More MLS Musings!

MLS Musings!

5 minute read

December 14, 2018

This is slowly becoming a tradition; emptying my entire “Musings” folder into one epic blog post at year’s end.

That’s not to say that these are by any means “leftovers,” but rather I often try to come up with a “theme” in my MLS Musings, and sometimes, those really great pics waiting in the queue just continue to wait, and then wait some more.

If you’re a long-time reader, you know the things that really irk me.

Blurry photos, photos with people in them or reflections of the photographers, photos of inanimate objects like the microwave or a plant, bad staging, sideways photos, etc.

Then there’s all the craziness that doesn’t irk me, but puts a smile on my face.  Agents that are too lazy to visit the property, so they screenshot a Google Maps image of the house, or how about the insane things that agents will write in the MLS description?

I hate it all.  And I love it all at the same time.

So today, let me regale you with everything that I have left, and see if I can fit these into some themed sections…

First, let’s start with the MLS write-ups, shall we?

Call me a stickler for the details, but this is a classic example of inventing a phrase for your own benefit:

What is an “open concept, one-bedroom” anyways?

Is that anything like……………..geez……………..I dunno………………a bachelor condo?

Maybe!

Let’s take a look at the photo from this “Open Concept One Bedroom”

Well, I’m no real estate expert, but that is a bachelor condo.

Maybe this is all part of that trend toward not “labelling” people anymore.  Like callling the homeless, “housing-challenged.”

Here’s another gem, although this one is a bit more honest:

True.

This unit does have an “unobstructed city view.”

For now…

But you could literally put a timer to this “unobstructed view.”

It looks to me like……..maybe………..another six months…

Tell me if you immediately understand this reference:

If you do, great.  We can hang out.

If not, then you’re too old, or too young.

And no, I’m not going to tell you.

But in a related story, we had a class called “Vocal Music” in 1991 when I was in Grade-6, and Mr. Isman told me we would sing the lyrics to any song that I transcribed.  So I wrote out all the lyrics to Sir Mix Alot’s “Baby Got Back,” and the poor teacher had no choice…

What a-hole wrote this, honestly?

I understand “marketing.”  Yes.

But aren’t you driving away 99% of the buyer pool to catch 1%?

And this listing wasn’t anything special, nor was it screaming “cool, single guy.”

They would have caught far more flies with honey, in my opinion…

If this is actually permissible, then why do we even have listing agents?

Screw single people, right?

Before you suggest that this is a relgious thing, I can assure you there was nothing religious-sounding about the agent’s name.  Just sayin’.

Maybe it’s just an agent whos’ being honest?

This is just really, really overselling…

This was at 1 Bloor, by the way.  I get that 1 Bloor is “expenisve,” but that doesn’t make it luxurious, elegant, world-class, etc.

I’m so tired of people equating over-priced, expensive things as automatically being worth it.

Jesus!

How high is this condo?

No seriously, it’s not on the 188th floor of a Mimico or Oakville waterfront condo.

It’s on Homewood, near the Keg Mansion…

Is this meant to be facetious?

Spectacular view of the QEW?  Is this a language barrier, sarcasm, or somebody that really believes looking at a highway is a selling feature?

Why not come up with some choice others?

“Fantastic sound of garbage chute at all hours of the day.”

“Wonderful smell of sewage plant.”

“Splendid taste of lead in kitchen tap water.”

How about some epic staging fails?

Let’s start with……hmmmm….

….ah, this one!

I’m a minimalist by nature, but that’s a little too bare for my liking.

One of the most difficult parts of an agent’s job is to show prospective buyers what various rooms are for.

Like, the kitchen!  What do you do in there?  Gymnastics?  How in the world is somebody supposed to know that you cook in there?

Same goes for, say, a closet.

That’s why it’s so important to stage a closet with three hanging shirts…

Awesome outdoor space!

That turquoise rug really ties the space together!

Except…………how do you get in the garage, which is advertised as the parking space on the listing?

How about some design, layout, and feature fails?

I understand the “beer fridge” in the man-cave.

And I have a mini-fridge in my office.

But this just looks a wee bit out of place…

By the same token, I think this “renovated kitchen” as described in the listing might have benefitted from an architect, designer, and child with a ruler and calculator:

I guess nobody ever uses the staircase to the basement?

For this next one, let me say that I’m biased.  I’m a huge fan of outdoor spaces.

I’m also a salesman, so let me put a positive spin on this….

….”Things like sunlight, air, space, and not feeling like you’re in an outdoor prison cell are overrated!”

Wine cellars are awesome!

It’s a great way for people who know nothing about wine to pretend that they, in fact, do.

It’s also the perfect place to store rainwater in your new $4,000,000 house…

This might be the saddest 2-person dinner table I have ever seen:

Now how about some people in our lives?

This one isn’t that bad, is it?

Either the owner locking up, while the Realtor takes a photo.

Or a Realtor-Realtor team showing that two heads are better than one.

Except, for the fact that this is the feature photo in a listing that has eight photos:

This one looks really suspicious.  If the agent was taking a photo, and this really is his listing, then why didn’t he wait until the owner and her friend left the front door?

This one looks as though it’s by design:

But is there something I’m missing here?

Is this like showing the water flowing out of the kitchen faucet, like, “This is Todd, and Todd is opening the balcony door to let air flow into the condo.”

Is it part of the marketing?  Well-dressed dude-bro lurking out over Liberty Village Parking lot, in front of large wall-art that his designer bought for him?

Beautiful house here, but can you see the owner inside?

I’m fairly certain this is a mannequin, and not a real person.

But either way, just……..whyyy?

And last but not least, are we really putting people out front of the house……….in artist’s renderings now?

Go ahead, be the person that says, “Buyers will look past it.  Buyers aren’t looking at my stuff, or the colour of the walls.”

Tell me I’m wrong to clean, paint, and stage every one of my listings.

Then tell me you think this is the best way to showcase a condo:

How about a couple of photo arrays?

This is the very definition of “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

It’s the same photo, three times.

We get it.  The sun sets in the east…

As for the next one, at least they got 3 of 8 right.

I’m pretty sure in today’s public school system, that’s a passing grade!

And last, but certainly not least, I don’t know what it was about this photo, it just really made me laugh.

I could call this a “staging fail,” or a classic “design flaw.”

This could be like the fridge in the living room, or the fridge blocking the stairs.

It could be like a giant statue in the front foyer.

Whatever it is, I just can’t help but wonder why the agent didn’t think to mention this to the seller.

I also laugh picturing myself working out while my family eats dinner, so I can’t be accused of “not spending family time” with them.

Seriously, I can picture it.

I’m on the stairmaster, my wife and kids are having dinner, and I’m panting while talking to them.

“Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh…..Billy………eat your peas…..heh, heh, heh, heh, heh………don’t talk back to your mother………”

I would try my hardest not to flick sweat in their mashed potatoes, but I’m a big sweater when I workout.  If I’m not dripping, I’m not working hard enough.

I can see something like the above in my future.

Thanks to everybody who submitted a photo or listing caption for MLS Musings over the past year, and I encourage you to do the same in 2019.

Coming up next week, it’s my annual tradition: Top-5 Blog Posts of 2018, followed by Top-Five Real Estate Stories of 2019.

Have a great weekend!

Written By David Fleming

David Fleming is the author of Toronto Realty Blog, founded in 2007. He combined his passion for writing and real estate to create a space for honest information and two-way communication in a complex and dynamic market. David is a licensed Broker and the Broker of Record for Bosley – Toronto Realty Group

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9 Comments

  1. Francesca

    at 7:18 am

    David, your post today made me laugh so hard! So many bad listings out there. It makes me wonder how buyers hire these realtors and don’t complain when they see their listing online! Great job finding so many of them. Looking forward to reading your annual end of year summary posts. Keep up the excellent work in 2019!

  2. IanC

    at 7:31 am

    Hmmm, you can actually see the mist of Niagara falls from the ground in Toronto on a clear day !

  3. GinaTO

    at 8:51 pm

    Loooove the musings David, and the stories from the trenches! The table alone in the corner reminds me of the “garden chairs of solitude” on this amazing website: http://terriblerealestateagentphotos.com/

  4. Chris

    at 3:30 pm

    @appraiser

    https://torontorealtyblog.com/blog/1996-to-2017-the-streak-is-over/#comment-96714

    “There’s one thing that’s clear, any broker, adviser or analyst that pitched Fortress syndicated mortgages as a safe and secure investment is either an idiot or completely void of any morality and human dignity – take your pick” – John Pasalis, Dec. 14, 2018

    By the way, I thought you said nobody quotes Ben Rabidoux anymore? And yet Pasalis just quoted him earlier today. Whoops.

    1. Jimbo

      at 7:51 pm

      One fewer work day in sept 2018 vs last year. On a per-day basis, Toronto home sales were up 6.5%. If BoC wants to use TO as barometer for the country, expect to see them reference “stabilizing home sales” in rate decision later this month. Just don’t look west at Van/Calgary.
      The above is a good Ben quote.
      The only thing Ben was right about is the syndicate mortgage fiasco. He had solid understanding of real estate in 2009/2010 but he was missing a piece of the puzzle which caused him to misread what the future held…..
      A lot of people missed the boat when they followed his advice, it was not bad advice, just wrong.

      1. Chris

        at 8:46 pm

        Jimbo, my post wasn’t an endorsement of Ben Rabidoux; notice that nowhere do I say he is correct, or able to predict the future, etc. I was simply pointing out that appraiser’s assertion from two days ago that “nobody quotes [Rabidoux] anymore” has quickly been proven wrong. John Pasalis, who appraiser also commonly references, quoted Rabidoux earlier today.

        Though really, the main purpose of my post was to highlight that one of appraiser’s apparent heroes, and frequently quoted source, has been labelled an “idiot or completely void of any morality and human dignity”.

        https://torontorealtyblog.com/blog/predictions-for-the-fall-market-4/#comment-53767

        1. Jimbo

          at 9:38 pm

          Seen.

    2. Appraiser

      at 9:08 pm

      Another shining example of a navel-gazing, myopic and irrelevant comment. Bravo!

      1. Chris

        at 9:43 pm

        In other words, you yet again lack any semblance of a legitimate rebuttal. As if we all didn’t already know that to be true.

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