I had two great blog posts in the queue that I call “my mind” for Friday, but life happens, and now it’s 2am and I’m exhausted, and can’t write.

So please accept this already-written-and-waiting blog, with hilarious/sad/lazy/depressing/questionable MLS musings, as a tide-you-over gesture until Monday.

Ah yes, Monday!  Who wants to talk about the government “ending” bidding wars?  Can’t wait to have that discussion!

“FOMO” is a thing, right?

“Fear Of Missing Out” is a clinical condition that so many people in 2017 suffer from.

It’s why when you’re out for dinner with your friends, you spend all your time texting other friends, to see what else is going on.

But does fear sell?

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen an MLS listing that plays so hard on the emotions:

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There are a lot of ways in which I market my listings.

Features of the condo, features of the building, location, and as is becoming trendy – I’ll often include the walk score.

The walk score for so many properties downtown are in the 95% to 100% range, that I won’t include the walk score unless it’s 98% or higher.  Because 97%, in this market, just isn’t good enough!

Being able to say “Transit Score 100%, Walk Score 100%” in your listing is great value!

But what I would not recommend is advertising something like this:

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I usually have photos for my listings taken a week in advance so I get get my marketing together.

I have my administrator load the photos 2-3 days in advance, so I can see how the listing looks and “feels” in the eyes of the buyer.

What I can’t understand is how any agent, let alone an agent of a $1.2 Million house in a red-hot area with a hold-back on offers, can list a property for sale before they have photos!

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All I can say about the next one: your guess is as good as mine…

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I could say a lot about the next one, but it really doesn’t need much to be said.

Except that this is a Realtor’s own house…

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A condominium’s “Status Certificate” costs $100, for your information.

Here we have a listing agent who is clearly more concerned about his wallet than the ability to market the property effectively for his client:

That’s despicable.

The agent is offering up an outdated Status Certificate, that no lawyer would accept, that might not show an increase in maintenance fees, a special assessment, a lawsuit, or a host of other issues that can come up at any time, let alone in an eight-month period.

Who hires these people?

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Can you figure out what’s wrong with this listing?

Well, that’s not 750 Bay Street!

No big deal, right?

All condos are the same.  Just like people!

It’s like the one time I tried online dating back in 2009, and the girl who showed up, looking nothing like the person from the online profile, told me she used somebody else’s photo.

“Beauty is only skin-deep,” she told me.  True story.

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I know this is a typo, but if you’re an agent, you just have to do better:

I took that screen shot last night at midnight.

It was online ALL DAY, at $49,900.

Didn’t the agent check up on his or her listing?  Didn’t he or she need to print MLS listings to take the property, along with feature sheets, floor plans, the Status Certificate, a list of features and upgrades, et al?

No?

Didn’t think so…

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Maybe I’m nitpicking here, but I can’t believe how unimaginative some agents are when it comes to utilizing the 463 characters in the “CLIENT REMARKS” section of MLS.

You get one chance to make a first impression.

What’s the best thing you can say about a downtown condo?

Oh.

Right.

Downtown condo.

Downtown condo?

That’s it?

That’s what you’re leading with?

I suppose if you’re an agent from Brampton, like the listing below, you think a “building downtown” is something special, when the irony is, MOST buildings are downtown!

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Ever heard the term “motivated seller?”

In my experience, when you see “motivated seller” on an MLS listing, it means the complete opposite.

Here we see just how motivated a seller is, as the listing agent emails all the agents who have shown the property, to inform them of the “new” price:

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And last but not least, the two best MLS photos I’ve seen in a long, long time…

No joke, folks.

These photos are from MLS.

Both were in the listing.

A guy snorkeling in a tiny pool, and a woman relaxing in a hot tub – with her face digitally altered.

Here’s a question: why didn’t they just get out of the pool and the hot tub for the photos?

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Have a great weekend everybody!