I stage all my listings.
All of them.
Well, that’s not entirely true. Perhaps once every two years or so, we come across a property that simply doesn’t need staging.
Two years ago, I had a property that was a designer’s own home. We didn’t change a thing.
And this fall, we listed a home that was not owned by a designer, but was so meticulous, curated, and professionally presented that my stager and I simply gave each other “the look;” the one that says, “Should you tell them they don’t need staging, or should I?”
Having said that, about 99.9% of properties we come across need staging. And by “need,” we mean would benefit from. There’s a lot to be said for presentation in today’s market, and sellers and agents who don’t stage are simply leaving money on the table.
When it comes to home stagers, they are like real estate agents and mortgage brokers: there are good ones, and there are bad ones.
I’ve been working with Lucie Brand from Toronto Home Staging & Design for fifteen years, and we stage about 60-80 listings per year together, so suffice it to say, I believe in everything that she and her team do.
Several weeks ago, I was showing a home to prospective buyers, and I simply couldn’t get past how bad the staging was.
If we were to make a list of “bad staging choices,” a lot of the things on that list would have appeared in this house!
So because I know that the TRB readers love this type of blog post, I immediately began snapping photos of items in the home, and essentially started to write this blog in my head.
Let me present you with ten staging items in this home, and we’ll assign a classic “pass” or “fail” to each.
Sound good?
As the leader of Crash Test Dummies said in The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead….
…”Let’s begin!”
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1) “Artwork” that is really just signs with annoying slogans.
I understand that we can’t expect stagers to put a Van Gogh in every living room, but surely there’s a baseline for what’s considered “artwork,” right?
Many people complain about staging with IKEA artwork, and I get that.
How many times can you visit a staged home and see that red double-decker bus from London, England?
Many, it would seem.
Then there’s the “Homesense effect,” which is staging with random things you find in the glorified flea market that is an upscale Winners.
However, all of that is still better than staging artwork that resembles signs more than art. Because art with words isn’t really art, is it?
Here’s an example:
Can’t we do better?
I would rather an oil canvas of your family dog being run over by a truck than see another one of these.
Verdict: Fail.
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2) Plastic fruit and/or vegetables.
My stager, Lucie Brand, told me a few years ago, “We stopped using lemons and limes in our staging before most people even started.”
While that might sound verbose, it doesn’t make it untrue!
I asked Lucie, “Have you ever sprayed Pledge wood cleaner on red apples to make them shine?”
She laughed. Then shuddered.
Many stagers are still putting out the bowl of red apples, and some are still doing the lemons and limes.
But what about plastic fruit?
Here’s an example:
I’m convinced that buyers see this, laugh, then discount the value of the home.
I know that my clients certainly did.
VERDICT: Fail.
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3) Picture frames with no pictures.
I’m not an interior designer. Never will be, in fact.
My house has as many tchotchkes as yours does, and you might not like my selection of wall art.
But I think I’m qualified to suggest that using a picture frame that has no picture in it would qualify as a poor design choice.
Here’s an example:
Oh, it’s 4 inches by 4 inches, is it?
Great.
But seriously, I would rather have the stock photo of a happy couple’s wedding or an overachiever’s college graduation in there than a photo of the brand, as though we know or care who Isaac Jacobs is, or that this isn’t made in a factory overseas.
VERDICT: Fail.
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4) The book with a magnifying glass.
I got my first pair of glasses when I was around thirty-five years old. I began to understand that, eventually, everybody needs glasses.
But how many people need magnifying glasses?
Not many.
And yet this has become a staple of home staging!
The book with the magnifying glass!
Who the hell came up with this?
This is everywhere!
You’ve all seen it.
And yet I can’t understand why this trend started.
VERDICT: Pass. Only because it’s not exceptionally egregious…
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5) More “artwork” with words on it.
Were you offended by my comment about your family dog getting smushed by a truck?
It was metaphorical. Duh.
And yet, when I see this next piece of what apparently constitutes “art,” I would literally rather see a watercolour of Buddy the dog under an eighteen-wheeler than this:
This is absolutely, positively awful.
VERDICT: Fail.
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6) “Accessories” that are just random objects, seemingly chosen from thin air.
While none of us want to accessorize our entire house with crystal vases, most of us would agree that to place any sort of accessory or piece of art on a coffee table or wall unit, the piece has to have some sort of meaning.
Maybe it’s a clay sculpture you picked up during your trip to South America.
Perhaps it’s a hand-carved wooden box you picked up at a craft sale in Riverdale Park.
Just as “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” we could also suggest that one person’s tchotchke is another person’s piece of fine art.
But when it comes to staging, we see a lot of accessories that were made in China, created at random, and sold at HomeSense for $9.
Like this:
Nobody has ever woken up in the morning and said, “Do you know what would really tie the room together? A gold leaf springing from a black metal base!”
Nuh-uh. Never happened.
But because we all have different tastes in accessories, I have to begrudgingly accept this as a part of staging.
VERDICT: Pass. Oy.
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7) Exceptionally cliché kitchen storage items.
Free coffee to whoever admits the following:
You store your pasta in a container that is labelled “Pasta.”
Go on. Tell me. I’ll buy you a coffee.
There’s nothing wrong with it!
But what about these:
Kate Young just came into my office as I was writing this and said, “Oh, well, that’s something you might actually have!”
Then she said, “You’re going to hyperlink my name to my website, right?”
Kate, go away.
But also, get these awful tins out of here.
Nobody has these, right?
(sigh)
VERDICT: Pass.
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8) Random design magazines open to random pages, thrown randomly on a random piece of furniture.
My thoughts on this one are very different now that I’m a parent.
If I saw this in my house, my reaction would be, “Hey, who left this on the chaise?”
I don’t own a chaise, but that’s staging humour for you…
We see so many examples of this in staging, and I don’t understand it. When a home is actually featured in a magazine, then I understand why that magazine is left open on the kitchen counter, in the kitchen where the photo was taken!
But in this particular house where I took these photos, we’ve got an ugly, poorly renovated house with awful staging, and then there’s a photo of a beautifully decorated bedroom.
It’s ironic.
But I’m sure the seller wouldn’t see it that way.
VERDICT: Fail.
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9) Fake books, hollow books, or quasi-book-boxes (that are also hollow).
If the above headline didn’t make any sense, it’s for good reason.
Because there’s this trend in staging to have books that are hollow, then things that look like books but aren’t, which are also hollow.
Like these:
Seriously.
This isn’t your grandfather’s coveted antique cigar box:
Books are cheap. Even art books, cookbooks, or hardcover novels.
I loathe stagers who use fake books! But I also hate whatever the heck these are supposed to be.
VERDICT: Fail.
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10) Anything with a “HomeSense” label still on it.
Doesn’t matter what it is.
Doesn’t matter when you bought it.
Doesn’t matter the property type, whether it’s a $500,000 condo or a $5,000,000 house.
You simply cannot have this:
Yes, stagers purchase items from HomeSense. We know this.
But that adage, “I want to eat the steak; I don’t want to meet the cow,” rings true, doesn’t it?
Let the buyer pretend that the house is beautifully designed, decorated, and accessorized by a high-end firm.
Don’t tell them that the “amazing magician” who dives into the lake, covered in chains, with a padlock, just happened to have a key placed between his toes.
Those labels are annoying to take off, but that’s why they invented Goo Gone.
And worse is when the label looks like this:
I realize that I’m only picking up items and looking underneath because I’m gathering material for a cynical blog post, but don’t kid yourself; buyers do this too!
I’m reminded of a classic line from Seinfeld.
When George takes the chocolate eclair out of the garbage and takes a bite, Jerry says:
“Adjacent to refuse is refuse.”
If you stage your home with garbage, what do you expect buyers to think about it?
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As always, when it comes to your thoughts on passes and fails, I’m all ears!
Have a great weekend, everybody!
