“Festival Tower” was launched in June of 2007 with a unique marketing campaign in which all suites were named after famous movie stars.

The 46-story monster at the corner of King/John is being billed as “five-star luxury hotel-inspired” and is playing on the assumption that people will pay more to live in a building with the allure of stardom.

Using the slogan: “Live a star studded lifestyle atop the Festival Centre, the new home of the Toronto International Film Festival Group,” we can clearly see that Daniels Group is milking Hollywood for all it’s worth.

My question: Is it actually worth it?

What makes Leonardo DiCaprio more marketable than Marlon Brando?  “The Godfather” himself is widely considered the greatest movie actor of all time, and has two Oscars for Best Actor to his credit along with six other Oscar nominations.  Leonardo DiCaprio, on the other hand, played “Luke” on Growing Pains for two seasons next to Kirk Cameron and Alan Thicke…

Festival Tower has broken down their suite selection by naming them after twenty-two different actors.

DOUGLAS is the tiny studio unit, or “bachelor” as it is usually called.  Credit the marketing team on this one for using “studio” as a clever synonym for a bachelor unit with no bedroom, space, or general appeal whatsoever.  But is this Michael Douglas, Kirk Douglas, or perhaps Buster Douglas?

NICHOLSON, MONROE, KEATON, JOLIE, HAYWORTH, PACINO, & BRANDO encompass the various 1-bedroom and 1-bedroom-plus-den units.  Surely this is Diane Keaton, winner of 1977’s Oscar for Annie Hall rather than Michael Keaton, who gave us “Multiplicity.”  My, how times have changed; hearing Angelina Jolie’s name mentioned in the same breath as Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, & Marlon Brando just doesn’t seem right.

EASTWOOD, BARDOT, CHAPLIN, LOREN, BACALL, SARANDON, GARLAND, REDFORD, DUVALL, & HOFFMAN make up the various 2-bedroom and 2-bedroom-plus-den (or “media” as a synonym for den) units.  I’m not sure why they didn’t keep the Brando, Hayworth, & Monroe in the same category as Champlin, Loren, Bardot, and others from the Silver Screen era.

DICAPRIO, FREEMAN, POITIER, & HEPBURN are the lucky one’s who get their names on the Penhouse units atop Festival Tower on the 45th & 46th floors.  I’ve already addressed my issue with having Leonardo DiCaprio’s name used to describe the Penthouse unit, in lieu of more impressive actors, but I’m curious: what did the process of picking these names actually entail?  Was it a five-minute meeting?  Or were there heated discussions about the merits of Morgan Freeman & Sidney Poitier over the likes of Clint Eastwood & Jack Nicholson?

I’m also curious what difference this will make to potential buyers when contemplating which unit to purchase.

Just think of this conversation between a husband and his wife: “Jane, I really want the Brigitte Bardot suite for $624,900!”  “Uhh…yeah, John, I’m not living in a suite named after a ‘sex kitten’ who was married four times.  We are taking the Eastwood unit for $615,900, and by the way, we are renting ‘Bridges of Madison County’ tonight.”

As for the sale prices, I mentioned in my blog the other day how any unit-owners who purchase under the $350,000 threshold are NOT permitted to purchase a parking space.  Unit prices run upwards of $2,271,900 which is by far the most expensive condo development in downtown Toronto that is NOT in Yorkville.  Remember the days of fascination with condos over the $1,000,000 mark?  Those days are long over, now that pre-constuction is asking $2.2 Million downtown.

And what if you are a simple Joe-public that wants to buy into this building at the entry level?  Well, for a mere $282,900, you can get yourself a bachelor….sorry….”studio” unit of 487 square feet, with basic finishes, not including a locker ($4,000 extra), parking (sorry, not allowed to buy it for any amount of money!), and they want a 20% downpayment, not a penny less!  So roughly $580 per square foot.  Well, I suppose that is better than the $821/sqft you’d have to pay for the 2765 square foot HEPBURN Penthouse unit.

My opinion, humble as always: If you are one of Toronto’s social elite, and you want your other socially elite friends to marvel at your new, modest, million-dollar purchase, then this building is for you.  If you are a seemingly-normal person, without a yacht, cottage, alligator shoes, and the desire to maybe, perhaps, possibly, one day bump into Kevin Bacon in the lobby of your building, then your money is much better suited elsewhere.

If I had to choose between the Susan SARANDON suite of 1250 square feet for close to $900,000 all-in, versus: three above average Toronto condos at $300,000, a 4-bedroom house in Leaside, a mansion in Oakville, or two semi-detached houses in Riverdale, I can tell you there would be a zero percent chance my mail would be sent to a suite named after the star of movie gems such as “Lorenzo’s Oil”….