I carry a Blackberry, an iPad, a measuring tape, and a camera.

Should I add a flashlight to my repertoire?

Every Realtor has his or her own ideas on how to sell a property.

Houses, condos, commercial properties; you name it, every Realtor has a strategy.

I certainly have my way of doing things as well, but rather than explain my listing process from start to finish, and delve into every precaution I take, problem I might encounter, and solution I propose, today I’d like to tell you a story about a house I visited with clients last week that turned out to be a perfect example of how not to sell.

This house is on a prime street where, if marketed correctly, the house could command above fair market value.  There are only a handful of houses on the street, and the area is in serious need of supply to meet the booming demand.  It’s one of those areas that, as my clients put it, “nobody ever moves out of; you buy in, then you buy up, and you always continue to live in the neighbourhood.”  With that logic, you can see how houses are in low supply, and demand for low-end or high-end is huge.

We went to see the house around 6:00pm, and there was no moonlight that evening.

The street was home to many houses with Christmas lights, which helped to give it a healthy glow, but the house that was for sale was so dark that you could barely see the FOR SALE sign on the lawn.

We stepped onto the driveway and noticed that there wasn’t a single light on in the house.

Remember back when you were a kid, and on Halloween, you’d approach those houses that had no intention whatsoever of partaking in the festivities?  The houses that were pitch black, and said, “There’s no candy here, so don’t come knocking”?  Well the house we visited last week reminded me of those houses on Halloween, which usually got egged…

There was no lockbox on the front door or railing, and when I double-checked my showing instructions, I noticed it said, “Code 8736 is for back door keypad.” (that’s not the real code, just in case you were thinking about trying every house in the city…)

So we proceeded down the driveway, which of course, had no light!

Maybe this night was just exceptionally dark, but the three of us felt like we were fumbling around with no clue what was four-feet ahead of us.

I felt like every character that was not Vin Diesel in “Pitch Black.”

Or maybe it was like Jodie Foster in the basement at the end of “Silence of the Lambs.”

In any event, the modest light from my Blackberry enabled me to see what was two feet in front of me, and all the while, I kept thinking, “Why the hell wouldn’t they leave the lights on?  They knew we were coming!”

Let me pause for a minute and give you the details of this home.

Listed at $1,699,000, this listing also has a “hold-back” on offers, as I suppose the listing agent, sellers, or both believe they can attract multiple offers and maybe start a bidding war.

Agree or disagree with the pricing, I think the house is exceptionally marketable, and thus it should be, well, marketed.

Forcing buyers to fumble around in the dark isn’t what I’d call “marketing.”

Can’t somebody show up at the house – this $1.7 Million house – and turn on the lights before a showing?  Pull up a giant flood-light in the back of a goddam Ford F-150 for chrissake!  We’re talking about multi-millions here!

I found the back porch, although there were two doors back there so it wasn’t easy.

Again, I shined my Blackberry light onto the keypad and punched in the code, and the door opened with a “Beeep-beeeep-beeeep” that I assumed was an alarm system, about to go off.  That would have been the perfect end to this situation, although lucky for me, it was just an overzealous door chime.

I opened the door and tripped on the half-step at the top, and began to reach all over the place for the light.

Would you believe that in the covered-porch where we entered, there wasn’t a single light switch?

Nope, I had to go through the covered porch and into the hall to find a switch, which gave us just enough light to get another fifteen feet before again being left in the dark.

There wasn’t a single light on in this house!  So I ask the obvious question: what the hell are the sellers thinking?

With $1.7 Million at stake, why not pay a little more attention?

Or is this about being green-friendly?  Because saving $50 on electricity might cost you a few-hundred-thousand when nobody can find the damn house!

I stumbled around through the main floor, feeling up every single wall in search of light switches, turning on as many as I could.

I eventually reached the front of the house, and then another thing dawned on me: why did the sellers make us come in the back door?

Part of the appeal, ambiance, and tradition of this neighbourhood are the curb appeal, facade, and front doors of the houses.  It would have made such a better impression to come through the front of the house, through the foyer, and into the living room than to come through the back door and into a covered porch!

Where was the logic and reasoning in this decision?

Don’t people realize what they’re selling here?  It’s not just a (very dark) house, but rather it’s a lifestyle!  It’s a dream!  It’s opening the grand door to your new home!  It’s not tripping over the step at the back door and hoping you’re not setting off the alarm system!

I have to say, that even though this house turned out to be a major disappointment, I think it might have made a better impression if the situation had been different.  We saw each room, one at a time, as we messed around looking for light-switches and trying to gain light in each 10 x 15 foot space.  There’s something to be said for a “first impression,” but in this particular house, we had a series of smaller impressions each time we entered a room.

There were a lot of other drawbacks to this house in the end, such as the fact that I personally think the property is over-priced by $300,000, making their “offer date” laughable.

The staging was terrible as well; notably the double-bed frame with the single mattress.  That clearly doesn’t convey the feeling of a “multi-million dollar” lifestyle.

But the fact that not a single light was left on inside, or outside the house, and that the property was so difficult to access, bothered me the most.  It’s so simple, yet so easy to miss!

As a seller, or a listing agent, you have to put yourselves in the shoes of the buyer.

Nobody wants to play American Gladiators, running down the driveway gauntlet, trying to keep balance, in the dark, all in search of whatever wins Capture The Flag.

Use some common sense, and pay a neighbourhood kid $10 to run over and turn all the lights on before a showing, if the reason for the darkness is energy conservation.

If the reason for the darkness is not energy conservation, then you’re just a moron.

So with that out of the way, perhaps they can address the pricing…