Celebrities buying each others’ houses should come as no surprise; after all, who else could afford such outrageous prices?

Chris Paul is buying Avril Lavigne’s house in California, and I have my own story about a couple of celebs here in Toronto…

I chose that photo, from all of the celebrity universe, because it represents the most vile, awful, miserable, disgusting three human beings on the planet.

I had never heard of “Kim Kardashian” until about a year ago, and I think my life was better at that time.

I’ve had the unique privilege of listening to bits and pieces of these awful shows while my girlfriend has the remote and I’m working in the other room on my laptop, and I can’t think of a worse existence than being one of these three women.  They’ve completely lost touch with reality (if they ever had it), they’re self-absorbed, self-entitled, and have this warped perception of how the world works.

I’ve never taken pleasure in the misery of another person, but I actually felt good when Kim Kardashian cried over her failed (supposedly real) marriage to whats-his-face that played left-bench for the Raptors a few years back.

I don’t believe in the concept of “celebrity” because it means that some people are better than the rest of us just because they’re better known.  But this is a self-defeating prophecy, because the masses watch crap like Big Brother and turn complete nobodys into b-list celebrities, which in today’s world, is worth millions.  Six bumbling morons with no redeeming qualities spent a summer being videotaped clubbing in New Jersey, and now they’re all multi-millionaires, and worshipped by equally inane morons who watch their shows.

Sorry.  That rant has nothing to do with this blog post.

Here is the article I wanted to talk about today:

“Chris Paul Set To Buy Avril Lavigne’s $8.5 Million Mansion”

By: Eric Freeman
Ball Don’t Lie
January 23rd, 2012

It’s no big secret that athletes and musicians travel in the same circles and lead fairly similar lives. They also make similar salaries, at least at the highest levels, and can therefore afford similar luxuries. For instance, when one sells a home worth around $8.5 million, another will probably pop up to buy it. Whether the seller is the musician or the buyer is the athlete, or vice-versa, depends on the situation.

So it should not come as much surprise that Los Angeles Clippers point guard Chris Paul is in line to purchase punk-pop songstress Avril Lavigne’s very expensive mansion. Nevertheless, it’s mildly notable and a good opportunity for stupid jokes. Here are the important details from the gossip merchants at TMZ.com (via EOB):

“Sources tell us … Paul fell in love with the 12,184 square foot place, which Avril originally listed for $9.5 mil and decided he had to make a move.

The mansion — located in a hoity-toity private community called Bel Air Crest — includes 8 bedrooms and 10.5 bathrooms, a wine cellar, 10-car garage, gym, sauna and a covered outdoor living room.”

You can check out one photo of the home above and see the rest in this TMZ gallery.  After the jump, enjoy a bunch of silly puns and Avril-based humor.

According to this report, the real estate deal was not so complicated — no one acted like they were somebody else to get the other side frustrated. They obviously promised each other they would never fake it.

In all seriousness, though, this is a notable moment for the Clippers, if only because Paul seems to be signalling he will not be saying “see you later, boy” to them in two years as previously feared. Can I make it any more obvious?

Best of luck to Paul, who will most likely start wearing strategically torn clothes from Hot Topic and dyeing small patches of his hair pink any day now.

So Avril slashed the initial asking price of this house by a cool million, eh?

I was under the impression that California real estate isn’t really moving that well.

In any event, it’s a drop in the bucket for Chris Paul, who is currently labouring through a four-year, $68,000,000 contract.

Before Avril Lavigne lived in the property, the house was owned by Travis Barker, who was the drummer for one of my favorite teenage-angst bands of the 1990’s – Blink 182.  He lived there with Shanna Moakler who’s name rang a bell, and after probing IMDB.com, I can say that I vaguely remember her from a terrible show about bike-cops that patrolled Malibu beaches in 1999.

So the house is going from celebrity, to celebrity, to celebrity.  I would imagine this happens a lot in Los Angeles; as I mentioned above, the town is filled with celebrities, and these are the people best equipped to dole out $10 Million for a home.  Sure, there are some rich business-people in L.A., but I’m sure there are more celebs!

However, celebrity-to-celebrity real estate transactions aren’t unique to Los Angeles.  We’ve had a few right here in Toronto!

I remember browsing the new listings one afternoon back in 2006 and seeing the name “Vincent Carter” as one of the sellers.  “Air Canada,” as he was briefly known, owned a 6,000 square foot condo down at 211 Queen’s Quay with a brutal 1980’s kitchen.  He had an entire room just for his shoes.

Vincent Lamar Carter bought the condo for $2,750,000 in 2001, and sold it for $2,800,000 in 2006.  Condo prices in downtown Toronto increased more than 50% during that time-frame, but the 2000 NBA Slam Dunk champion made a mere 1.8% on his ‘investment.’  Such a shame.

When Vince Carter sold the condo in 2006, who do you think bought it?

Was it a jolly ‘ole Torontonian, or perhaps, yet another celebrity?

Sports fans will remember A.J. Burnett for the brief cup of coffee he had here in Toronto before opting out of his contract to make more money in New York, and in fact it was A.J. Burnett that bought the modest 6,000 square foot unit from Vince Carter.

From one celebrity, to another.

And for the record – A.J. Burnett sold the condo for $2,800,000 two years later, meaning he made a fat 0% on his investment.

I guess when you’re super-rich, the tax-free capital gains that we common folk consider a gift from God seems utterly meaningless.