Maybe it’s my own personal bias against smoking and smokers talking, but I think selling a house or condo that has been smoked in for twenty years presents one of the toughest jobs in the business.

You can clean de-clutter, stage a house, or clean up “pet spots,” but there’s nothing quite as distinguishable as that familiar smell of cigarette smoke…

One of my favorite blog posts that I’ve written was a sarcastic piece entitled “Serbia’s National Sport” where I mused that smoking was the #1 “sport” in all of Serbia.

Why I decided on Serbia of all places to vacation, I still don’t know…

But the country was chalk full of smokers, and there wasn’t a single place where smoking was banned, unlike glorious Toronto where you can’t smoke in bars, restaurants, or book stores.

Every morning, I’d eat my breakfast while people chain-smoked next to me.  I’d drink coffee in smoke-filled shops, and I watched a guy try on shirts in a store while holding on to his beloved cigarette (I know…what was I doing watching other men try on clothes??).

You can read my post here, and I was so mad that I wrote a follow-up piece here.

So after reading these posts, it should come as no surprise to you that I think the smell of smoke is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome when selling your house or condo.

Smoke has such a unique, awful smell that as soon as you walk through the front door of a property offered for sale, you take one whiff and say, “This place has been smoked in.”

Earlier this year I was with two clients looking at a property at 260 Queen’s Quay.  The unit had been substantially renovated as the building is much older, and there was certainly a young-person flair to the style.  The solarium had been removed as had been the kitchen wall, and judging from the art, books, clothing, and electronics, we guessed that a young investment banker lived there.

But along with the savvy style came a wretched cigar smell, and we needed to look no further than the giant humidor in the living room to confirm our suspicions.  The owner had prominently displayed expensive Cuban cigars and old cigar boxes in a large wooden hutch right next to his dining room table, and although the piece of furniture was lovely, it didn’t make up for the stench.

260 Queen’s Quay doesn’t have any outdoor space; no patios, no terraces, no balconies – not even a Juliette.

This means that the owner of this unit smoked a cigar or two every single night in his condo, and the smoke really had nowhere to go.

My clients loved the unit, but didn’t want to deal with the smoke.  And thus, we moved on, and the unit remained for sale.

Last week I took some clients to see an enormous unit on Lombard Street; another older building like the one on Queen’s Quay.

This building offered some of the best value in the downtown core, as the unit in question was 1600 square feet for $500,000 and in the entire building there are only two units on each floor!

We walked through the front door, and right away we could tell that we weren’t alone.  This happens from time to time, as the seller often doesn’t get the message that there is a viewing scheduled for that evening and thus we walked right into this lady’s house as she was preparing dinner.

One second through the front door and we could tell that this was a smoker’s home, but as if we needed clarification, it was apparent when the owner greeted us.

Knowing that there was somebody home and not wanting to intrude, I sheepishly asked, “Helllllo?”

“COME ON IN,” shouted a voice that could only be described as raspy.

But not raspy-cool like Janis Joplin.

And not raspy-sexy like that 976 phone operator that won’t agree to meet me in person.

It was raspy-gnarly like Kathleen Turner’s character “Sue Collini” in the fantastic show Californiacation.

You know when you can tell that somebody has been smoking two packs per day since they were fourteen years old?  Yeah – it was like THAT!

“COME IN, COME IN.  I PROMISE YOU’RE NOT INTRUDING,” said the hard-spoken voice in as soft a manner as possible.

The condo was a fantastic space with huge principal rooms and an entertaining space that was twice as large as my entire condo, but I couldn’t get past the wretched smell of smoke in every corner of every room.

It certainly won’t be an easy sell for this kind-hearted yet croaky-voiced lady.

And that’s where the value proposition comes into play.

Because of the smoke-smell, and perhaps a couple of other contributing factors, this unit is going to sell for significantly under market value.  They’re close to $300 per square foot, which is unthinkable, really.

So what is the process of removing the damage caused by 10-15 years of ’round-the-clock smoking?

First and foremost, you’ll need to wash every single surface of your house with a good cleaning product – ammonia or glycol, perhaps for the hard suraces.  If you have hardwood flooring, vinegar and water is a good initial clean followed by your standard lemon/pine hard cleaning product from Home Depot.  And if you’re not on your hands and knees, you’re not trying hard enough!

Then wash down every square inch of the walls and ceiling.  If you have a “popcorn” ceiling, good luck.  Once the walls are clean, you’ll need a fresh coat of paint not only to cover up the remaining smoke smell, but to remove one smell with another – and who doesn’t love the smell of paint?  At least this way when your prospective buyers come in, they’ll say, “Smells like the unit has been freshly painted!”

Carpets usually absorb the smoke smell better than any other substance because they are complex and deep.  You’re talking about upwards of an inch of individual fibres, plus the underpadding, and that’s where things get really complicated.  Some people elect to replace the carpets and leave the underpadding, but I think that a job worth doing is worth doing well and you may as well throw out the underpadding too.  If you elect to steam clean the carpets and not replace them, make sure you get the underpadding too.

If you own a house, chances are there is a lingering smoke-smell in the ducts and heating/cooling systems.  Replace all the filters and clean where you can reach in the ducts themselves.  There are specialty products available that you can put into your heating/cooling source that is supposed to spread the product through all the ducts to “clean” them, but I’m very skeptical.

If you’re trying to decide whether or not to purchase an “estate sale” where the two owners have been pleasantly smoking for the last sixty years, I’d say removing the smoke-smell is a lost cause.  Either take up smoking, or look at a different house.

If all else fails, you could chew tobacco.

That’s the one habit nastier than smoking….I think…