My bathtub measures 6 x 3 and is 18 square feet.

My laundry room measures 8 x 4 and is 32 square feet.

The smallest condo available for purchase at the glorious new D.N.A. Lofts Phase Three is 270 square feet.

Yes.  270 square feet…

Homeless people can make due living in a cardboard box, so what the heck to we have to complain about?

Picture your average refrigerator, and now picture the tough, durable, stable, and most importantly – weather-proof cardboard box that it comes in, and now try to picture your furniture arrangement…

I’ve seen some small condos in my day.

Then again, I’ve seen some extra large storage lockers as well!

But in order to try and actually envision a 270 square foot condo, I had to do a little research…

Here is a photo of the lobby in my underground parking garage where I wait for the elevator:

Every night when I get home from work; tired, irritable, and sweaty, I walk through this corridor without ever once thinking about living in it!

This corridor measures 25.5 x 6 feet and thus is 153 square feet.  It’s an irregular shape, so perhaps we can round up to 170 square feet.  That’s pretty small.  Perhaps this corridor isn’t quite livable…

What about my parking space?

Every night, I park my car on its asphalt resting place and I never stop to envision my Plasma-TV on the concrete wall or my plants in the corner of the space:

My parking space measures 17.5 x 9.5 and is thus 166 square feet.

Clearly, that is too small to live in!

But what about BOTH parking spaces?

See that red arrow at the top?  That’s where I would put my bed!

And see that “1” at the bottom?  That’s where I’d probably put this really awesome glass table I bought at a flea market last year.

And see that “X” on the right?  That’s where I would have a futon in case I have a guest…

This parking space measures 332 square feet and is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too big for anybody contemplating the purchase of a 270 square foot bachelor condo at D.N.A.-3.

A long-standing client of mine named Marc, who I have written about on this blog with the code-names Mike, Matt, Marques, Mork, and Morpheus, brought this 270 square foot condo to my attention yesterday and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.  If my obsession with this small space wasn’t obvious already, perhaps you should go back to my illustrious illustrations above…

He asked me simply, “What do you think of that 270 square foot condo they’ve got going on over at DNA?”  I stopped in my tracks right then and there and tried to digest the information.  No answers came to mind, and no words exited my mouth.  Suddenly, I found myself trying to compute the cubic-space of the elevator we were in…

Here is what the condo looks like (and excuse the blurry pic – the condo is really, really small and I had to blow it up!):

Ah, yes, there it is, in all its glory!

A beautiful, spacious, roomy, airy, and sun-filled space to call your own!

And in case you’re not an expert at reading floor plans, I’ll point out that the window space is that six-foot section behind the bed.  The rest is beautiful concrete walls!

There’s nothing quite like making pasta sauce in your kitchen and accidentally splattering it on your bed, is there?

There’s nothing quite like having a romantic dinner-for-two in your bathtub, is there?

I love how they show the flat-screen television right at the foot of the bed!  Imagine watching football with your two buddies one afternoon; all curled up in your favorite Sleep Country quilt?  “Randy Moss scored a touchdown!  PILLOW FIGHT!”

And check out the night-stand on the left side of the bed!  It’s almost touching the fridge!  Just cut out the middle-man and put your Judith Krantz novel in your fridge, or keep your pasta-salad in your night-stand…

When I arrived in Tokyo in 2005 and stepped into my hotel room, I immediately broke down and cried.  It was probably the 22 straight hours of sleepless travel coupled with the fact that I was alone in a foreign land, but I think seeing the teenie-tiny hotel room that I paid $120 US per night for was probably a contributing factor.

This hotel room was just large enough to fit a bed, dresser, TV, and mini-fridge, and the toilet, tub, and sink in the bathroom were all miniaturized as well.  The ceilings were low, and it felt like a tomb.  It scared the heck out of me.

Call me an elitist (although I don’t think I am one just because I desire more than a 270 sqft unit…), but I just can’t imagine anybody living in a 270 sqft condo, let alone purchasing one.

If I could be serious for just a moment, because that’s all I’m going to give to this subject, I think that the only people who are going to buy these 270 sqft condos are investors.

These are investors that have a few thousand dollars to park and want to buy into the King West area in any way possible, or investors who think they can easily lease out these units for $1000 per month and see some positive cash flow.

And what’s more is I think the developers at D.N.A.-3 know this!  I think they’re trying to sell units quickly and the cheapest units in any development are the easiest to sell!

Well, just when you think you’ve seen it all, a 270 square foot condo is released for sale in downtown Toronto.

So what’s the next logical step?

How about a 250 square foot condo?