More MLS Musings!

MLS Musings! | July 21, 2014

There are some real winners in this edition, let me tell you!

From great salesmanship, to poor salesmanship, to terrible grammar, to something……something that you just can’t explain, and has to be seen – this edition has a little something for everybody.

I can’t believe this stuff is out there on MLS.  It’s embarrassing…


1) Just A Standard 170-Day Closing…

This one, I just don’t understand.

The average closing for a Toronto house or condo is between 30 – 60 days, and if you, as a seller, try to push for 90 days or more, you risk turning away prospective sellers.

The listing below asks for a January 2015 closing, and this property was looking at offers last week.

Even worse, is that they had a hold-back on offers, clearly looking for multiple offers, but they might have driven away every single buyer by asking for a 170++ day closing!

These are the kind of people who will later complain, “The market is so tough right now.  We didn’t get a single offer!”


2) Bait & Switch?

This is just a big, fat tease!

The listing markets a 4,900 square foot home, that is ready for a King & Queen.

Not only that, I have SEVERAL petticoats (who doesn’t?), and I have always wanted a butler named “Jeeves.”

The listing says that Jeeves will prepare dinner, but alas, it later specifies “Butler not included.”

What a bait and switch…


3) Honesty IS The Best Policy

Selling a house that was formerly used as a marijuana grow-op has enough hurdles as it is, but failing to disclose this fact at the onset won’t help anybody.

So why not put it right into the listing as seen below?

I love the part about “no power” though.  I guess this one was from the winter when it got dark at 5:45pm each night…


4) Ohh La La!

If you’re going to start an MLS listing with “Ohh La, La,” you really don’t need the *** asterisks.

“Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am.”

I can’t believe somebody put this in a listing!  What do the sellers think?

And when you read “Elderly Sellers” and back-track a bit to the “Ja Ja Ja Cuzzi,” and then throw in the “Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am,” doesn’t that make your stomach turn a little bit?

This could be one of the best of all time…


5) Bare Feet!

This one really doesn’t need an explanation.

I think it’s pretty cute, but I’d still rather use the 463 available characters on MLS to detail the house, and not be cheeky…


6) What The…

I have absolutely no idea what this is supposed to mean.

Maybe somebody who is a little more cultured can help me out here.

“….Plus Zhong Guan Cun = All In One!!”

What does that mean?

I Googled it, and it seems that  Zhongguancun is a technology hub in Beijing, China.  Okay, fine – but why put this on an MLS listing?  Raise your hand if you knew what this was, and you’re not Chinese?  And if you are Chinese, did you know what this mean?  Is it a selling feature?

And what about Toronto resembles Malibu?

Where is our version of the Champs-Élysées?

Yeah, sure.  Living on the fourth floor of a crappy Bay Street condo (not yet a condo – actually a construction zone) is like living in Manhattan, Malibu, Paris, Silicon Valley, and Beijing.

Zhong Guan Cun2

There are so many things wrong with this one.

Is “UFT” really the biggest private school in Canada?

How can you see the lake from the 4th floor?

And should I let them off the hook for “Finer Shoppings,” or can we expect better spelling, grammar, and grasp of the language in which we do business?

That might be one for the ages too, although I’m still trying to get the visual of those elderly people in the jacuzzi out of my head…

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  1. Andrea

    at 12:11 pm

    So I’m left with the image of a bare foot, pot smoking, elderly butler in a hot tub…should have saved this one for after lunch!

  2. lulu

    at 4:56 pm

    I bow to the Wham Bam Thank You Mam!!! LMAO, it just made my day!!

    Why all this cheesy and catchy words? It looks stupid and unnecessary, also very unprofessional if I am the buyer, I may pass just by reading it. Good Lord Oh Mercy!

    But thanks David for put all this together and give us a good chuckle.

  3. lulu

    at 4:59 pm

    Oh forgot to mention, Zhongguancun = Silicon Valley, some sort of high tech facility all build in one area, i don’t get it but who knows what is in the agent’s

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