Seriously, this will be fun!
Unless you don’t like me. Then it’s just more fuel for the fire.
Snide, cynical, condescending – all fair.
Hypocritical – not quite, but nice try.
Yes, there’s a fine line between “marketing” and “exaggerating,” and my critics will undoubtedly comb through the MLS archives looking for instances where I’ve overplayed my real estate hand. But I don’t do anything like what I’m about to show you below…
This first one is my favourite, no doubt about it.
The word “rare” is used all the time on MLS.
But define “rare.”
Like, being the only unit available for sale?
So how many units are currently available on MLS?
That’s a screen-shot, just so you know I’m not making this up.
So maybe this is “rare” like, aside from the 34 currently for sale, there haven’t previously been any opportunities?
That’s a screen-shot of the unavailable listings.
Suffice it to say, there’s nothing “rare” about this offering.
There’s absolutely no way to substantiate this:
Except to say that none of my clients have ever described this building as a “loft,” let alone “luxury.”
We could look at the “rarely offered” bit at the start of this, but we’ve been there, done that.
Instead, how about “best layout in the building?”
That’s a BIG claim!
So for those of you who are experts in floor plans, would you think this is the “best” layout in any building?
To each, their own, I’m sure.
But a 2-bedroom condo that has two bathrooms and neither are an ensuite is something I rarely see.
There’s also a brutal HVAC or pillar in the middle of the window in the smaller bedroom.
There’s also a long hallway, which I don’t like.
And the kitchen appliance-wall functions as both the living and dining room, which is tight.
And this is a micro-condo with two beds, and two baths jammed in.
But I suppose if the MLS listing is any indication, EVERY other unit in the building has a worse layout?
This one is just downright ballsy.
The word “unobstructed” is used a lot in real estate listings, and much of the time, there are obstructions!
But where in the WORLD would you be standing in order to get an “unobstructed” west view of the city and the lake? Seriously, think about that…
Now I’m no oceanographer, but I’m pretty sure this is not the lake…
“Unobstructed.” That’s what they said.
There are literally two-hundred buildings OBSTRUCTING any chance in hell of seeing the lake from the 14th floor of this condo…
Another fun one here with respect to views:
I’m no meteorologist, but that looks less like “clear and bright,” and more like “dark and stormy.”
I would also add that the “city view” only exists if you stand on the corner of the balcony, like the person who took this photo. Facing straight-ahead, it’s more like a train-track view…
I mean, define “generous,” right?
Like on Halloween when we were kids, there was that one house where they gave out FULL size chocolate bars.
That was generous…
This one? Not really “generous,” in my opinion…
I’m sure all of you have seen “spa-like” before in reference to bathrooms:
Just how over-used is this term?
What is spa-like anyways?
Is it this?
Or is that just simply every condo bathroom you’ve ever seen before, except this one has a cabinetry that’s water-stained, a sink that won’t drain (flat basin), and a gently-used hand towel?
I haven’t been to a spa in a long time…
Here’s a new idea: spa-like.
Wait, I’m getting deja-vu…
Well, at least this one has a tree on the shower-curtain. Spas have trees, right?
The word “inspired” can be linked to just about any other word, and combined to be a complete load of BS.
I see this a lot in the marketing of food products, ie. those “Artisan Inspired” potato chips that are really just chips.
I saw a listing the other day that read “Frank Lloyd Wright inspired design.” The house had very little, if any, elements of a Frank Lloyd Wright design, from what I could tell. I felt as though these keywords were added for searchability, and if you asked the owner, he or she would know this is just another average house.
So what then do you make of this remark below:
Before I lambaste this description, I think it’s fair to note that they didn’t say which hotel they’re referring to.
It could be this one, for all we know…
Last, but not least, I want to end on a positive note with this one:
I have never heard the term “right-sizers” before. Have you?
Did the agent make this up?
This might be an exaggeration of sorts, since I don’t know what’s “right” about this particular place, but I love the idea. I love the ingenuity. And whether you’ve heard this term, or not, a thousand times, it’s the first time I’ve heard it. And with the lack of originality on MLS, this certainly got my attention.
Have a great weekend, everybody!