If you’re feeling blue on this rainy Friday morning, then don’t read this post.

Alas, this is a sarcastic look at a really, really, really poorly-built house, listed for $999,900 somewhere in Toronto.

Not in any way, shape, or form, do I believe this is worth a million bucks, but clearly the flipper/renovator does!

It’s sad, but it’s also funny.  But it’s also sad…..because somebody WILL buy this house, eventually…

I could have put up a stock photo of a pile of money constituting one million dollars, but I figured Doctor Evil was slightly more fitting.

There’s something evil about this blog post.

It’s not meant to tease you, but how can you possibly look at photos like the ones below and not get frustrated with the price of real estate?

One of my favourite things to mock in this industry is a really poorly-renovated house.

There are so many people in Toronto that think, “I’m going to buy a house, fix it up, and sell it for more money!”  And when they do, it usually looks something like this…

And keep in mind – this doesn’t include any of the photos of the decor, which I can’t post because it would help identify the house, and that would be unfair…

So here we have a photo that clearly demonstrates that the renovator has no taste, and no style.  Either repair and restore the old wooden railings, or replace them with a sleek, modern, glass pane.  But not both, because then it would look like this:

This is awful.

This doesn’t say, “One million dollar house.”

This poorly-installed, plaster-covered, paint-dripping, ugly-ass backsplash says, “This is all you can afford.”

And this mess of plaster says, “We never thought you’d look behind the toilet, which is improperly installed.”

Classy!

Just drill through the tile, and then fill the hole with putty…

Seriously?

A new piece of wood for this threshold would have cost two dollars.

Or it could have been painted for a buck.

Instead, this is what a million-dollars gets you:

NO JUMPING!

Do NOT jump up in the air, presumably for joy, after buying this awful house, as their are jagged nails about one foot above your head…

Either pay a professional to stage, or leave the house empty.

Milk crates under beds make buyers laugh, and you don’t want buyers laughing at your home…

I swear – it just came off in my hand!

Then again, the nails are bent sideways, so this wasn’t ever really “installed,” was it?

Not the worst paint job I’ve ever seen, but it does show that a professional didn’t paint this.

Maybe the owner’s brother’s sister’s uncle’s friend had the day off…

Speaking of “not painting,” couldn’t they have touched up the railings before installing the glass?

This is what the glass looks like, all the way along.

And since there’s RAILINGS in front of it, you can never really clean it, can you?

Speaking of “installed,” I guess this is how the oven is supposed to look?

And I know this dishwasher isn’t installed properly.

Why do I know this?

BECAUSE IT CAME OUT IN MY HAND!

My cleaning lady charges $85 for my condo, and this house might cost you $150.

It’s a MILLION DOLLARS, but all the cupboards look like this – and the photo doesn’t show that all the shelves have measurements written on them in pencil:

And my favourite – if this doesn’t say “million dollar home,” then I don’t know what does:

Don’t get discouraged, folks.

This is all in good fun.

You have to kiss a few toads to find the prince, and this just happens to be the former.

Have a great weekend, everybody!