Sometimes, your eyes can play tricks on you.

And often you need to take a second look, just to make sure you’ve got it right.  Kind of like this…

Well, that’s one way to dine!

In some cultures, a baby on the table is good luck.  Or maybe that was an old episode of The Simpsons, I can’t remember…

I saw a lot of properties this week; both houses and condos, both good and bad.

As always, it’s the bad that is more interesting, head-shaking, and often – as you’ll see toward the end, just downright creepy.

I notice that a lot of properties are being staged in a really “funky” way these days, but there is such a thing as going too far.

Staging is supposed to create a model home that appeals to all.

I don’t quite know what the stagers were thinking with the funky cutlery here:

This was a bit overboard as well.

It was also cheesy, lame, and quite transparent.

The seller probably thought that laying out a year-old copy of Toronto Life with the caption “House Wars” would be a subtle, subliminal way of getting the buyer to see more value in the home, but my clients and I just laughed at it.

This one gets an “A” for effort.

This older home had a really, really old boiler, previously hooked up to an oil-tank, now converted to gas.

Try telling the seller, “You should get a new, high-efficiency furnace,” and the seller will say, “This boiler was installed in 1907, and it still works.”

How can you possibly argue with that logic?  The average life expectancy for a new furnace is 25 years, but this one, having been patched up with concrete and gum for a century, will probably last forever…

Is “funest” a word?

Whether it is, or not, this is the funest light fixture I’ve ever seen!

A child with no eyeballs, holding a balloon?

A woman with giant red cheeks, no nose, and no ears?

A snowman with a top-hat and a cane?

TOTALLY NORMAL!

Speaking of totally normal, here’s something I think every condo should display when it’s up for sale.

This is a standard, normal staging item, that I’ve seen a thousand times.

Yep, just your standard painting of three naked ladies, riding bicycles.

“Is that hardwood floor or laminate?”  “Are these window coverings included?”

Yep, just keep pretending you don’t notice…

Oh – and ignore the binoculars as well.

Yes, the binoculars that happen to be by the window.

Yes, the window that happens to overlook the rooftop patio at the nightclub across the street…

Totally normal!

I mean, isn’t this how you sell real estate?

There’s no point to staging anymore!  Who would spend that kind of money?

Just hang a painting of naked ladies riding bicycles (but include some Francais, you know, to class it up a bit!!), don’t bother putting away your perv-binoculars, and lastly, don’t worry about tidying up your giant stack of porn.  Just leave it on the kitchen counter:

And last but not least, I’d like to thank Tim Horton’s for lowering their winning percentage in this year’s “Roll Up The Rim.”

I won exactly 10.34% of the time, which is well below their advertised rate of 16.67%.

This is the second year in a row that I have found Tim’s to be downright liars.

I think my sample size is large enough, and before you point out that I drank 59 coffees in the space of five weeks, let me also point out that…….that I have no shame…