I got about half-way through Monday’s blog post before I realized that there were far, far too many candidates for “Most Ridiculous Condo Name” to stop at just ten.

So without further ado, here are ten more, and #1 on this list is my #1 of all-time…

Once again, I feel the need to preface this by saying I do NOT dislike buildings just because they have ridiculous, silly, or plain-stupid names.

I live in Vu, for God’s sake!  I’m not hating on your building if you live here (except for those of you at “Lookatmeyoujerk Condos”), but rather just pointing out some of the most ridiculous condo names in our fair Verona where we live….er, I mean Toronto.

Here we go!

#10 – “NEVIS”
88 Palace Pier Court

Nevis, eh?

I’ll admit – I had this name on the list before I even Googled the word to find out what Nevis actually is.

I hear “Nevis,” and it sounds like a made-up word, much like “Rezen” from yesterday, or “Mozo” as you’ll see below.  I hear “Nevis” and I think Nexus, Pelvis, etc.  I don’t actually hear any sort of word here, but in fact, Nevis is a small island in the Caribbean, west of Antigua, but only 93 square KM, and with a population of 12,000 as per the last census.

The island’s claim to fame?  Well, “Scary Spice,” Melanie-B, has a father who is of Nevisian descent.

Anyways, we could talk about Nevis all day!  But you should probably just call your travel agent…

#9 – “SOLARIS”
125 Village Green Square

Unlike Nevis, which only upon closer inspection, actually has meaning, “Solaris” has absolutely none.

Searching for “Solaris” on Wikipedia brings up results for a science fiction book from 1961, an Atari video-game, a comic-book super-villian from the DC series, a band from Hungary, an operating system from Oracle, a type of grape, and among others, an unincorporated township in Albermarle County, Virginia, with a population rivals only that of….well….Nevis.

Solaris has absolutely, positively, no identifiable meaning.

It’s a borderline word, like “Rezen” from yesterday.

So if we’re going to start making up words, then look OUT, condo world!

Here are the top three words I just made up right now by simply typing keys without thinking:
1) Rockshana
2) Crompholk
3) Versitious

And personally, I think Rockshana Lofts has a better ring to it than Solaris…

#8 – “MOZO”
333 Adelaide Street

I love this building, and I love this area, but I’ve always thought the name was kind of silly.

Believe it or not, “Mozo” was intended to be a short-form of “Modern Living Zone,” but nobody really remembers that.

And if they did remember that, would we be using “Modern Living Zone” on this list?  Perhaps even higher up?  Just what is a modern living zone anyways?  Isn’t that just a fancy way of saying “new house?”

Right, right, I forgot – condo names are all about flushing out a simple word or idea and making it complicated.  Just see #1 on the list for the most classic/unnecessary example.

#7 – “DOMAIN”
319 Merton Street

Are they going after the world “Domain” as in a synonym for home?

Or is this a play on the Internet version of “Domain” as it pertains to a web page?

If it’s the former, then it’s really just another version of “Home” as per yesterday’s post.  So are we going to name condos after words that mean “Home?”  What about Domicile, Abode, or Dwelling?

Maybe I just feel a sense of Internet-confusion when I hear the word “domain.”  It always seems to come up in error messages like, “Cannot find domain name,” or “DNS entry does not exist.”  Perhaps it’s just a mental hurdle I need to get over…

#6 – “FLY”
360 Front Street (under construction)

I guess the problem I have with “Fly” is that it’s like half of all new condo names: it’s simple, short, and meaningless.  There are so many 3-4 letter condo names, that I’m beginning to wonder if it isn’t by design.

When I was a kid, I noticed that most barbers were Italian and had 3-letter names.

Pat, Joe, Leo, Sal, and the like.  Some had 4-letter names too: Enzo, Nick, Tony, Paul, Geno.  Was this a giant coincidence?  Or did ALL male barbers: a) hail from Italy, b) have a 3-4 letter name?  Oh, I dare you to prove me wrong…

I sometimes feel like condo names are made short and simple because they’re easy to remember.  If we’re going with “Fly,” what about “Jump?”  Oh wait, that’s a banker bar.  What about “Hop?”  Yesterday we looked at “Zip” in Liberty Village, so maybe “Leap” isn’t far away.

“Fly” is just mind-numbingly simple to me, and their logo does not contain an airplane or a bug, so I don’t know what they’re getting at with Fly.

#5 – “PANACHE”
212 Eglinton Avenue

Panache is a word of French origin that carries the connotation of a flamboyant manner and reckless courage.

Its synonyms are flamboyance, flair, style, elan, confidence, elegance, and spirit.

Okay, okay, we get it; panache means you’re special, upscale, and quite possibly rich.

It’s no surprise that 212 Eglinton Avenue took on this name, considering the area.  Back when I was bartending at Shark City in 1998, “Yonge & Eglinton” was referred to as “Young & Eligible,” as the area was home to scores of affluent, single people in their late 20’s.

I haven’t heard the term “Young & Eligible” in some time, but perhaps “Panache” is trying to re-create some of that magic?

#4 – “LOVE”
185 Bonis Avenue

Okay, this one is just stupid.

Love, Health, Money – quite possibly the three most important things in the world, right?  Yeah, Yeah – we can debate, but let’s just say they’re important and coveted.

I just think that naming a condo after such an incredible facet of life is setting the bar high, and really overdoing things.  Why not call the next one “God?”

And if you open the door to Love, then what about Drugs, or Sex?

Sex Lofts has a nice ring to it, and Drug Den could take on a whole other meaning.

They didn’t even sneak the word “love” into the mix with something like “Loving Arms Condos,” but rather just LOVE, in your face, and hard to ignore.

I feel like I should go hug a Care-Bear…

#3 – “WORLD TRADE CENTRE”
10 Queen’s Quay & 10 Yonge Street

This is a touchy-one, so can we just agree that “World Trade Centre” is a somewhat unfortunate name?

It’s not their fault; the condo was named well before the events of 9/11.

But it doesn’t exactly warm the heart.  You wouldn’t eat at “Dahmer’s Diner.”

Oh geez – and there are two towers as well.  Um, okay, that’s all.  (Sorry if I offended anybody…)

#2 – “CELEBRITY PLACE”
77 Maitland Place

See, here is where I run the risk of angering residents.

I’m going to make a modest statement here and suggest that maybe, perhaps, possibly – this is not the best condominium in the city.  Is that okay?  Am I being too direct?

It’s a nice building, no doubt.  It’s a value-building, and it has some really nice features like any other condo.  But one quick look at the photo above shows that it’s obviously old, not very flashy, and, once again if I may be so bold – I don’t think any celebrities are going to be buying here any time soon.

To call this building “Celebrity Place” makes no sense, unless it was supposed to be ironic.

That would be like calling “Trump Tower” or “Ritz Carlton” something like, “Cheapo Apartments.”

See what I mean?  If it’s irony they’re after, then the name makes sense.  Otherwise, it’s kind of sad…

#1 – “CASA CONDOMINIO RESIDENZA”
33 Charles Street

Give me a break.

Who are they trying to fool here?

This is “Casa,” not “Casa Condominio Residenza.”

It’s not Italian, and it never will be.  Just because you make something sound fancy does not make it so.  Although, prices here are sky-high, so maybe, just maybe – it worked!

Could I charge more for my services if I went by Davido Flemingozena instead?

Maybe.  Perhaps that’s why “Pizza” is so expensive when you consider it’s really just “Bread, Cheese, & Sauce.”  The mark-up on pizza is higher than almost any other food in existence.

There’s a building on Roehampton near Yonge/Eglinton that is called “La Piazza,” and I always wondered why they came up with an Italian-sounding name.  An argument could be made that “London On The Esplanade” reeled in those buyers willing to pay $650/sqft because of the Union Jack theme, but where does this all end?

I suppose up next, is, Dumma onödiga dyra lägenhet.

Wouldn’t that be something…