Remember that feature I did a couple weeks back called “MLS Musings?”
They can’t hold a candle to these three. You’ll be blown away…
If you missed it, I did a feature in early November about ridiculous MLS captions and write-ups.
You can read that blog HERE.
As funny, ridiculous, unethical, and silly as some of those were, they’ve gotnothin’on these babies!
Big thank to my colleague Mary Kapches for passing these along! When Mary read my blog on “MLS Musings,” she told me that she had a folder of “some of her favorites” from over the years.
She pulled a handful, and a group of us stood around and read them aloud, laughing to the point of discomfort.
Here are my top three MLS captions of all time:
3) “Join The Middle Class!
Wow!
I’ve seen a lot of MLS listings where the listing agent tells you how to live your life, ie. “Sit On The Front Porch, Drink Chardonnay, And Watch The World Go By!”
I hate when agents do that, and I think it insults the intelligence of the buyers reading the listings, since it insinuates that they have no idea what to do with the property.
But this caption above is even better!
They’re not just telling you how to live your live, but what class you should live it in!
“You May Have Left With Good Money To Live Like A Normal Middle Class People.”
Excuse the poor English; it’s not like that’s abnormal for MLS. But imagine the idea of a listing agent telling you that as part of the lower-class, you can now buy this property and live a solid middle-class lifestyle!
Don’t get me wrong – I love all the spelling mistakes, and “Don’t Send Any Buyer Alone,” since I can’t imagine an agent sending their client to some random business to ask questions and take pictures, but I just can’t get over the “Middle Class” comment.
2) “How Does It Show?”
What does that mean?
“Shows Extremely O.K., Not Bad, You Know, So-So.”
Who the hell would write that? And Why?
It sounds like the most indecisive human being on the planet.
“I’ll have the steak……no, chicken….wait, fish…..nope – SALAD!”
What is”Red Alert Times Ten”?
“Ouch?”
And do they really need the *****asterisks next to “Ai Carumba,” or is that just overkill?
Who is”Yours Truly”?
Is that the listing agent with the bad back?
This is the most bizarre, non-sensical MLS write-up I’ve ever seen!
1) “Whose Cat Is That?”
I had to search long and hard to find }}}} on my keyboard.
What’s the point of this: }}}}
How does it enhance this listing? I suppose ****asterisks are sooooo 2005!
What does “4-6 Bins Should Do It” refer to?
Does that mean:
1) Demolish this entire house and you can fit the debris in 4-6 dumpsters
2) There are 4-6 bins worth of hoarding-garbage in this house
3) Something even weirder than the rest of the listing…
But the best part – the absolute BEST part has to be:
“Meow Meow.”
It just makes no sense.
This is the first and only MLS write-up I have ever seen with animal noises.
I can’t imagine writing, “Woof Woof, Come And See 24 Juniper Avenue” on my listing.
And what sound does a fish make anyways?
Meow, Meow. I just don’t get it. But it sure made me laugh!
And it should also be noted that they wrote, “Seller Has Long Drive Into Town” twice on the listing. Why do offers need to be registered three hours before presentation just because the seller has a long drive into town? How are those two correlated?
.
Well folks, I’m always on the lookout for ridiculous MLS listings.
If you happen to see any, please email them!
And if you’re an agent with a folder full of “favorites” from the early 2000’s, please share! 🙂
Have a great weekend everybody! McMaster wins the Vanier; Argos win the Grey Cup!!
Ralph Cramdown
at 8:18 am
Hey, how are listing comments where the agent suggests how to use the house different from hiring a stager to suggest how to decorate?
You should make this a regular feature, though. There’s SOO much material, but it hasn’t gotten old for me yet. Mrs. Clean must be a flipper, that’s all I’ve got to say — she lives EVERYWHERE.
Duncan
at 11:20 am
Ralph, I’ll argue with you here on that Staging suggests how to decorate, Staging first looks at the condition of the whole home and addresses these issues, (Walls, Floors, Ceilings, Windows and then lastly the owners possessions and furnishings), so that the property is “Move-In ready for the buyer. The final moving of furniture, hanging art & accessorizing is really to create flow in the home and show the maximum use of space. Many stagers do fail at this and think of it as decorating, but it is really more merchandising.
Kyle
at 2:02 pm
I’ll agree with Duncan. Staging is not about telling potential buyers how they should live, but more about erasing the constructs of how the current owner lives.
Scott
at 10:34 am
I’m thinking the remark about keeping shoes on has something to do with “meow meow” – as in cat poop everywhere! Sounds like a crazy cat lady hoarder}}}
Trevor
at 11:21 am
Dude! Well it’s wonderful that you appear to have a superb command over the English language but have you stopped to consider that a great many agents are immigrants whose first language you would have a hard time getting by with. I do not think that they were meant to be rude, insensitive or even hurtful and definitely not hilarious. That you find them such is purely your take on life, I guess. What are these poor chapies supposed to do when they have no “canadian experience”? Ease up, please.
Darren
at 1:43 pm
You must be a riot at parties.
Try some of your own advice.
Rachel Vanderveen
at 4:48 pm
If you’re acting in a professional capacity in Canada, you should have a basic command of the English language. If you don’t have that, than you shouldn’t be doing that job because you’re not giving your clients the best representation possible.
Potato
at 8:31 pm
Well, they can operate, but they should recognize the limitation and hire a copy editor. Thing is, they don’t want to spend the $10 to do that.
Pen
at 6:16 pm
I can only imagine how the Agreement of Purchase and Sale is written.
MADMAX
at 12:52 pm
If you are an immigrant and cannot put together basic sentences in a business context, you should:
a) not be doing a disservice to your clients through your lack of communication skills, goes back to fiduciary duty;
b) be shaking your head how you passed the licensing exams given your ESL status;
c) Hopefully lose enough business, and/or someone else tells you about your language STD.
It doesn’t matter that they didn;t MEAN to be rude or insensitive. It matters that they do not have the skills to do their job.
You sound like an occupy protester. Smarten up.
moonbeam!
at 4:50 pm
What I don’t understand is: don’t buyers read their own MLS listing? If they are paying an agent, shouldn’t they expect a decent listing on MLS that is well-worded, accurate, inclusive, and eye-catching? wouldn’t any reasonable buyer be interested in how the agent describes their property — not to mention any other marketing strategies their agent plans to use to sell the property!!
My neighbours have complained to me that their agent used an old file-photo of their property with the old roof, paint, and driveway — not even an accurate photo of the improved house… I’m not impressed… and the property still hasnt sold…
moonbeam!
at 5:46 pm
oops I meant sellers….
Tanushik
at 9:17 am
I love crazy people, I wish I could hang out with the middle class lady , she is probably a trans woman that drinks a lot of wine and has been divorced 7 times. My goal is to outshine these people. For my next listing which hopefully will be in the ghetto, I will put ‘steps away from the nail salon, perfect for a project princess’ or ‘Conveniently located by the West Toronto Detention Centre for easy visitations’. I can’t believe I have been censoring myself this entire time.
Jeff Norris
at 11:20 am
Just saw a listing last night that said a “sketch of a copy of the survey is available”. Hey, great news. What’s next, a “camera phone pic of a spray-painted graffiti art version of a napkin-scrawled copy of a survey”?