Fortune smiles upon thee!

I have received this email from a very rich, very reclusive man in Hong Kong who wishes to make me $RICH$ beyond my wildest dreams if I just help him with this secret business transaction!

I just hope this kind gentleman doesn’t abscond with my money like the Nigerian man whom I never heard back from…

What did I do to deserve such good fortune?

It just goes to show you, that good things happen to good people

On Saturday, I was minding my own business when my Blackberry buzzed and I received an email that will most certainly change my life.

Here is the email I received:

Good Day To You My Friend.

It is understandable that you might be a little bit apprehensive because you do not know me but I have a lucrative business proposal of mutual interest to share with you. I got your reference in my search for someone who suits my proposed business relationship.

I am Mr. William Leung Wing Cheung a South Korean, happily married with children; i work as an Executive Director of Hang Seng Bank Ltd, Head of Personal Banking. I have a confidential business suggestion for you. I will need you to assist me in executing a business project from Hong Kong to your country. It involves the transfer of a large sum of money. Everything concerning this transaction shall be legally done without hitch. Please endeavour to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue.

Once the funds have been successfully transferred into your account, we shall share in the ratio to be agreed by both of us. I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below (jpwilliamcheung@yahoo.cn) and finally after that I shall furnish you with more information’s about this operation. Should you be interested, please forward the following to me urgently:

1. Full names
2. Occupation
3. Private phone number
4. Current contact address
5. Social insurance number

Please if you are not interested delete this email and do not hunt me because I am putting my career and the life of my family at stake with this venture. Although nothing ventured is nothing gained.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Mr William Leung Wing Cheung.JP
Hang Seng Bank Limited
Hong Kong. {Asia}
Email: – jpwilliamcheung@yahoo.cn

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Wow. 

Written like somebody with nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I’m not at all worried that while this South Korean man from Hong Kong got got my reference and is willing to trust me with millions of dollars, he ambiguously called me “My Friend” instead of “David.”

How could he think I would be at all “apprehensive” about a business solicitation from a complete stranger over a medium as safe and secure as the Internet?

No happily-married man with children has ever been known to be untrustworthy.

I’m glad that this transaction shall be done “legally” and without “hitch.”  I can’t stand secret business transactions if they have a “hitch.”  The only “hitch” I like stars Will Smith and is on my DVD shelf.  And I’m not at all curious why this “legal” transaction is so complex that he’s willing to pay me massive sums of money to help him with it.

So he’s going to be sending funds into my bank account?  Awesome!

How quickly can I give him my bank account number?

And he only wants me to divulge a little bit of personal info at the onset, such as my name, address, and SIN number…

His “private” email is through Yahoo.  That’s cool.  Yahoo is very private, safe, and classy.  Most billionaire CEO’s have Yahoo emails instead of using their Fortune 500 company resources.  Yahoo is almost as safe as Hotmail, from what I hear.

His request that I don’t “hunt him” is very reasonable and I don’t find it to be out of context.  I usually only hunt people for sport in the third week of October.  And he’s not overreacting, I mean, he emailed me completely out of the blue so it seems to reason that I would subsequently hunt him…

There’s nothing scary about his statement about putting his “family’s life on the line.”  I can’t imagine such an easy, “business” transaction without spilling the blood of a few innocent children.  I mean, most “legal” business transactions usually endanger the dependants of those involved. 

Thankfully, he added the caveat that “nothing ventured is nothing gained,” so clearly he is willing to let his family die so we can get rich.  What a guy!

I’m glad he told me that Hong Kong is in Asia.  I would have had no clue otherwise.  My map is all tattered.

Overall, I’m quite impressed with his use of big words and clear knowledge of the inner workings of a thesaurus.

I love his incredibly ambiguous yet intriguing ideas such as the: “lucrative business proposal of mutual interest.”

I’m also impressed with how he found me: “I got your reference in my search for someone who suits my proposed business relationship.”  What’s more direct and honest than that?

Alright, I think we can close the book on this one!

There’s nothing in this email that leads me to believe this man is anything other than a good-hearted, South Korean from Hong Kong who simply needs to use my bank account to facilitate the legal transfer of massive sums of money.

Where do I sign?