The TREB numbers came out on Wednesday, and there is much to be discussed.

But I felt that post deserved two days of attention, rather than the one day that Friday’s blogs get.  That, and it’s a long weekend, so many of you would otherwise miss the post.

Let’s get back to serious topics on Tuesday, and for now, enjoy some of my favourite MLS-amusements from the fall market thus far…

It’s the best of both worlds this week.

You get the MLS descriptions, with all their errors, exaggerations, misssspellings, and comical salesmanship, as well as a few key photos of properties currently up for sale.

Let’s start this one with a bang, shall we?

I have absolutely, positively, zero idea what the listing agent for this rental was thinking.

I mean, I know what he or she was thinking, but I can’t understand why this person put it in writing…

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Here’s how you know you hired a bum agent who works for a discounted rate:

Bravo.

Seriously.

No measurements, okay.  You probably forgot your tape that day.

But you couldn’t say anything about the property?

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You know how I always complain about agents who write in the MLS listing, “Prime Leslieville” when the house is at Gerrard and Carlaw?

Well what about agents who use words like “boutique” to describe large condos?

Boutique, eh?

160 Frederick Street – that’s boutique.  It’s only 12 units.

The Button Factory at 200 Clinton Street?  That’s boutique.  It’s only 13 units.

But a 305-unit building?  Calling that boutique would infer that the average condo in the downtown core has 3,000 units…

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How about this one?

The first line is really rubbing salt into the wound:

Why live in a condo?

Gee, I dunno.  Maybe because you can’t afford a house?

And since when is living “close to Danforth Ave” also living close to the Entertainment District?  Last I checked, that was at Richmond & Peter…

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Here’s an agent who is putting his or her laziness in writing:

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There’s a few things I like about this one, take a look:

“This unit is perfect for one person, or a couple.”

“Live here, or rent here.”

Wow, thanks for pointing out the option set.

Is this listing agent the most indecisive person ever?  Is this really what constitutes marketing?  Pointing out that you can buy this unit and live in it, or rent it?  I just ordered a salad, and it came with dressing on the side.  I didn’t know what the dressing was for, but then I called the listing agent for this condo, and he said, “Put the salad on the dressing, or leave it on the side.”

And what’s with the “very few were ever constructed” and “they are rare?”  In the context of what?  In the context of this building, there are hundreds.  In the context of the downtown core, there are thousands.

Who writes this?

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Another listing with several key points:

First of all, a true “panoramic” view would offer more than just south-east.  It would, in fact, offer north, east, south, and west.  That’s what panoramic means!  From the Greek word pan, meaning “all.”

The “iconic amenities,” oh boy.

Just like “boutique” was used above, what does “iconic” mean in the real estate context?

To be truly iconic, there would have to be something significantly unique and/or special, perhaps unparallelled, about the amenities.  Not just the standard gym, pool, party room, and rooftop with dirty barbecues.

And lastly, why brag about appliances from 2015?

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Here’s one for a property outside the GTA, where I suppose “less is more” with respect to staging, marketing, preparing the property for sale, and rolling out the red carpet for potential buyers:

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Have you seen the artist’s renderings for the new Leaside Manor condo in, well, Leaside?

This isn’t a joke, folks.

This is how units are being pre-sold:

Want a closer look?

Okay, fine, only because you asked…

Come on!

Is real estate so easy to sell in Toronto that THIS is what artist’s renderings are going to look like?

The guy in the second photo doesn’t even have a face!

I believe this is a photo of the parking:

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How about this listing?

It reminds me of something, I just can’t remember what.

I’m thinking….

I’m thinking….

…..I’m thinking….

…..ah, right:

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And last, but certainly not least, the single-greatest “photographer photo” I’ve ever seen.

You know I love photos with fingers and thumbs covering part of the lens.

And you know what I love even more, is a reflection of photographer in the bathroom mirror, microwave glass, or window pane.

But this one is epic.

This is literally as though the photographer was taking a photo of himself: