Photos Of The Week!

Photos Of The Week

2 minute read

May 16, 2012

I haven’t done this feature in a while, and I have a LOT of ridiculous photos saved up.

JESUS!  I’ve got one photo that’ll scare the robes off you…

First and foremost, let’s talk about a-holes.

Let’s talk about d-bags.

Let’s talk about the kind of guy that:
a) drives a stupid car like this
b) takes up two spaces
c) both of the above

To drive a car like this, you have to be a completely self-absorbed, cliche-Jersey-shore-type guy who likely has really long, thin sideburns, and listens to music with deep-bass – the kind of bass that is uncomfortable to listen to, but makes people turn their heads and look…

FYI – when a d-bag like this takes up TWO parking spaces simply because he’s a d-bag, you’re legally permittted under Canadian Criminal Code v 2.9, section 14.1b, paragraph 4z to spit directly onto his windshield and put your gum on his driver’s-side mirror…

Somebody thought this looked…..good?

Unless Pete Sampras, Roger Federer, and Venus Williams are living in this house, I don’t quite understand the logic behind using tennis balls in place of some felt-stickers to keep the floors from scratching.  Not only that – some scratches on that floor might actually give you an excuse to replace them!  They’re awful!

This is how you know, with absolute certainty, that the owners of the house are in their 80’s or 90’s.

It reminds me Frank Costanza in Seinfeld, describing why he and his wife share two single beds: “Thirty years ago, Estelle and I came to an agreement.  It was the only way I could get some sleep.  Estelle’s got the jimmy-arms.”

This is, by far, the biggest deadbolt I’ve seen inside a condominium.

I’ve been in condos in some pretty ghetto areas, and I’ve still never seen anything like this!

I think the resident of this condo is a weee-bit neurotic…

Picture a small, 6 x 4 foot balcony, and a gigantic sattelite dish that you’d expect to see on the side of a house.

Now, look at the condo balcony in the photo below.  Was it exactly what you pictured?

The photo below demonstrates staging for psychos.

This sad little desk sat at the end of a thirty-foot-long room, and was eerily reminiscent of a scene from Criminal Minds where they flash back to the serial killer’s childhood, and we see him sitting at a desk in the corner of the room, quietly drawing, by himself.

Last but not least, we have a shrine to…..some undistingishable, long-haired man.

Well, we all know I’m not the most religious man in the world, but even if I was, I don’t think I’d want fifty different photos of this man – and believe me, this photo does the situation no justice!  There were fifty photos!

Weirdness aside, I can’t imagine the conversation that the listing agent had with the seller.  Can you imagine being called in for a listing appointment and seeing THIS?  I just spent the weekend going through three different client’ properties and telling them, “You have nine shirts in your closet.  I told you that you could only have seven, and they all have to be an inch apart; these are 3/4 of an inch…”

If you don’t think that the presentation of the property matters, then I’m the wrong agent for you…

Written By David Fleming

David Fleming is the author of Toronto Realty Blog, founded in 2007. He combined his passion for writing and real estate to create a space for honest information and two-way communication in a complex and dynamic market. David is a licensed Broker and the Broker of Record for Bosley – Toronto Realty Group

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  1. Moonbeam!

    at 8:28 am

    Dave — it’s very common for teachers to put tennis balls on students’ chairs to muffle the noise… but in a kitchen, no way.
    As for the yellow car… let’s not pick on The Situation!

  2. Jeremy

    at 10:49 am

    Laughed when I saw the mustang picture and your comments, as I can relate.

    In my old building, I used to park across two isolated spots as well, exactly like in the picture. In my defence, I paid for my spot, and nobody was paying for the spot next to mine (I know because I walked around both levels of the underground parking lot with the official list/map showing all the parking spots and selected my spot for that very reason. Also, there were always 50+ empty spots for “visitors” to park in, so I wasn’t depriving anyone of a spot. I go out of my way to not park next to anybody, especially beat up Minivans, and will always park at the far end of a parking lot and walk. Hey, a little extra walking never hurt anyone. After 3 years of parking in that building I didn’t have a scratch on my car. Now I’ve moved into a townhouse with underground parking next to a dreaded minivan, which I park as far away from as possible, didn’t matter. I come down one day and find a scratch on my car with matching paint on the bumper of the minivan.

    And yes I drive a mustang. Black, convertible.

    1. David Fleming

      at 8:44 pm

      @ Jeremy

      I can relate too. I’m not a ‘car guy’ but I do drive a Lexus, and last week when I was in the Home Depot parking lot buying $4 worth of screws, I came out to find my entire bumper and side of my car had been smashed by a white car. $1,500 worth of damage, and somebody simply drove away.

      The issue I had with the Mustang was that those were public spaces in an underground lot at my gym where spaces are always full. I also picture the guy driving that car as a less-than-steller human being. Not saying ALL Mustang drivers are like that – but his was something out of Fast & Furious, and there are a ton of meat-heads at my gym. Yeah, I made assumptions.

      As for your story – I don’t fault you in the slightest!!

  3. Jonathan

    at 4:38 pm

    Jesus….that’s nuts. My grandmother has a very small cross over her bed and even that is too much for me. But that photo makes me thing maybe it’s normal.

  4. David

    at 5:59 pm

    There’s nothing wrong with parking in two spaces if you own both spaces. I’ve seen it at VU.

    1. David Fleming

      at 8:41 pm

      @ David

      Okay now I need to specify – this photo is from the parking lot at my gym. Nobody owns those spaces – those are visitor spaces.

      That guy is a jerk, no doubt.

      1. Darren

        at 9:11 am

        Carry some lipstick from the dollar store and if he does it again leave him a message on his window.

  5. JERRY!

    at 10:56 am

    “She’s got the jimmy-arms.”

    “What? You can get it in the ARMS too?”

  6. JC

    at 11:11 am

    Some people. If I was looking at purchasing a house and saw a deadbolt like that, all kinds of sirens and red flags would be going off. “Am I standing in a meth lab?”

    Let me guess, the NICE looking/somewhat decorative deadbolts were an extra dollar or two, so they decided to ruin what looks to be a nice door and trim on the frame – just to save a few bucks.

    So whoever decides to fix the mess they’ve created will have to spend several hundred dollars to replace the door and fix the trim (assuming they can find a match)

Pick5 is a weekly series comparing and analyzing five residential properties based on price, style, location, and neighbourhood.

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