It’s been a while since we’ve done one of these!

Lots on my mind (even some of it about real estate!) so let’s get right to it…

Rollerblading Realtor!

Think Roller-Girl in the epic film “Boogie Nights.”

Think about David Cross’ comedic routine about the desolate streets of NYC after 9/11 and how, “Nobody’s gonna tell Gabriel what to do….”

Now think about one of Toronto’s 30,000 licensed Realtors going property-to-property on a pair of Bravo-Blades!

Although I have never had the pleasure myself, a colleague of mine has seen this gentleman roll past her on several occasions.

But the incredulous Rollerblading-Realtor does not take his skates off when he enters properties!  Can you imagine?  I have seller-clients who send me concerned emails when they come home and find that their hand-towels have been ruffled.  Imagine a man skating around in your living room?

No word of a lie – my colleague was in a Central Toronto home where the Rollerblading-Realtor was climbing up the stairs, klunking his skates down one stair at a time.  He skated down the second floor hallway from one end to the next, popping his head in and out of bedrooms.

“Seen one, seen ’em all,” he noted.

Wow.  I’d love to have a pocket-camera ready when I run into this guy…

Lacking Liability

I worked on a deal this week where the listing agent had insisted we insert his “Schedule B;” the likes of which I had never seen before.  In fact, we began to circulate this Schedule B around my office to solicit feedback and determine just how a Realtor should proceed if he or she encounters something like this.

The schedule was three pages long and basically attempted to absolve and indemnify the listing agent and the seller from any and every potential issue.

There is such a thing as “covering one’s behind,” but to include twenty clauses to this effect is unethical.

“Seller makes no representation about….”

“Buyer agrees to indemnify the listing agent and the seller if…”

“Seller and agent shall not be held liable in the event that…”

“In the event of any discrepancy…”

The list goes on and on…..and on.

I’m of the mindset that if you’re the seller of a home, you should take responsibility for that home and what you are selling.  You can’t sell something and simply say, “Regardless of how long I’ve lived here, what renovations I’ve made, and the way I have lived, I refuse to disclose anything, acknowledge anything, represent and warrant anything, or be held liable for anything, no matter if I’m 100% at fault.”

Many Realtors in Toronto simply download the Schedule B and pass it to their buyers saying, “Sign here – it’s standard stuff.”  Yes, the interest bearing clause is standard, as is the CVA clause, but have a read through and don’t put your buyers at risk by having them sign their lives (and rights to warranted litigation!) away.

Lacking Maturity….

This is a phrase I heard throughout my entire adolescence, but this time around, it’s about real estate…

When I listed my condo for sale, I may have gone overboard when describing the terrace and all that it encompasses.

One of my colleagues asked me one day, “Fleming – do you have a 200-year-old willow on your terrace?”

I smiled and said, “Um, no, why?”

She said, “I know I was there in the summer, but did I happen to miss the 80-year-old oak tree?”

I finally said, “Okay what’s up?”

She laughed as she told me that I had written “mature trees” on the MLS listing, and then said, “I guess the word ‘mature’ is open to some interpretation, particularly for those people who bought emerald cedars at Home Depot in May.”

Well, that’s why I love where I work.  We tease each other unmercifully, and every day is somebody else’s turn…

Top or Bottom?

Stop me if you’ve already seen this, but I can’t get over the advertisements and slogans for DNA Phase 3.

I’m not saying it’s bad!

In fact, I think it has people talking!

I’ve often stated that I think the world is far too sensitive, so what’s wrong with a little play on words?

I suppose when “Basement Lofts” makes its inevitable debut into the condo world, their slogan will be “Do you like being on the bottom?”

Personally, I like it on top, I like it on the bottom, and I like it on the side.  I like it upside down, backwards, forwards, left, right, in the middle, and in the air.

Wait a second……what are we talking about?

Are we talking about condos?

I’m lost…

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?

Raise your hand if you would pay $20 to ride Rob Ford’s ferris wheel?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I’ve been putting off writing a blog about the proposed re-development of our city’s waterfront, but only because my thoughts change with each passing day!

Anything is better than what stands there now, but seriously – a ferris wheel?

I’m a fiscal conservative and a capitalist, but even I chuckle when I think of explaining to some neglected child that he or she can’t eat today because Toronto needed a goddam ferris wheel!

Ah, I kid!  It’s part and parcel of a “larger plan.”  I mean, apparently there are corporations that will pay $5 Million per year to have their logo inside one of these pods on the ferris wheel.  Hmmm…..I wonder if I can find five-million-bucks in my budget for a sweet Toronto Realty Blog logo inside pod number eighty-six…

TIFF OFF….

Mad, Mad, Madonna…

You’ve all heard the stories by now, and whether the accounts are exaggerated, and whether her “people” are truly at fault for her actions, I think Madonna’s display at this year’s TIFF perfectly demonstrates what we as a society have created.

While I do blame Madonna for being such an incredible bitch, I also blame society for creating this thing called “Celebrity.”

I have often mused that I don’t believe in this concept, but as long as society continues to watch bullsh!t like “The Real Housewives of Rhode Island,” it will continue to make something out of nothing, or somepeople out of nobodys.

Personally, if I had the chance to go to lunch with Madonna tomorrow, I wouldn’t.  Partly because I’m too busy, but also because I just wouldn’t give her the time of day.  It’s not 1991 anymore, and A League of Their Own did not just make Lori Petty a star…

I’d rather go to lunch with soccer star Maradonna, hip-hop artist Capadonna, adult film star Beladonna, or Donna Martin’s ghost from the original “Beverly Hills 90210.”

I’d love to meet Bill Clinton, Wayne Gretzky, Warren Buffet and a handful of other “celebrities,” but I’d shake their hand like I would my best friend, and I wouldn’t fawn.

Society created celebrities, and I think it’s sad when people have so little in their own lives that they worship false idols and treat common-folk on reality-tv like they’re the second coming of Audrey Hepburn.

And to close the book on Madonna; I think she is a disgusting, awful person and I have no clue what people see in her.

Hellooooo, Scar-Jo!

On behalf of three-billion men worldwide, let me say “Thank You” to Scarlett Johansson for having as much common sense as any 16-year-old girl with a camera phone and an incredible amount of naivety.

I’ve seen the pictures, and personally I think she looks better with her clothes on.  Call me old-fashioned, but I think a lady is far sexier in clothing; so long as you’re a man with class and a little imagination.