Sometimes we start with the best, and sometimes we end with the best.

Today, it’s the former, because this is my absolute favourite, folks.  The best I’ve seen in a long, long time.

Have you ever said, “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse?”

You’re not actually going to eat a horse.  It’s a saying.  It’s an exaggeration.  It’s not literal.

So when I see something like this, I know it’s not literal:

We’re talking death now, are we?  Yikes!

Alright, alright, nobody’s friends are going to “die of jealousy!”

What are we trying to sell here?  Sheesh!

It’s not literal.

If it were meant to be literal, you’d have to literally use the word “literal.”

I mean…

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On another note, I literally don’t know how somebody can be this stupid:

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Okay, okay, enough jokes.

How about something serious, like maybe a look back at “Mortgage Comments” on MLS listings in the 1990’s?

Mortgage Comments Circa 1996: First Mortgage @ 11.29% Assumable, P&I Of $2,286.47, Maturing 12/01/1998.  Vendor Take Back Mortgage Available @ 13.79%.

Mortgage Comments Circa 2021:

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Some of the more popular lofts in the downtown core have exposed ductwork on the ceiling above, and others have exposed pipes, which can be cool, in the right spot.

I’m not sure if this follows the same theme:

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How about some outside-the-box thinking?

What do you do when a listing isn’t moving, perhaps because you’ve done nothing with the outdoor space?

Well, maybe re-purpose that space?

Perhaps a little virtual staging?

Voila!

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I love when listing agents include the artist’s renderings on the MLS listing instead of actual photos of the unit.  Especially renderings of the amenities.

I’m not exactly Aquaman, okay.  I was never into swimming as a child and I wouldn’t use a pool or hot tub in a condo.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to ask about the lounge/pool combo that’s shown here?

Seriously.  What the hell is that?

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I know what this is, however…

It’s just your standard staging cake.

Seriously.  It’s fake cake.

Staging cake.

Why?

I don’t know what could possibly be worse.

Maybe…..

…..staging sushi?

Yes, that’s fake sushi.

Along with fake lemons and limes, but that’s not all!  Look on the counter; there’s a fake cheesecake too!

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This agent went to the condo take photos, for some reason – took a photo of half of the kitchen counter, but didn’t think to move her iPad, camera pouch from the early-2000’s, sunglasses case, or the white styrofoam containers that contain her lunch…

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I’d like to think I’m good at marketing my listings, so maybe I’m not going out on a limb here when I say that drawing a giant red box around the FEATURE PHOTO on your listing probably isn’t the best first impression…

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Have you run out of room storage space in the bathroom?

If so, I have an idea.

Re-purpose some existing space in the bathroom by finding a seldom-used area.

For those of you who don’t believe in personal hygiene, perhaps this is a great way to re-purpose said space:

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All these years of asking, “Why do agents take photos of running kitchen faucets and put them on MLS?” and we are no closer to answering that question…

However, I’m now seeing this bizarre trend extend beyond the kitchen…

…and into the bathroom:

Like, why, exactly?

I’ve never understood this.

It’s like you’re showing off the fact that you can get water from a device that’s sole purpose is to deliver water.

Why not take a photo of ice cubes dropping from the fridge’s ice-maker?

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Read the following:

Define “Direct CN Tower View.”

In case you’re having trouble, perhaps a couple of questions:

1) Does “direct” mean absolutely zero obstructions of any kind?

2) What is the proximity to the CN Tower?

Answer those, and then tell me whether this qualifies…

That’s my red circle, by the way.  Because you would never have found the CN Tower without me.

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While we’re on the subject of “views,” how about this one:

Alright, so what does the view look like?

What photo do they have to accompany this claim that there’s “panoramic views of the city?”

This one:

Um, sorry, but which city is that?

It looks like a city of dorms on a college campus.

It looks like a city of Best Western motels.

Did they mean Toronto?  Because I’m confused…

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What do you make of the following MLS description?

What are they telling us here?

Well, when you look at the following photo array, I’m not sure if this is clever or ironic…

Did they deliberately not include photos and thus make their opening line in the MLS listing witty?

I honestly don’t know.  But we’re talking about it!

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You’ve heard this from me before, but once again, I ask you to define “luxury.”

This listing uses the word…

Is it accurate?

Well, that depends on your definition of the word “luxury,” of course!

I mean, what’s more luxurious than combining your kitchen and bedroom, right?

Actually, the way Toronto is going, we’re really only a decade away from this being the spitting image of “luxury.”

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Here are two surefire ways to know that the house you’re currently looking at on MLS is currently being used as a shady student rental:

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Is this the most heavily doctored and airbrushed MLS photo you’ve ever seen?

Maybe.

But just when you think you’ve got your mind made up…

…a new contestant enters…

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Okay, let’s play another game, this one called, “Why The Bleep Is This Photo On The MLS Listing?”

Here are our contestants.

Contestant #1: “Dark, awkward photo of bathroom”

Contestant #2: “Blurry, hazy, sun-blinding photo of half of the terrace, with listing agent’s shadow holding Canon Sureshot camera”

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Contestant #3: “Photo of 1/3 of a room, taken through an orange lens”

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Contestant #4: “Photo of……………the remote controls for the TV?”

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Contestant #5: “Extremely blurry photo of unmade bed in room with water-damaged ceiling”

Folks, if you can pick a winner among those five contestants, then you deserve an award!

If this was a TV show, maybe you’d get an Emmy.

Wait, I saw one of those recently in an MLS listing.  Where was that thing…

….ah, here:

Hey, if you got it, flaunt it!

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Alright folks, that’s it for “MLS Musings” for 2021.

Just a reminder in case this isn’t obvious, please feel free to email me anything you find funny/ridiculous/embarrassing/interesting when perusing MLS as many of the MLS Musings actually come from TRB readers.

Up next week: our year-end posts!

Top Five: Blogs Of 2021

Top Five: Real Estate Stories of 2021

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my buddies and I have some sheep to dress up with…