No, not me, but rather this a story that a colleague told me that I only wish I could claim I was a part of.

It’s one of those, “If you’ve been in the business long enough, you’ve earned the right to burn the occasional bridge” stories that you can see happening in your mind’s eye, but you just can’t imagine playing out in practice.

I wonder: would I actually have the guts to do what my colleague did?

“Negotiating” is an art form, no doubt.

And in my line of work, every single one of the 36,000 Realtors working this city thinks that he or she has the secret!  Whether it was something they read in a book, or learned from a mentor – everybody in this business believes that he or she is the best.

Every agent has his or her ‘strategy’ or preferred way of doing business, and for many agents representing a buyer, that means presenting an offer in person, and gaining access to the seller of the property.

As a seller, you don’t have to agree to allow the buyer agent to present in person.  It’s not their “right.”  But the buyer agent, and/or the buyer, might simply say, “I’m presenting in person, or I’m not presenting at all,” in which case you’d be best served to allow the visit.

In-person offer presentations are very common in multiple-offer situations where there is a set offer date, and agents line up in their cars outside the listing brokerage for their “turn” to present.  But in a case of “offers anytime,” the offers are usually emailed or faxed.  Once upon a time, when the business was friendlier, almost all offers were presented in person, but not as much any more.

Regardless, some agents still try to use the in-person presentation as a tactic, or a way to gain a competitive advantage.

That’s where my colleague’s story comes into play…

My colleague, who I’d like to remain completely anonymous, so I’ll say that he, or she, who may, or may not work for my company, went through this experience about two years ago, but only told me about it when I met for lunch with her last week.

Sidebar: have you ever noticed that the soup at Freshii isn’t really soup?  It’s a cup of raw vegetables, with hot broth poured over it.  Anyways…

My colleague had a listing, priced at $1,329,000, in a very popular area, north of the midtown area, that favors sellers, but doesn’t come with the “hold-back on offers” as we’re accustomed to seeing throughout the central core.

The property was immaculate, and staged, and it showed exceptionally well, and had a dozen showings booked through the first day of the listing (Thursday) and into the weekend.

The sellers clearly weren’t expecting multiple-offers, and neither was the agent.  That’s just not common place in this area, but they did have their heart set on the asking price, or thereabouts.

An offer was registered on the Monday after the long weekend, and the listing agent said that he wanted to present the offer in person.

The seller of the house was in her late 70’s, and although she was young at heart, she was leaving the home because she was getting older, and didn’t have the energy that she used to.  The thought of an 8:30pm, in-person presentation didn’t appeal to her, but the buyer’s agent said, “I am under specific instructions to present my offer ONLY if it’s in person,” so my colleague had no choice in the matter.

Part of me thinks that the buyer’s agent wanted to present at 8:30pm because he knew that the seller was old and probably tired by that point.  He had taken his buyer clients through the property on Sunday evening, when the seller was home, so he knew who he was dealing with.

The property had been on the market for four days by the time the buyer’s agent showed up on Monday evening to present his buyer-client’s offer, which isn’t an eternity by any stretch, no matter what location you’re looking in, anywhere in the world.

So what played out in the first, say, eight seconds of the offer presentation was mind-boggling to say the least.

The buyer’s agent, after exchanging pleasantries, and sitting down at the dining room table, produced one copy of an offer, that for all to see, in thick, bold, size-12 font, showed, $1,000,000 as the purchase price.

I mentioned that the property was listed at $1,329,000, right?

And I mentioned that the property had been on the market for four days too, okay?

So if any of you reading this, have any reaction other than “Oh My God,” then, you can only be described as a real estate bear.

$1,000,000 on $1,329,000 is absolutely, positively, insane.  After four days on the market, in a very popular family neighborhood, this offer had no place being typed up, let alone presented.

And just in case any of you have any other opinions on this offer, and are ready to say, “You know David, an offer is worth working with, no matter what it is,” or something like “Well, David, maybe the market is telling your colleague something,” let me tell you the end of the story first and say that they sold the house six days later for $1,315,000.

So back to the dining room table, where the 78-year-old lady was furrowing her brow at the offer, and where my colleague was ready to blow her lid – the buyer’s agent began to produce “comparable sales” which he had printed off MLS.

And as you could guess, these sales had nothing to do with the subject property, and it wasn’t like comparing apples to oranges; it was more like comparing bananas with rocks.

My colleague was shocked, so much, in fact, that for somebody with a pretty sharp-tongue, she actually didn’t know what say, froze up for a moment, and let this complete jerk of a buyer’s agent continue his masquerade.

And some of you reading this might say, “Good for him, he’s working for his buyer’s client,” but come on!  If somebody knocked on your door and offered you $10 for your wife, what would you say?  Wait, don’t answer that…

Eventually, the listing agent cut the buyer’s agent off, asked him to collect his papers, and wait outside while she discussed with her seller.

The buyer’s agent was reluctant, as he wanted to keep showing off “comparables,” but he finally went outside and waited in his car.

So what happened next?

Well, what happened next can only be described as the greatest thing I’ve ever heard of in this business.

I only wish I was the one that did it…

A true “professional” never loses his or her cool, and never burns a bridge.  But as my colleague told me, “I’ve been in this business long enough that I’ve earned the right to express myself in the wrong way, once or twice.”

My colleague was pissed.

Not just because the offer was for $1,000,000, on a $1,329,000 property, that eventually sold for $1,315,000.

Not just because the buyer’s agent insisted on an in-person presentation, when the seller was elderly and would rather be resting on the couch.

And not just because the buyer’s agent brought sales for $900,000 homes that were half as big as the subject property, and tried to convince my colleague and the seller that the $1M offer was a deal.

But she was pissed because she found the entire process to be a joke, and utterly unprofessional.  That offer had no basis being typed up, let alone presented, and my colleague was insulted, and embarrassed to have presented this “professional” to his seller and allow him into her home.

So my colleague decided to respond with a joke of her own, and in a manner which she, herself, admitted was unprofessional as well.

An eye for an eye, they say.

And my colleague and her seller signed the offer back…….for $5,000,000.

“A stupid offer deserves a stupid sign-back,” she said, “And this was the dumbest most useless and insulting offer I’ve ever seen in 27 years in the business.”

Man, that takes guts.

And it takes a seller who really doesn’t give a……well, you know what…

My colleague added, “I’m a jerk, but so is my client.  I was joking when I said we should sign it back at five million dollars, but my seller told me she thought it was a great idea, and suddenly I couldn’t talk her out of it!”

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

Some of you might applaud this move, and some of you might think it’s unprofessional.

But I don’t understand these agents who present offers with a 0.00% chance of being accepted, who then try to convince you of the offer’s merit.  You might say that they’re doing their job, and if they present 100 of these offers, maybe they’ll get one.  But I say, “Good luck with that, and if you see my name on the listing, don’t bother.”

In the summer, I had a condo listing for $399,000, which I eventually sold for $392,000 after two weeks, for which we had previously received a true “low-ball” offer of $320,000.  That’s right – 80% of the asking price.  We didn’t sign it back, and the buyer’s agent was actually upset.  He told me that I didn’t know how to do my job, when in fact, I was doing exactly what any agent (I hope…) would do in that scenario.

No part of me thought about signing it back for $5,000,000, but maybe I’m just a conservative guy.  Or maybe I haven’t been in the business long enough to consider intentionally burning a bridge.

Then again, should an agent really be worried about burning a bridge with an industry colleague with whom they’ll probably never do business?

Have a great weekend, everybody!  And don’t take any crap, from anyone! 🙂