Well, gawrsh, guys!
I’m the smitten kitten here, overwhelmed by all the genuine concern for my well-being as per the comments in Wednesday’s blog post.
Alas, I am indeed alive and well. Safe here in…………….1955.
Wait, that’s a Back to the Future reference.
Safe here in Thornbury, Ontario.
While this was intended to be a vacation, if I’m being honest, I really just moved my office up north for a week. I had an offer day on Monday for a downtown condo, which produced six offers. Tell me that says “I’m on vacation.”
On another note, what kind of woman marries a real estate agent and puts up with his shit? Seriously. But I digress…
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the comments on Wednesday’s blog.
“Maybe he’s in Idaho,” said one reader.
“Don’t joke, he never misses a blog post,” says another.
This cottage apparently has high-speed wifi, but man-oh-man, do I have a different definition of “high speed.” Like, compared to 1996? When you and your buddies crowded around a computer screen in anticipation as you waited for a nudie-pic to download, only to have the screen freeze right when it was getting somewhere good…
I spent half of the day on Tuesday just trying to send emails. Receiving, okay. Sending? Not so much. That felt like 2002.
The thought of having to upload a 1.25 Gigabyte file to Google Drive for this week’s Pick5 was a non-starter.
Anyways, a week goes by quickly, and I promised my children (one who understands, one who doesn’t) that I’ll try to be more present next time.
In any event, I received a couple of emails from readers about thematic “MLS Musing” posts and so I thought I’d continue that where possible for the foreseeable future, although I have a lot of ridiculous captions, typos, and non-themed photos saved up, so we’ll come back to that in a bit.
Today, I wanted to share some movie theatres in Toronto houses that are for sale, or were for sale a short time ago.
As with anything you’ll see on MLS, some of these are showstoppers, some are lackluster, and some are just plain laughable…
Up first: a “home theatre” that would be suitable for, like, a decade ago?
The projector screen is okay, but any cinephile will tell you that pot lights directly overtop is not a good idea.
And the No Money Miracle leather-ruffled couches?
Doesn’t really scream “luxury home” to me…
This looks less like a movie theatre and more like a swanky lounge that I would have frequented circa 2005 when we stopped going to “clubs” and looked for a place where you could swipe left, swipe left, swipe left, swipe right, then witty one-liners, then meeting for sex?
Okay, back on topic.
This movie theatre/lounge…
Ummm, I guess?
It has a screen, albeit one that’s not rolled down, because that would have been too much trouble, let alone staging the damn place.
The carpet definitely feels like a Cineplex Odeon, circa 2004…
Of course, that’s not the worst presentation of a home theatre in an MLS-listed “luxury home.”
This one isn’t much better, and don’t worry – I’m just warming you up, I promise!
Like the ones above, this really just seems to be a room with a projector.
But at least they painted this entire room purple, including the ceiling…
….for some odd reason…
This is a movie theatre, I’ll give it that.
But it looks like one from the 1950’s…
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere!
This feels like a theatre!
Oh hell yes to this one too!
The coffered ceilings! This is somebody’s basement? Yaaaas guy!
There’s even a popcorn machine!
The screen is a bit small for my liking. Just being honest!
This one makes me wonder, “Who’s decided to curl up in that fluffy blanket and watch from the floor?”
This is really cool.
But it looks lonely.
Maybe it’s for social distancing?
Is it just me, or does it feel like the couch is really far away from the screen?
Also, why are there two workout benches?
Maybe the usher or projectionist wants to work in a quick pump session during the opening credits?
Okay, now we’re getting into some really big theatre!
This one easily suits a dozen of your friends.
Imagine having this in your house? Seriously?
Those lights under the chairs remind me of the original Fast & Furious.
Perhaps that’s what’s screening in this place?
You gotta give these guys an “A” for decorating.
Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, and…….two suits of armour?
I love this one.
Cozy as hell!
I want the one in the front, on the right, so I can hold my drink with my right hand and periodically place it back on the table…
Speaking of cozy, if you run out of seating, I suppose you could nuzzle up in the shag carpet?
I like this one a lot.
Clean, classy, compact.
Oh – and popcorn!
Love the stadium seating here, but tears come to my eyes when I realize this in somebody’s basement. Who has 14-foot ceilings in their basement?
I recognize this one, so I might have included it in the “MLS Musings: Artwork Edition,” but I love the artwork here so I’m showing it off again:
Last, but certainly not least, this is a home theatre! Like, seriously – it’s actually a theatre!
It has true stadium seating, the projector looks like something from SilverCity, the neon lights remind me of Canada Square, and it gets my A+++ award, no doubt:
Man, when are we going to get to the movie theatre again?
Enjoy the weekend, everybody!