever sell for “half its value.”  How could an efficient market, in today’s information-accessible world, allow a substantial asset, in a hot market, sell for half its value?

The above is a press release, so I understand that this isn’t a “straight-talk, fact-sheet,” written by God.

But the quotes therein are laughable, as is the premise itself.

Real estate in Toronto, or Mississauga, is not, and will not any time soon, be available for “half its value.”

The starting price at this auction may be half the property’s value, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to sell for that.  To say, “$4.9 Million Mississauga Road home could go for half its value” is like me saying, “Scarlett Johansson could move in with me and my wife, and everything could work out the way I’m hoping,” which is to say that both situations are theoretically possible, but logically implausible.

“Many people feel priced out of all segments of the market; even higher net worth investors.”

Really?  “High net worth investors” feel priced out of “all” market segments?  So somebody with $20,000,000 cant buy a $300K condo, eh?  It seems to me that if somebody was truly “high net worth” then they wouldn’t be priced out.

“Opportunities like this are rare, but with unstable financial markets and other uncertainties such as falling oil prices, we could see more home owners seeking auctions to sell off assets.”

Really?  The stock market and the oil market are performing poorly, so home owners are going to hire auction houses to sell their watches and cars, along with their homes?

“A gourmet kitchen features granite countertops.”

Really?  I sell $280,000 condos with granite countertops.  What else ya got?

“It’s a dream home that is now available at what I’d consider a steal.”

Really?  What price is this house actually available at?  I mean, that house that sold on your street for $750,000 was listed at $599,900, and got eight offers.  Was it actually ever “available” for $599,900?  So is this Mississauga mansion actually available for a “steal” price?  Or is it just like every other piece of real estate in the GTA that’s artificially listed low, without a hope in hell of the seller ever letting it go for that price?

“The auction also includes $2 Million worth of diamonds including a 4 carat VS quality diamond, a number of rare watches including a $180,000 Audemars Piguet, and an extended wheel base Rolls Royce Phantom sedan, which retails at $700,000 new.”

Really?  The house is being sold with $2,000,000 in diamonds, and another ‘mill in watches and cars?

No, not really.

But it seems as though this press release was either poorly-written, or written in a way that many people (myself included, until I read this three times) thought that those items were included in the sale price.

That’s exactly the kind of gimmick I’d expect somebody to come up with in order to sell this property.

But does anybody find it odd that a house is being sold as “lot number 278,” right before a collection of Faberge eggs, and right after a Group of Seven painting?

in this red-hot real estate market, we know how real estate is sold.

So if somebody is electing not to use that forum, they’re either smarter than everybody else, or this is a gimmick.

And where does the $4,900,000 “value” come from anyways?

This house has been listed on MLS six times.

For a total of 684 days.

For as low as $4,200,000.

And remained unsold.

And oh, guess what else?

The auction has a reserve price.

So again, I ask, is this really a “steal” or a “rare opportunity” or could this house “sell for half its value?”

Or is this simply akin to your seventh password attempt out of ten before you get locked out of your Blackberry 8700 for good?