Tiger Woods is moving into his new “bachelor pad,” and it got me thinking about exactly what criteria must be present in order to call it a “bachelor pad.”

What is the age bracket?  How about the size of the property?  And more specifically, what, um, “uses” are permitted?

I want my new bachelor pad to be just like Tiger’s…

By: Jay Busbee
Yahoo! Sports
March 14th, 2011

Good news for Tiger Woods: He’s finally getting his own place!

On his blog Monday, Woods broke the news that he’ll soon be moving into his new Jupiter, Fla., home, which you might be able to spot in the photograph above. As previous reports have indicated, the home includes a 6,400-square-foot gym/media room/bar, an elevator, a reflecting pond and a lap pool.

But Woods being a golfer and all, he’s even more excited about the practice facility around the house. “It’s phenomenal,” he wrote. “Working with my team, I designed the short-game facility and oversaw its construction. It features four greens, six bunkers with different depths and kinds of sand, a video center and a putting studio. If no wind is blowing, the longest club I can hit is a 7-iron.”

The practice facility also has multiple grass types, allowing Woods to practice his short game from 150 yards and in on any conceivable PGA Tour surface. And while Woods’ entire game is a mess at this point, it’s a safe bet that he can straighten out his drives a lot easier than he can regain his touch on and around the greens.

Woods has not won since 2009, and has not won a major since the 2008 U.S. Open. Working with new swing coach Sean Foley, he’s trying to regain confidence on the course. His next tournament will be this week at the Cadillac Championship at Doral in Miami.

“[M]y swing is still a work in progress, and it takes time to get comfortable with everything,” Woods wrote. “It’s hard to implement all these changes. I just have to keep moving forward.” And this is a nice place to do so, yes?

Now, the greens and bunkers are nice and all, but here’s the best part: “It’s also set up so I can hit shots out of my second-story studio,” Woods wrote. Think about that: He’s going to hit balls off the second floor of his $50 million house. You need further proof the guy’s not married any more, there it is; wives generally aren’t keen on their men swinging his clubs in the house, even if they are 14-time major winners.  

Bottom line: This is hands-down the slickest bachelor pad in human history. And if Tiger asks you to help him move, don’t just settle for the usual beer and pizza afterward. Hold out for a little more.

Here’s the one thing that confused me in the article above – is the entire house 6,400 square feet?  Or just the gym/media-room/bar?  If it’s the latter, then the house is likely 30,000 square feet or more.

Not bad for a “bachelor pad.”

So what constitutes a “bachelor pad?”

Need the owner only be a single man?

Can he be any age?  A divorcee, perhaps?

Most people think of a bachelor pad as a young man’s first place of residence.  You’d probably picture a 20-something guy, living in a small one bedroom condo, with a freezer full of Michelina’s and a fridge without a single vegetable inside.

Many bachelor pads are just a step up from a university residence, only slightly cleaner and with fewer books.

A friend of mine recently moved back to Canada at age 33 and went back to school.  His bachelor pad is literally a bachelor – the unit is only 450 square feet and has no bedroom.

So not all bachelor pads are occupied by young 20-somethings who are fresh out of school and just starting out in the real world.  After all, Tiger Woods is 35 years old.

A typical bachelor pad may be low-key, but in the upscale, posh city of Toronto in 2011, a bachelor pad is often something more.

I’ve sold bachelor pads for a million-dollars to several hard-working, successful 20-something and 30-something young men.

I’ve had clients who held off on purchasing until they could buy a penthouse; living beneath their means for some time as they accumulated the wealth needed to buy something they deemed “satisfactory.”

Some young men don’t want to climb the natural ladder: entry level bachelor pad, “buying up” to second property, followed by “dream home.”

One of my good friends actually shared a bedroom with his brother at his parents’ place until he was able to buy a house in Leslieville as his “bachelor pad.”  He’s now engaged, so the “Dirt Biker Monthly” that used to be in the bathroom have been replaced with Vogue and Chatelaine.

But what Tiger Woods has for his bachelor pad is simply out of this world!

Some bachelors live in a condo with a small gym; Tiger woods has his own 6,400 square foot gym!

Some bachelors have a plant in the corner of the room that they never water and leave to wither and die; Tiger Woods has over one-hundred mature trees!

Some bachelors look out onto some green space; Tiger Woods looks out onto the green on the 4th hole of his golf facility!

Some bachelors have access to a pool in their condo; Tiger Woods has a pool….two actually.

Some bachelors have an ocean view; Tiger Woods has an ocean!  Okay, well it’s not his ocean, but his house backs AND fronts onto the ocean, so it might as well be.

Some bachelors have hooks for their coats; Tiger Woods has hook….er…..umm…..nevermind, I won’t go there.  This isn’t Perez Hilton…

If it were me (and I’m quite glad it’s not) I would be lonely in that 30,000 square foot mansion on the ocean with no wife and kids, and only the waitresses, hostesses, and “promotional marketing” girls that Tiger meets during the course of his week.

I guess I’m old fashioned, and I long for things like a family.  I don’t think I’d throw it all away for B-rated porn stars.  If you’re a B-rated porn star, then you’re a lot further from that mainstream Hollywood acting career than you thought…

I guess Tiger has given every bachelor something more to strive for; at least in terms of his primary residence.  The rest of his life is a mess and I wouldn’t trade places for him for anything.

Tomorrow, I’m taking a new client out to look at condos.

He’s 25-years-old, single, and this will be the very first place he’s ever lived in on his own.

That is a bachelor pad!

But after seeing Tiger’s 30,000 square foot house with a golf course in the backyard, I don’t know how I’m going to point out all the “positives” in these tiny 520 square foot junior-one-bedroom units.

Junior one bedroom, eh?  Well, at least it’s not a true bachelor…