My list of “Top Five Worst Clients” only really consists of two couples, since I’m lucky enough to rarely work with people that produce a bad experience.
But I currently have a client who not only made the top five (or two…), but jumped right to the top.
Tell me it can’t get any worse than the guy in this story…
My new buyer clients often ask me, “How long, on average, would you say that most of your clients look for a property before they buy?”
That’s a tough question to answer!
Some buyers end up purchasing the first property they ever see, and some take months and months on end.
What’s the record?
I’ve had probably a dozen clients purchase the first property I’ve shown them (or one of a couple, if we saw multiple properties on the first day we went out looking), and I’ve had a couple clients take more than 12 months. Although with the latter, usually there is some sort of event in those twelve months (such as getting married, inheriting money and changing the search criteria, etc.)
But if I absolutely had to put an average to it – I’d say the average buyer takes about six weeks to purchase.
I currently have client with whom I’ve been working for over two years.
He is, to put it quite bluntly, the worst client I’ve ever had.
It’s not just that he’s taking this long to make up his mind, but it’s everything else on top of that.
First of all, he’s arrogant as hell, and cocky almost to a fault.
He swears casually, and tells people what to do on the regular. He has no problem pulling his car up on the curb and stepping out to get a coffee while the rest of the world just stops and watches. You know this kind of guy? He thinks that it’s his world, and everybody else just lives in it.
He currently owns a small 1-bedroom condo which he feels is far beneath his means, but instead of simply buying up, he’s being more methodical in his search than any client I’ve ever had.
His current unit is very unique, to say the least, but he refuses to accept anything that isn’t equally as unique, if not more so.
He lives in an area of the downtown core that he loves, so he refuses to relocate. I’ve explained to him that he’s now narrowed his property pool to a few hundred units, but he doesn’t seem to care – even though he still expects to find something.
I once showed him a property in King West which he said was “absolutely perfect; maybe even beyond perfection!” He then said, “If this was in my area, I’d be sold.”
His refusal to relocate even a few blocks is frustrating as hell.
Imagine finding your “dream home” and passing it up because it might take you an extra 10-15 minutes to get to work every morning. This guy drives everywhere, but he doesn’t want to be further than his current 12-minute commute to work – even if it means finding his dream home.
He rubbed salt in the wound when he said, “And I’d pay the list price on this property too! I don’t even care!” That unit promptly sold for $25,000 under asking, and he could have likely got it for less.
About one year ago, I showed him a gorgeous penthouse unit for sale in his current building, and he scoffed at the price. He said, “Why would I buy for $499,000 when my current place is worth $375,000? If I’m going to make a move, I’m going to make a significant one!”
So I showed him another property priced at $879,000, and he said, “It’s great, it’s just too much.”
I soon realized that he’s narrowed down his location to a couple of blocks, his price point to within a few tens of thousands, and the unit has to be something so unique that there can only be a few of them in existence.
This theory of mine was proven correct when we were on the rooftop of his building and he pointed to two units across the street at the neighbouring building and said, “There – those. I want one of those.”
So he basically narrowed the city of Toronto down to two condos.
Of these two units, one was sold about 14 months ago by a colleague of mine, and she said her clients are happy there and don’t want to sell any time soon. I’ve sent a couple solicitation letters to the owners of the other unit, but they’ve never responded.
Last year, I showed him a unit that was literally across the street from his current building, and it too was “perfect,” except the large outdoor space that he defines as a “must” was located on the second level; and he wanted this to be located on the first.
He said, “What good is that huge terrace off the upstairs den? I want it to be off the kitchen/living so I actually use it!”
Forget the giant walk-in closet that he also demanded, and forget the gourmet kitchen. Forget the 14-foot ceilings, hard loft style with brick and timber beams, and forget the bedroom that could fit two king-sized beds. Forget the dozen other upsides, and just focus on the fact that the 400 square foot terrace is on the second level of the beautiful 2-storey condo, and not the first.
It’s goddam frustrating.
He says things like, “Well I’m in no hurry,” and “I don’t need to move.”
But then when we go 2-3 months without viewing an appropriate listing, he says, “What the hell is going on? Have we cancelled the search without my knowing about it?”
He is full of contradictions. He talks non-stop about how much he loves his current condo, but he can’t go one day without saying, “I freaking NEED to find a bigger place!”
He says that he’s constantly giving away clothing to Goodwill because he no longer has room for it, but then he loves to talk about how he only owns two pairs of jeans – both Diesel, one dressy and one casual.
Oh – and he buys his cuff-links on Ebay for like $10 per pair, all from China. But that’s a moot point…
Contradictions abound with his never-ending condo search, and he’ll ask to go see $1,100,000 condos even though he’ll always end up saying, “I’m really looking for something more like $750,000.”
Last week, he was on the 9th floor party deck at Vu Condos and he looked over the railing to see about 4-5 massive terraces facing St. James Park. He immediately became interested in these units due to the outdoor space and the fact that they were likely 1000+ square feet inside and would fall right into his target price point. But then when I was just about to send letters to the owners to try and solicit some interest, he turned around and said, “You know what? I don’t know how I feel about that building. I’m just not sure if it’s ‘me.'”
I rarely ever dump a client, but I’m just not sure what I can do for this guy.
It’s been two years, and he’s never come close to buying. I wouldn’t have such a problem with it if he didn’t constantly complain, but it never stops!
I rarely out people on my blog, but perhaps this might be therapeutic.
Who is this guy?
Who is this worst client ever?
It’s me.
I’m the worst client I’ve ever had.
Call it an occupational hazard, but after seeing 50-60 properties per week for seven years, I don’t think I’ll ever find one that’s acceptable.
I look at houses and condos all day, all week, all year, and it sets the bar so impossibly high that I’m beginning to think that my condo is one giant coffin where I’ll eventually lay to rest in the year 2068.
Perhaps I should just cut ties with myself as a client and refer myself to one of my colleagues. Maybe they’ll have better luck.
I thought about it, but I don’t want to saddle them with such a bad client.
They’re already fed up with me as it is…
Daniela
at 8:05 am
Okay, that I wasn’t expecting. David! You are waaaay too picky. And if I’m thinking of which condos are right across the way, and if I’m right, I used to look across from our balcony at that gorgeous terrace filled with lush greenery and I would have moved in if the terrace was off of the bathroom!
You’ll find it. You’d just better hope you’re not showing it to a client and they fall in love with it too…
Ian
at 8:56 am
Nice M. Night Shyamalan twist at the end there. Great read.
David
at 9:56 am
Congrats! Your Grid article about pre-construction condos is featured on the Must Reads section of TheStar.com right now!
mamacee
at 10:15 am
Just had to say this post was excellent!!!
David
at 10:15 am
P.S.
I live in VU and I would never buy there either. Two towers and numerous podium units and there’s only two BBQs on the rooftop deck that don’t light up next to a sink that’s disconnected?? Definitely suffering from growing pains still.
David Fleming
at 10:22 am
@ David
I wasn’t sold on Vu at first but I really like the building overall. The issue is that there are 200+ floor plans there and no continuity between units. I’d say about 70% of the floor plans are unliveable, but the ones that work – work great! I’ve put four clients in here in the last 12 months and they’re all quite happy.
I like the “basic” features – ten foot ceilings, upgraded kitchens. If I could get my hands on one of those 6th floor units with the large terraces facing the park, I think I’d make the move that’s been plaguing me for so long.
Kurt
at 10:19 am
hahaha nice work! I was totally fooled I must say. At first I was like “Why is he airing his dirty laundry?” I didn’t see the end coming. Kudos for having the confidence to take little pot shots at yourself. Cuff links anyone?
Joren
at 10:25 am
The first guy you’re talking about is a supreme asshole.
I’d dump him. Punch and delete.
Moonbeam!!
at 11:02 am
Ha ha ha! I was totally surprised by the revelation that it was you!! then again, your readers know you’ve been looking for the elusive larger condo with terrace in SLM… and have been weighing your options for some time now. So good luck, don’t give up, but for sure keep an open mind about the 4 p’s… possible, potential, promising properties!!
David
at 12:49 pm
@David F
Not all of those units with large terraces are prime though. The ones facing Adelaide a little more instead of Jarvis are better for noise and aren’t directly under the “firing range” of trash that the tower residents throw off their balconies.
My friend made the mistake of choosing a lower unit with a great terrace with balconies directly overhead and he had to deal with cigarette butts that would burn through the outdoor furniture protectors. One resident even threw a bag of dog poop down. Gotta love condo living 😛
LC
at 1:18 pm
You’re just not ready to leave. When it’s time, the perfect property will present itself.
B
at 3:27 pm
Couple of nice Hudson units with large terraces available… oh wait, you’re not a King West guy.
Claire
at 7:33 pm
LOL Thanks for the chuckle.
Camila
at 9:44 pm
Ha!
Chuck
at 1:22 am
I guessed it was you halfway through. No joke. 🙂
BillyO
at 7:16 am
The part about ‘your client’ driving everywhere even though he lives downtown had me thinking ‘this guy sounds a lot like David’…really entertaining post. If you do a ‘top 5 blog posts of 2011’ like you did for last year, this one is certainly in contention for a spot. Great read, as was your Grid piece this week.
dogbiskit
at 9:43 am
hey doofus, wooo hoooo that was a fun read!
lui
at 10:56 am
whew I though you were talking about me….
Toronto Resident
at 8:56 pm
By the time you find the place you want, you’ll need a house.
Kyle
at 9:42 am
6 Steps to the Perfect Solution:
1. Convince your grow op neighbour next door that she should sell and buy somewhere that offers her enterprise more privacy to operate.
2. Buy her unit from her privately. She should be happy to not pay commission and of course if she were to ever sell on the open market, her “business” would be discovered.
3. Sell her parking spot and locker to help fund Step 6
4. Move her to one of those East facing Hudson units where they stare at a brick wall.
5. Collect your commision from that transaction.
6. Knock down the wall between your unit and the new one and renovate the sticky icky out of it.
You will now have the most unique condo in all of downtown TO, you’ll have your large terrace and hers, and you’ll have the sq ft you need all in the building you love.
David Fleming
at 2:08 pm
@ Kyle
That’s probably the best idea anybody’s ever had.
And you know what? The grow-op girl moved out on May 31st…
cmdr
at 9:26 am
So this is you’re world and we’re all just living in it?
J.
at 1:44 am
Haha! Nice twist near the end.
Maggie K.
at 8:54 pm
Great post.