No matter how hard you try to ensure that everything goes smoothly, it never does.  It just can’t.  It’s impossible.

Moving day itself wasn’t that bad; it’s the lead-up that presented all the trouble…

I’ve been planning this move since July, and I actually began lining up contractors and buying furniture in July as well.

I’m not sure if you can tell from reading my 800 blog posts, but I’m a bit of a control freak, and I’m very obsessive-compulsive.  I like to ensure that everything goes smoothly, whether it’s moving condos or spreading peanut-butter on my toast.  Every square inch must be covered, or it’s not fit for consumption…

I firmly believed that by preparing for this move/renovation/etc back in July, there would be no issues in October.

I was wrong.

While Saturday represented the actual “move” itself, with the large truck, dozens of boxes, and three large Bulgarian men, it was Friday that will forever live in infamy.

Everything that could have gone wrong, did.

I concocted a plan to have all of my deliveries arrive on the same day, thinking that this was the easiest way for me to keep things straight.  All it did was add to the confusion.

I had scheduled Rogers Cable to come and hook up my television and Internet on Friday morning while delivery-men wheel in items around the cords.

G.H. Johnson’s Furniture Company was to deliver my dining room table and chairs and my sofa.

DOT Furniture was to deliver my patio furniture and my outdoor table and chairs.

F.G. Bradley’s was to deliver my ping-pong table.

And during all this, the tradesmen would be building my deck, installing my kitchen and bath tile, and painting my condo.

Do you think, in hindsight, I may have created my own mess?

I awoke on Friday morning to find the first of many snags that day.  This one came in the form of a dubious voicemail left on my phone.  It was the most incredible thing I’ve ever heard, so I’m going to transcribe it for you ver batim.

I can only assume that this guy was an outsourced cable installer from Barrie, hence the 705 area code:

“Morning…..good morning, Mr. Fleming.  This is, um, uh, Richard from Rogers….cable.  We had an appointment for a cable install this morning at 112 George Street but um, well, the notes here they just say, 112 George Street.  So there’s a George Street south and a George Street.  And the notes – they don’t say.  There’s a George Street south.  So that person, um, well we don’t know which one it is, since there could be two people.  It’s the south.  So, um, with that, we……well we’re going to cancel your appointment today.  Because of the south.  So, please call back and reschedule.  Thanks.  (muffled noise – perhaps dropping the phone).  Um, bye.  Oh – Rogers.  Thank you for using us at Rogers….Cable.”

Seriously.  Word-for-word.

Just try and envision a guy saying that very slowly and sounding exceptionally confused.

So at 8:30AM on “the big day,” some moron calls and cancels my cable installation because he can’t figure out the address.  What’s more, is he didn’t leave a number to call back!  I called Rogers and to make a long story short (since you’ve all done this at least 2-3 times), I spent 45 minutes on the phone with the manager of the manager of the first person who answered, and after my (empty) threat to switch to Bell, they sent a technician for 11:00AM.  They did, however, add that the technician would only call once and if I didn’t pick up, they would cancel the appointment.

Is this really how a billion-dollar corporation works?

My partner-in-crime that day was my darling mother, who at 63-years-old and with a bad back, insisted on helping me clean, move, carry, organize, dust, assemble, and everything in between.

For those of you wondering, “Is he really that big a momma’s boy?”  The answer is a resounding: yes.

My girlfriend and I designed the condo from scratch, and by that I mean she picked all the finishes, and I said, “Yes, I agree.”  She created a masterpiece.

Mom and I arrived at the condo at shortly after 9:30AM and not a single square inch of the hardwood floor was visible.  It was nothing but cardboard boxes, drywall, paint cans, tarps, and other garbage.

“Where the hell do we start?”

Out on the terrace were six men, with a total of 32 tattoos, 11 piercings, and four beards.  They put together the deck in about an hour, which was amazing considering they had seven days to come up with the hour itself.

This is the problem with renovations: the delays.

I’m not trying to act as if I was unaware of these potential delays, but I am disappointed considering I started to line people up in July!

I remember bringing in contractors in July and saying, “Can you commit to September 30th?  Right here, right now – can you tell me, unequivocally, ‘yes,’ that you can start on that day.”

They all say ‘yes.’  No matter what.

I assumed that with two months lead-time, I’d have everybody booked solid.

But contractors just run around the city starting jobs.  That’s what they love to do – start jobs.  They’ll leave one job to start two others, and all their clients just sit around and wait for them to return!

I had hoped to have a deck built, along with fifty-feet of planter boxes and lattice.  I guess I should consider myself lucky that the deck was finished on Friday.

My electrician went AWOL, so I had the carpenters install all the new light fixtures.  Time (and the fire department) will tell if they crossed the wires correctly.

And my tile guy never called back, so I once again took a recommendation from my carpenter, except that his tile guy didn’t start until two days after when he said he’d be finished.

The carpenters packed up and left at about 11:30AM, and I didn’t bother to ask, “Where are you going?  Why are you leaving?  What about the rest of the work?”  It was getting a bit busy inside my new condo and now that the Rogers guy was down on his hands and knees (he was wearing knee-pads over his jeans!), there were cords everywhere and maybe fewer bodies was a blessing.

The one good experience I did have that day came as no surprise: Barry.

Barry Miller is my painter, and I’ve written entire blogs about him before.  He is the best painter I’ve ever encountered, and not only was he finished EARLY, but he said to me, “You know Dave, I actually came in a bit under budget.  I know I said $2,800 but I think it’s more like $2,500.”

Who says that!?!?!

Show me another tradesman that finishes early and charges less than he said he would!

Do yourself a favour: hire Barry for your painting.  416-441-2228

Barry left the condo around 11:30AM, just as my mom and I had bagged up the last of the garbage.  All told, we took about twenty full garbage bags down to P1, since the garbage chute was “Out of Service” as it seems to be for about 18 hours of every day.

The “Open Door” policy was in full effect as I barely even noticed when two guys wheeled in the ping-pong table.  “Where do you want this?”  Asked Sean, a table-tennis enthusiast who was living his dream of putting together tables all day and night.  Sean and his side-kick, Richard, were out of sight and out of the way as they assembled the Kettler Champ 3.0 table out on the terrace in a half-hour.

But that was when the fun started.

DOT Furniture showed up as F.G. Bradley’s truck was already parked in the loading dock, and the concierge started to get on my case.  He wondered why I would book two deliveries at the same time!  I thought it was a good idea…

Sean had to go and move his truck so the guys from DOT could back into the loading dock, but it was now 12:01PM, and the concierge told me that my time was up.  Imagine!  I asked him what I should do, and sarcastically suggested that we could just unload the furniture on the street and hope that it doesn’t get stolen, but he told me to go and speak to the property manager.  I didnt’ really think that was necessary, since it was ONE MINUTE after the time I had booked, but I had no choice.

The property manager, who I’m sure is a great lady, looked like a public school principal as she sat on her phone and put up one finger as if to say “hold on.”  She asked me, “Is this it for deliveries for today?”  And I said, “Yes,” without a hesitation.

They extended me a grace period, which was better than the first suggestion of, “Why don’t they come back another day when you have the moving elevator booked?”

Although when F.G. Bradley’s pulled away, and DOT was still unloading, up rolled the truck from G.H. Johnson’s.

I made myself scarce at this point, hoping that the concierge and property manager wouldn’t call me out on my obvious lie, but the concierge found me and asked how I could mistake “one more” truck with “no more” trucks.

“Oh, well it’s the same company,” I said.  “I guess they needed two full trucks to accommodate everything that had to be delivered.”

I told the guys from DOT Furniture to just take off – don’t worry about removing the plastic wrap and cardboard – just get the truck out of the loading dock so I don’t get in any more trouble!

The guys from G.H. Johnson’s brought up my dining room table and chairs, and then said, “Alright, we’re done, sign here.”  I asked, “Um, what about the sofa?”  And the confused look on the young chap’s face said it all.

My sofa, that I had ordered in July, was “not ready” yet.

After forty minutes on the phone with the manager at G.H. Johnson’s, it was revealed that “somebody” screwed up, and the couch wouldn’t be delivered that day.  “The good news is – your couch is built.  It’s just not in Ontario yet,” the woman explained.

My mom and I took the cushions from the outdoor patio set and layed them against the wall in the living room so we could sit down.

The day didn’t end until 9:30PM, but overall, we accomplished a lot.

Saturday was the actual “moving day,” but by then, the hard work had been done. 

Jenna and I spent the last three days “feathering the nest,” whatever that means.  Part of being a man is being told what to do by a woman, and I enjoy every single minute of it. 🙂