Wednesday’s blog on “The Worst Listing I’ve Ever Seen” was essentially a glorified MLS Musing that deserved its own dedicated post.
Imagine that?
Something so bad that it’s effectively good. It’s so bad that it deserves a medal. It warrants individual praise!
The following are just run-of-the-mill by comparison, but still made me laugh.
I want to start with my favourite listing this week, which I can’t take credit for since a reader sent it to me.
This is the MLS caption:
We know that “Must See” is over-used, and that “Quality Finishes” could mean just about anything.
But tell me if this is what you had in mind:
Probably not.
But that’s not even why I love this listing.
The “quality finishes” nonsense is just the appetizer for the main course of man.
Yes, that’s right. Man.
There’s a man in the kitchen working on the fridge as the “photographer” snaps pictures. Have a look:
But unlike so many MLS Musings we’ve seen before where a person is captured in one photo, this gentleman is captured in ALL of the photos!
Here’s the “upgraded” kitchen, complete with office-style dropped ceiling, and the same man-in-the-yellow-shirt, who is not to be confused with Curious George’s father, the man-in-the-yellow-hat:
And just for good measure:
Yes, these photos actually appeared on MLS.
What is that last photo even showing, anyways?
They’re showing the laundry, I guess? As though 99.96% of downtown Toronto condos don’t have laundry?
Except this laundry machine comes with a guy-in-a-yellow-shirt who drinks Lactancia milk while punching away on his………..Blackberry Bold?
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Who left their child unsupervised at home while the real estate agent took photos to put on MLS?
Who left their cat unsupervised at home while the real estate agent took photos to put on MLS?
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I don’t mind this caption.
There’s nothing quite like using humour to sell real estate…
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This, however, I do mind:
Agents shouldn’t be allowed to guess at the square footage. And to actually admit as much is pathetic.
I know that “Guesstimate” was officially adopted as a noun several years ago by The Oxford Dictionary, but at least these folks could have spelled it correctly.
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The very FIRST photo on the listing is what the public sees when the listing goes to Realtor.ca, Zolo, Zoocasa, et al.
This listing agent did use fifteen of the twenty allotted spaces for photos, but I don’t agree with his or her choice in “feature photo”…
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Then again, if you have only one photo for your listing, what would you choose?
How about………..
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If there isn’t a full case of beer waiting for each buyer during their viewing, then this is false advertising…
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Could there possibly have been a worse angle from which to photograph this house?
It looks like the house is absolutely dwarfed by this castle next door:
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All stagers are the same, you say?
“Mattress” and “Boxspring” are the same, you say?
Buyers won’t care, you say?
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Little difference between “front foyer” and “dining room,” you say?
I commend the stager and listing agent for trying. Except that, well, I don’t, really.
This is a foyer. This is where you put shoes.
Bon Apetit!
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“Sorry folks, do you mind if I take a quick photo of the movie theatre for my upcoming condo listing?”
“Blur out your face? I can’t do that, sorry. But I can take a blurry photo, which will have essentially the same result…”
At least the person snapping this photo of the pool at a Bay Street condo waited until the guy went underwater to click the shutter…
As we’ll see a few photos from now, with agents constantly stealing other agents’ photos from MLS, the three blurry millennials watching a movie and the speedo-wearing gent taking an after-work swim will both be immortalized on MLS forever!
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Another day, another MLS photos with not one, but two reflections of the photographer in the mirror:
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And last, but certainly not least, it seems that either condo buyers are changing their search criteria, or condo developers are merely under the assumption that buyers’ tastes are being refined.
Look no further than the artist rendering of the “Jam Space” in the common area of this new building called “East United:”
I would also add that the listing agent for this unit, who didn’t have any photos of the unit itself, stole the photo from condonow as you can tell from the watermark in the bottom left-hand corner, but have ye no shame, for all that lays on MLS is for all to pilage.
Have a great weekend!
Ed
at 9:05 am
I thought ‘Jam space’ was a kitchen where you made preserves.
Matt Bingham
at 9:43 am
This is a great post, came across through your flyer – which as far as agent flyers go is the only one we actually look at (we have an agent though).
I’m assuming the messy condo ones are renters? What right does an owner have when selling a property when the renter refuses to clean the apartment?
Libertarian
at 10:03 am
In case David is too busy to reply, his advice to landlords is to pay the tenant to leave and then stage the condo, which includes repairs, paint, and whatever else is needed to make the unit look its best.
hoob
at 10:26 am
It’s a cat. Even you couldn’t tell it what do to or where to not go. Despite not being on the Title, it surely owns the place and has not agreed to sell it.
m m
at 10:29 am
That pool shot looks like a key scene from a whodunit show.
condodweller
at 1:29 pm
My favourite is the Collingwood one. I like humor, especially when it’s funny.
That house “dwarfed” by the castle looks like it is actually a dwarf house. So many negatives just from one picture: Aside from the fact it is dwarfed by the neigbour it is on a tiny plot with a sliver of a pizza front yard with a hydrant in the middle, it looks like it’s right next to a highway and a public sidewalk right next to the house, there’s a tall building behind it, and if you are drunk and walk out your front door you could fall off a cliff. Oh, yeah, it looks like it’s one of those tiny houses.
Embellishing comments from agents I don’t even notice anymore. People/pets in pictures while I agree don’t belong there they won’t exactly deter me from booking a visit.
My biggest issue with MLS listings is if they don’t have any photos of the unit. When I look at the listing my main goal is to get an accurate visual representation of the place. Do I care if there is an unidentifiable man in the pool, or a person cleaning the fridge in the kitchen, cat in back yard, millennials in movie theater? I like to see the appliances so that I can tell if they are the cheap builder installed ones or nice upgraded units. I like to see the movie theater as a movie fan to see the screen with a proper sound system though with uncomfortable seating and out of focus faces really won’t deter me from booking an appointment.
I really don’t get why people find things like the box spring/mattress funny. I mean how many people are going to look at that and say, gee, their stager didn’t add a headboard, I’m not buying this place.
Daniel
at 4:23 pm
Re: mattress/box spring
If you were watching a movie and there was a scene where somebody gets shot, but you could tell they used ketchup instead of blood, and the dead person was still moving and blinking, would you take that movie seriously?
This is just about doing the job right.
condodweller
at 12:30 pm
From the stager’s perspective sure it wasn’t a great job; from a buyer’s perspective though I don’t have a problem with it. As long as the bed is the size I want to use it’s the mattress that helps give perspective on how much room it takes up. The lack of headboard doesn’t take away from my ability to judge the room. Your example would take away from the intended experience of the movie. Bad analogy.
Marina
at 1:37 pm
No David, he spelled “guestimate” correctly.
It was Estimated by him, and he was a Guest in the condo.
😛
I would bet money that the agent in question is a young d0uchebro, who wanted to be an agent because it’s like so easy.
Joel
at 4:12 pm
The fridge repairman and the milk out might be my favourite listing ever. I don’t understand who couldn’t wait half an hour to take pictures to see an asset worth several hundred thousand dollars.
People are crazy for allowing this from their realtors, but obviously it works..
peggy
at 9:06 pm
This is in regard to the photo with the 2 boxsprings. Open houses can be very tiring. Has anyone actually laid down on one of those fake/cardboard beds during an open house? Can you imagine?
condodweller
at 12:33 pm
I would never lie down on someone else’s bed during a viewing. Can you imagine a stranger having a nap on your bed during a showing?
peggy
at 10:09 am
Condodweller,
You are right–that would be gross. I was thinking more about a very large, tired person crashing through to the floor by laying down on one of those cardboard beds!