Can’t stop.

Won’t stop.

(do-doo-doooo-doooo)

It’s not the song that’s leading me to post this blog, but the fact that I can’t go a day (or an hour, really) without seeing something ridiculous on MLS!

And I think these are just from the past week.  We could get quite the collection going if we keep at this…

Okay, here is a real winner!

I love when people put the word “could” in a listing, because more often than not, they’re suggesting you COULD do something, that either, a) you can’t, b) you can, but won’t want to, c) you can, theoretically, but never actually will in practice.

But I love this one:

“Parking Could Be 2 Cars If You Pull Down The Garage”

Yeah, Yeah.  And “Parking Could Be 14 Cars If You Pull Down The House.”

“Parking Could Be Jammed If You Park In The Street.”

But let’s move on…

….to something even worse.

Worse than the word “Could” is the word “Easily.”  Because what somebody says is “easy” on MLS, never actually is.

Check this one out:

Right.

3rd Bedroom “Easily” Converts To 4-Piece Ensuite.

I mean, define “easy.”

In this case it would be something like:

“Remove all flooring, trim, doorjam, drywall, and fixtures.  Open floors and walls, and re-route plumbing.  Install plumbing for bath-tub and shower, install sheet-rock in shower, plaster, then tile.  Install tile floor.  Install plumbing for sink, then install vanity.  Install all electric light fixtures, towel racks, and build linen-closet.”

Yes.  That sounds really “easy” to me.

“Aunt Easily Converts To Uncle…”

Okay, now I’m being childish…

Moving along…

We all saw this one last week, and I don’t think the listing agent was trying to be funny when he wrote this:

And if you’re a lawyer, you know how stupid and useless most indemnification clauses are.

You can’t just say, “Buyers and Buyer Agent To Confirm Accuracy Of Information,” and expect this to have any follow-through, whatsoever.

What “information?”  Geez, even though this wouldn’t have a shot at holding up in court in a lawsuit, at least try to flush this out a little bit:

I never like when people tell me what to do in an MLS listing.

Things like, “Sit on your porch and watch the world go by.”

I want to know about the house itself – things like, “New Roof 2013, Gas Furnace 2012, 3/4 Inch Piping,” etc.

Instead, we have somebody telling us:
a) the temperature
b) not to forget groceries in the car
c) to keep in touch with pals

Ah, my good friend Steven Fudge!

He’s one of a kind, this guy.

Many agents try to copy his style, but nobody comes close.  Nobody can pull this off like Steven, and when they try, they look silly.

If you can use the word “Omgolly” in an MLS listing successfully, you are a rock star:

And last but not least, talk about over-selling.

It’s one thing to tell me to bring in my groceries and call my friends, but it’s another to tell me HOW I FEEL!

“…….you’ll immediately have a sense of comfort and well being.”

What is this – a goddam fortune cookie?

Well-being?  Really?  What does that even mean?

And what if I happen to be upset that day?  I mean, what if I write a controversial blog and there’s like 103 comments, some of them angry?  Then what?  What if I don’t find COMFORT AND WELL BEING?!!?!

If any of you come across something ridiculous, funny, pathetic, ignorant, unprofessional, outlandish, or typos that give the listing a different meaning – please send them to me for the next edition of MLS MUSINGS!

Have a great day, folks!