Does your condominium have an indoor pool?

If so, have you ever used it?

Was it something you used simply because it’s there, and you figured you should take advantage of it?  Or is it something you coveted, and use because it’s a feature you value?

Do you regularly work out in your building’s gym?  Did you buy into a condominium with a functional gym because you knew it would save you $60 per month on a GoodLife membership?

How do you value amenities in condos?

Do you think you’d ever use the “next-level” amenities such as a bowling alley, virtual golf simulator, batting cage, poker room, or chilled wine storage?

Or would you rather pay lower fees, and presumably lower prices, to live in a normal condo without the “frills,” and simply live your life in your unit, and outside your building?

There are a lot of new condos coming online that offer amenities way beyond a golf simulator, and I believe that these amenities are very specific to a small percentage of the buyer pool.

Then again, I’m old……er.

At Tim Horton’s this afternoon, an elderly woman in a walker was trying to squeeze by a group of kids, aka “whippersnappers,” and one kid looked back, saw the woman, and shifted his body weight ever so slightly to move his chair about one-eighth of an inch.  I leaned in and told the kid, “The next time a 90-year-old with a walker wants to pass by, you get off your ass and move your fucking chair.”

So that’s me.  I’m 39-years-old, going on eighty.

And dare I say, I might be out of touch when it comes to how the next generation are going to live their lives in downtown Toronto condominiums.

Consider Daniels’ Corporation’s “Lighthouse East Tower” down by the waterfront, which is pushing the following amenities:

Social Club
Fireside Lounge & BBQ Terrace
Appliance Sharing Kitchen
Zen Garden
Arts & Crafts Studio
Garden Prep Studio
Community Gardening Plots

We’ve come a long, long way since a virtual golf simulator was all the rage!

Now it should be noted that some condos in the pre-sale stage, with absurd amenities, have now been cancelled.

Look no further than……….wait for it………..the observatory planned for the appropriately-named “Cosmos Condos” in Vaughan, which was going to offer this:

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But back to Daniels’ Lighthouse East Tower, tell me if I’m an old curmudgeon here.

Do we really think that an “appliance sharing kitchen” is going to work?

Personally, I feel as though the youth of today want to think that they can all live in harmony, share can-openers and blenders, and pick up after themselves.

But in reality, I don’t trust anybody to do this, let alone young 20-somethings.

After all, there’s what people want in theory, and in a vacuum, and then there’s how they act in practice and in the real world, as evidenced by this letter I recall reading in the Globe & Mail:

Mac students launch climate petition (Sept. 25)

Thank you for your article regarding Mac students’ request that the university cancel classes for the global climate strike.

I find it hard to reconcile their request with the picture of the astounding amount of garbage — discarded signs, papers, flyers, cans, bottles, including water bottles — left by these same Mac students at their Dalewood street party after the protest ended.

Sharon Gibbons, Hamilton

I know, it’s cliche of me to jump on the bandwagon and note that so many young people attending climate change rallies are being driven by their parents in GMC Yukon’s, but I’d rather take some heat for mentioning it than leave it unsaid.

Again, I’m not suggesting that the youth of today and tomorrow are the only ones who I wouldn’t trust to share appliances in a condo kitchen, because I don’t trust anybody with this unproven, theorized idea.  But since people keep referring to this is an idea “for young condo buyers,” I’m going to opine on that particular demographic.

Other amenities in the Lighthouse include the BBQ Terrace & Fireside Lounge:

And then there’s the Zen Garden:

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Many will notice that these amenities are really just a repackaged version of “rooftop terraces” that exist in so many condominium projects.

Look at the roof of 313-323 Richmond Street East, for example.  This condominium was built back in 2000, and the entire roof of the building is a common space, including multiple BBQ areas, gazebos, picnic tables and apparently so much social interaction that the building has been nicknamed “Melrose Place” by the residents.

So a “Zen Garden” may just be another way of marketing a few dirty shrubs and some Canadian Tire outdoor furniture, who knows.

But the entire marketing approach to this condo is that it’s different.

This building is about community.

Check out their e-Book online: https://danielswaterfront.com/lighthouse-west-condo/

The pages scream “community.”

Specifically, these ones:

Whether this works or not, I’ll give Daniels Corp this – they are really thinking outside the box here!

A Jam Space?  It’s been done before.  In fact, there are “music rooms” at 111 St. Clair Avenue West, which is definitely not a condo built for millennials, so perhaps it wouldn’t be fair to suggest that the the Jam Studio at Daniels’ Lighthouse East is only for young people.

I mean, there’s old dude pictured in the above “Arts & Crafts Studio,” so maybe these are amenities for all?

I’m not convinced, however.  Far from it.  Call me cynical if you want to, but I’ve just been around far too long, and seen far too much in the real estate game, to think this has any shot at working.

Now when it comes to another development, this one called “Plant Condos,” located at 41 Dovercourt Road, the developer is really taking the “thinking outside the box” idea to another level.  This is a whole other kind of thinking.  And it’s also going to appeal to a whole other subset of buyers.

Here are the artist’s renderings for Plant Condos, and if you’re like me, you notice one theme throughout…

Yes, there certainly are a lot of plants, aren’t there?

That can’t be the true theme behind Plant Condos, can it?

No, there’s more.

From Real Estate News Exchange:

The Plant’s eco-friendly suites will also feature geothermal heating, LED lighting and low-VOC materials. They can be customized with extra pantries, industrial metal racks and integrated wood table extensions. The Plant will also feature large balconies and terraces as well as heated bicycle parking and a bike repair zone.

What really sets The Plant apart, however, are its plans to be self-sustaining and self-reliant by introducing agriculture and food production to the community. The “terrace-to-table” concept will bring features and amenities that facilitate food production, including an internal greenhouse/nursery to cultivate seeds and grow plants and an industrial-style kitchen.

The Plant will feature a green roof, planter boxes, communal garden plots and eating areas, a cistern for irrigation, a façade of greenery on a large exterior accent wall, and efficient building materials and practices.

“There was a strong response due to the building design, wide and shallow unit design with ample daylight, oversized balconies and the emphasis on urban agriculture,” said Speigel.

Alright, well…

Here’s the part where I lose some of you, not necessarily because our opinions differ, but because of my cynicism.

Where do I start.  Well, I mean, I like planet earth.  It’s cool.  It’s home to me, and it’s the best planet I’ve ever lived on.

I’m not a climate change denier, but I am a realist.

So when I see “amenities that facilitate food production, including an internal greenhouse/nursery to cultivate seeds and grow plants and an industrial-style kitchen,” I can’t help but think this is capitalizing on the oh-so-cool fad of caring about the planet, whether you’re aware of your own carbon footprint (which 99% of people aren’t, even though they think they are), or whether you just think that buying a condo in a building like this is super-duper-rad.

Another note about the building – this one from a Globe & Mail article about “Foodie Friendly” condos:

The 74-unit development’s roomy balconies, for instance, are wedge-shaped to prevent upper balconies from shading container gardening. A shared kitchen’s south-facing glazing is designed to illuminate shelves strewn with potted herbs and seedlings. Outside, more planters will occupy a 1,615-square-metre terrace.

The thing is, and, I mean, there is a thing…

…this thing…..oh, boy, I mean, this is like telling a child there’s no Santa…..I mean….the thing is….

….WINTER!

This is like city councillors looking to put bike lanes and outdoor furniture on the road on Danforth Avenue when there’s snow from November through April.  Not a lot of folks sitting in outdoor furniture on January 5th, are there?

Like I said, I’m losing some of you, and that’s okay.  We can’t agree on everything.

But is the idea of condominium owners growing their own food a fantasy?  Or is there something to this?

At my old condo, I grew lots of stuff on the terrace!  Tomatoes, both cherry and hot house, green and red peppers, hot peppers, onions, basil, parsley, sage, and oregano.  But I didn’t survive on this bounty of food, nor did I grow it during the winter.

Like I said, I’m a cynic.  I don’t set out to rain on parades, but if I do see rain, I might let others know that they’d benefit from an umbrella.

All of this outside the box thinking in new condo design seems, at some junctures, to be targeted at young buyers, and I’m far from convinced that these new-age features will be functional or realistic in practice.

I’m also not convinced that the marketing being used is in any way related to reality.  Forget fiscal responsibility – we’re way beyond that.  But what about living outside of a goddam fantasy?

Watch this video for “Cabin” from Curated Properties:

What the hell is this marketing?

This is for a condo?  Really?

This was one step from softcore porn.  I mean, that bum?  Wow!  That was great!  And they showed it not once, but twice!

Cool, hip, young woman, wearing a leather jacket and high heels, comes home and turns on, oh, of course – her record player.

Then she changes into a man’s shirt and her underwear (but I’m sure she calls them “panties”) for her hunky boyfriend, who appears out of nowhere with a fresh haircut and hipster-trimmed-beard.

If seeing her in the bathtub naked isn’t enough to get your imagination running, how about a close-up of her bum, in a thong, as she stands on her tippie-toes to get a glass of wine?

So now what?

Ummmm…………..roast marshmallows?

What condo allows a raging fire pit?

What is this video marketing?

I mean, I’m one step from calling Quest Chat and seeing if there are any other like-minded, hot, young, fun singles that just want to chat with no strings attached!  This video really got my motor running!

Tell me I’m crazy here, folks.

But is there such a thing as too outside the box?

Or do I just need to get out more often?